AIBU want to know I'm the best

[Tinselbelle]

I want to know I'm my partners best. I feel stupid writing this but can anyone let me know what they think and why!

My partner had kids with ex, had ex's name tattooed on body (tattooed over now but still did it in first place), proposed (never got married).

I have been married but the back story is, childhood sweethearts that were friends only for many years.

I have never felt what I do for my partner EVER before, I actually didn't think I could feel like this. I'm finding it hard to deal with that when I asked him if he'd ever felt like he does for me, for someone else he replied 'yes, you know that - I had kids didn't i?!'

We are trying for a baby, another first for me as I didn't ever want them with my ex. I know it might look like I'm 'point scoring' but I don't feel I am, their relationship ended horribly so want to know his feelings for me are stronger etc so we can survive more possibly?!

And all of this you're getting from him. Everything is her fault. Wake up!

It makes sense user, but things just are not always as simple as that. But I do understand.

But they ARE. He's convinced you there is a lot more to it, but it really is that simple. He doesn't see his children and he isn't trying to. It IS that simple.

Stitch it is devastating that I have not met his kids. Years are going by and it doesn't feel easier or better. But I have no control or power over the situation. She won't let me see them. I have offered to go elsewhere for visits but nothing I suggest makes a difference. Personally I feel all I can do is just continue with my plans with this man and try to be as happy as we can.

No you see she's not got a problem with you, she really hasn't. He will be behaving differently now you're on the scene and for some men that's for the better. But in this case you are being used as the reason not to bother, this conclusion would have happened anyway but now it's dressed up as he's doing it for your sake and your future children. It's back to the old, I'd kick the front door down if I had to to see my child, anyone would.

User I feel partly to blame (it is not personally me, I'm sure anyone would receive this hostility from her)

Why isn't your partner taking steps to see his children?

Newbrummie I have seen messages about me. I know she has a problem with me.

Stitch emotional upheaval for kids who will not know him and too young to understand what's going on

Lol, I mean it's not you personally. I guess he did whatever she wanted before you and now he's pushed back a bit, she's then done the "you're not seeing the kids shit". And what happens next usually is that for £550 a judge decides.

Regardless of what she thinks or does it is actually within his power to get a contact order. By the sounds of it he hasn't even done the bare minimum like speak to a solicitor or attend mediation. He has just decided to move on and start a new family. How utterly shit of him and how damaging for his kids.

The courts have ways around dealing with little kids, contact centres that look like nurseries, the kids just play with him
In a nice safe environment. But you have to be in it to win it, nothing changes if you walk away.

How old are his kids? It will damage them far more to grow up and realise their father moved on and created a new family without even taking some basic steps to see them.

Yes that's how it is newbrummie but he initially thought it'd pass, which it did intermittently. Now it's as though the ship has sailed and the kids have a step dad and mum is happier (i hope!!). I think he feels selfish for starting action against them at this point (although he's never said that directly).

stitchglitched they won't be told that though will they ? Mummy will get the blame - further damage

Stitch we've been to solicitor

Tinselbelle this is what we are trying to get through to you, the ship never sails, never

All under 6

Yeah it will all be Mum's fault no doubt. I actually have some sympathy for NRPs who may struggle against hostility, breaches of orders etc who may run out of money to fight, feel their kids are being damaged and say enough is enough. But this man hasn't even spoken to a solicitor!

Ah ok you've been to a solicitor, great. Did he go to mediation? Make an application to court?

It's not as though he's washing his hands of them. I think he will proceed with court action. But tried to wait it out and in hindsight it didn't work out. She manipulated him (and me to some extent). The kids are missing out on a family they have no contact with but the kids don't know that yet. Only when older and asking questions, but I honestly think step dad is just dad and that's that in her eyes. She wishes my bf dead. Wishes they were step dads kids. She has put that in messages. It is awful the things she says to the him.

So - I should say to him that until existing kids' contact is sorted out, no baby for us?

Yes I think you should definitely wait for everyone's sakes. You have no way of knowing how contact will go, how you will all get on, how he parents them. It would also be hard on the kids to have to contend not only with getting to know Dad again, but also a new stepmum and a new half sibling.

Do I not go to visits with the kids? Are there social workers there to give advice? How does it work?

But really it should be him saying that. He shouldn't even be thinking about making new babies whilst he doesn't see his existing kids.

Ok solicitors advise on the legal - you don't really need one in all honesty. Go and get an appointment with cafcass. that's your first step, mediation. And he can't be arsed to do that then you have your answer.