Upset about Husband's Christmas present choice.

[Mumofboys123]

Hi all,

I know this is going to sound really ungrateful so I want to preface this by saying I am totally not an ungrateful person at all. I don't generally expect gifts or get upset over things such as this.

Basically my partner and I have had a really bad year. We've come close to splitting up because of his selfishness, porn problems and other issues.

Recently he started talking about this present he was going to get us to do together, something I would love. He also told my mum who was saying how amazing and thoughtful a gift it would be. A couple of days ago I opened up our computer and there were loads of tabs open looking at flights and hotels to Iceland, so I was really excited and touched he would be so thoughful.

He has always been very anti going to Iceland, despite it being one of my dream holiday destinations. I thought he was going to surprise me with this grand and totally unselfish gesture.

Anyway he text me earlier saying he had bought my present and I was so excited. Just now I logged into our joint email address and there was an email from a company saying he had bought some straighteners.

So now I know that Iceland isn't happening and instead he has bought me straighteners that I need because my previous ones are broken, but I can't help feeling gutted.

Like I said I am totally not a selfish person and I realise this post may come across as bratty. It's just that I built my expectation up to be getting something truly wonderful and thoughtful to make up for all the crap he's put us through as a couple this year and I cant help but feel gutted.

Please just wait and see. Straighteners just don't make sense in the context of what your mum's said. Don't get down about something before you know if it's even happening or not. x

It does sound like it's more than straighteners, OP. If he gives you straighteners after all this, I know where I'd want to put them.

How can you be certain he hasn't bought the straighteners AND booked a trip to Iceland??

I very much doubt he has got both. The straighteners were a replacement for my GHD's (around £80), and he is quite tight with money so I can't see him buying that in addition to the Iceland trip.

He has gone very quiet every time I mention that 'I can't wait for us to do something together.' He's stopped talking about the gift I'm going to love, and changes the subject whenever I bring it up now.

Perhaps he will surprise me but I am very doubtful.

That'd be the ultimate deal breaker personally-if he's so cruel id be out of there, hopefully he'll surprise you though

It's not particularly helpful to tell the OP she's lucky because some people are homeless or can't put food on the table. If you replied to every AIBU or relationships thread with that sentiment it wouldn't help many people.

OP if he's hinted at Iceland and got you straighteners then yes that is utterly shit. All you can do is wait for the big day and see what happens. At least you're aware of possible disappointment now so you don't have it playing out on Christmas Day.

I mean this as gently as possible, but I do think you're being a little unfair to get so upset pre-emptively. But I understand that it's been a difficult year and there was a lot riding on this, so I don't blame you at all for feeling this way.

I would try to wait and see how it plays out before jumping to any conclusions. Maybe he really did want to take you to Iceland, but it fell through. Iceland is a horrendously expensive place to visit at the moment and perhaps it just doesn't work right now, but he's made some mental notes for a future surprise. I really hope you can have a lovely Christmas and that you get a good surprise in a few days' time, even if it's not quite what you were hoping for!

I agree with others, if he doesn't want to take you then arrange it yourself! Just take at least three times as much spending money as you think you'll need...

£80 is a very small amount compared to the cost of a trip to Iceland though so I don't see why it wouldn't be both. If Iceland doesn't happen I would then ask him (not on xmas day) wtf the big build up was all about and why was he talking about your Christmas present being something you'd do together and telling your family you were going to Iceland..

I'd wait and see what happens on Christmas Day.
If also be noting things he did that showed s thoughtful side.
Some people are more kind and thoughtful than others.

If he doesn't show a genuine kindness, then I'd book to go to Iceland with someone else then start to concentrate on yourself and finding happiness without him.

It is odd of you to just decide the trip is off.
The straighteners could be from your kids, or so you have something to actually open and use at Xmas, or just a second present.

I ageee with others that you have bigger problems though. A big gesture like this could mean he's trying to be a better husband. Could mean he's lazily picking the easy thing to shut you up too. What other changes has he made as a result of the counselling? Give me a small change done consistently over a one off gesture.

Perhaps he's gone quiet because it's still supposed be a surprise and he's evasive because you're ruining it by laying it on thick about how happy you are about this present. Some surprise!

I think your family need to stop getting involved, he needs to learn to close down browser sessions and you both need to get separate email accounts!

Go to Iceland with him or alone. Stop letting him hold you back.

He sounds a throughly disappointing boyfriend. Bin him off once you get your straighteners.

It is odd of you to just decide the trip is off.

Not really. If he's been bragging to all and sundry about the awesome present he's getting her, something they will do together, and now he doesn't want to talk about it and seems shady - plus he's a tight-arse and the OP has seen he bought her something else, it looks like a straightforward 2 plus 2 equals 4 situation.

But maybe the OP will be back in two days all excited about her Iceland tickets...

I had a gift I wanted to buy DH last year. I researched it for ages on many websites. Ultimately I couldn't afford it and had to buy something smaller. It could be that.

He might have bought the straighteners as if yours are broke then family money would have to purchase more anyway. Then he looks twice as good when he gives you the holiday.

I'm guessing it's a double bluff present. Straighteners. Pretend that's all. Then Surprise!!! A holiday!!

Please let us know

If the straighteners are for you, you could return them to the shop (or sell them on eBay) and put the money from them towards your Iceland trip!

Cheers.

I hope you got the gift you were hoping for OP!

No I can totally understand your disappointment. It's not about the straighteners and you don't sound brattish/ spoilt in the slightest.

Fingers crossed OP is going to Iceland.

He sounds horrible. Why bother?

Must be a rouge thread. Why post all this and no update, wouldn't waste anymore time on it ladies

Maybe OP is just too busy with her family.

I hope you were surprised with your present OP

Any update on this??
😞

I hope he didn't let you down op