Anyone else happy to stay single forever

[Gorgeoussunset]

I am divorced and have been single for 5 years now. I genuinely do not hate men and have many male friends and some family. But unlike some of my female friends I don't want to be in a relationship. I don't have any need for a man in my life, and don't see that changing. I'm a bit surprised to feel like this, but not regretful. Some of my friends claim to understand but then go on about meeting the right person etc. Wonder if anyone else feels this way?

time out from "gendered interaction" sounds like something that assumes women and men are vastly different though.

unless the meaning was "time out from any thought of sex" interaction? I don't need a time out from my male friends - or female for that matter!

I won't get married again

I thought the previous points on marriage were interesting.

I was the highest earner in the marriage and despite getting full custody of the kids (it's what they wanted, they were old enough to have a view, exh didn't contest it), I had to buy exh out of the house and agree a settlement with him (that I paid to him).

I felt quite aggrieved (which I imagine is how most men feel in a divorce) given that I had contributed the most financially throughout (there were other factors that I won't go into). It's all in the past now but it has put me off marriage for life!

but as women start to earn more, I imagine this sort of thing will happen a lot more often!

I feel happy to be single, but never say never. I would, however, like to have sex again. I seem to have lost the ability to know how to go about procuring at 42.

You can have it all. Single-dom, independence, freedom, kids, home, career, holidays, family, friends, finances etc. Then you can choose the kind of relationship you want to be in and with whom. The relationship then fills your life with, love, affection, intimacy, sex.
And that relationship does not need to encroach on any of the above. It does not have to be one relationship either, but can be multiple relationships. Unconventional? Yes. Non conformist? Yes. But who gives a shit what society or culture thinks.

I'm 3 months out of a LTR and don't want to be single forever but I can't imagine being able to trust anyone again. And I'm 45, with absolutely no desire to try OLD.
I really want a snog though. Not sex. Just an ego boost that someone finds me attractive

yes so have I deadsouls! (I'm 43)

I read an article in one of the papers a few months ago that said because of the proliferation of online dating, no-one actually goes out single expecting to meet other single people anymore. It's all pre arranged. I go out a lot and I have never once met another single person or been approached by one. It seems that that side of it is dead now!

I met lots of dingle men this weekend out - none you'd cross the road for like but they are out there

Single not dingle 😳

Zebra, I came to the same conclusion a couple of years ago. my last LTR finished in 2004 and apart from a couple of flings here and there I haven't really had what I'd call a relationship since. I've no interest in online dating and really does seem like people just don't meet in everyday RL situations anymore.

I agree that everything seems to be done online now (whether it's Tinder, Match, Facebook, WhatsApp or some of the alt. sites out there).

What I find off-putting is the sheer number of men who expect you to be fine with them sleeping with multiple other people.

As said by a PP I really want a snog I want that feeling you get when you finally get someone you've lusted after for ages. I'm not sure I'd be that keen to snog someone who's sleeping with men and women and who sees you as just tonight's entertainment.

Whoever mentioned bald and fat, I don't think was really just talking about the physicality aspect. Men who are overweight and bald can be attractive of course, if they are handsome and have a personality! The last person I looked at on Online Dating was bald and fat, but that was nothing to the ugly self-entitlement and list of pseudo demands, including brains, emotional intelligence, "stilettos" and a "mutually satisfying physical relationship" (feeling queasy ).

Anyway, I was re-reading G Greer's "The Female Eunuch" last night. Its not my favourite work of hers by any means, but I thought I'd share this quote:

"Of course, single women do not escape female misery, because of the terrific pressure to marry as a measure of feminine success. They dawdle and dream in their dead-end jobs, overtly miserable, because they are publicly considered to be" ....

"Given the difficulty of marriage as a way of life, and the greater difficulties of spinsterhood, happiness must be seen by women to be a positive achievement. Ultimately, the greatest service a woman can do her community is to be happy; the degree of revolt and irresponsibility which she must manifest to acquire happiness is the only sure indication of the way things must change if there is to be any point in continuing to be a woman at all".

'the terrific pressure to marry as a measure of feminine success'

is that still the case?
how much have things changed?

I think .. therefore my head hurtz, that i know far more married couples who are happy than single people overall.

FWIW, JB a single slightly everso overweight but not bald and hardly gray;)

I think most smug marrieds would rather chew their own arm off than admit to anything other than domestic bliss

There are two documentaries that I caught on Netflix. One is called "the mask you're in" and the other is called "Miss Responsibility" both show how children are brainwashed by our cultural norms and the effects it has on them into adulthood, not just to comply with what society considers normal but also the effect it has on their mental health and emotional well being in trying to maintain the status quo.
They are really worth watching and are eye opening.

newbrummie you're spot on. It's sacrilege to admit your marriage is shite

I've not had time to read and digest all of the conversation yet.

I was widowed young, and not so long ago. I married DH because I'd never felt so much love and protection over another being before. When we met, I'd already decided I didn't "do" relationships. We clicked, and just "got" each other. It just felt so right.

I am still so sad he's no longer here, DH's death was sudden and unexpected, and I'm still kind of getting to grips with it. I still rage at him for leaving me.

I have no desire to enter into another relationship, or have a FWB arrangement. It would seem so pointless, as I've already experienced absolute love.

We had no DCs, but referred to our beautiful cats as our progeny. So I have them.

Justaboy My experience is that:

A lot of the people I know who are single are content to be so, but there are not many people I know who have chosen it with the intention of having closed the door on relationships forever. But the single men I know have very idealised thoughts on what a woman/partner would be and the women are increasingly frustrated by the restrictiveness of these idealised thoughts. All the single people I know would like to be in a relationship, but in a good and functioning one; not just any old relationship.

The married people I know... well this is far more interesting. I know some couples who make no attempt to hide the fact they are together for the kids and nothing else. I know others who appear to be happy, including one who are seen by many as the 'perfect' family; good looking, successful, happy fb photos... but I know them very well and the reality is very different.

Newbrummie is spot on.

RubbishMantra My grandma felt similarly. She was widowed in her 40s. She never so much as looked at another man again. She never dated and never had another relationship. I asked her once why that was and she said that she'd loved my grandad, and he her, so completely that she had never felt the need to seek out anyone else. She'd experienced 'true love' and was content with her friends and family knowing that she'd been loved.

I think that is where it differs for me because, whilst I'm content to be single, I'd really like to experience love. Loving and being loved by someone must be, I imagine, a beautiful thing. I'm almost the same age my grandma was when she was widowed and the older I get, the less likely it is that I will meet someone and experience that. All of my relationships have been sad, lonely and devoid of love. I am prepared to be single forever, but I'm not happy about it. If I think about it too much it breaks my heart.

Ghost, I was in my late 30s when DH and I found each other. I too was content to be single, decided that was going to be the case in fact, and your last paragraph particularly resonates with me. I had zero interest in being married until I met him. I remember us beaming at each other when we said our wedding vows. It's very profound, to be truly loved and love that person in return, and to see them perfectly imperfect, flaws and all, if that makes sense?

Rubbish

Pure unconditional love for each other and not live together. Simples.

RubbishMantra felt the same on my wedding day. GhostOfChristmasYetToCome I felt true love too once. But as I discovered to my peril it's not always reciprocated and the one you love can turn out quiet selfish. When it goes wrong it's a big fall. Don't regret it though. Two great kids. I did a good job and tried my best for her. Think I was a good husband. And there are a lot of happy memories despite the tragic end. Ture love for my parents and grandparents. Till death. My dad died when I was 16 and my mum has never looked at another man. For her nothing can compare.

So yes I don't ever intend on getting married or want to live with someone again. I like my own space and am very sceptical about relationships. But who knows how I will feel if I ever fall in love again. Probably best to be avoided if I can.

Well I will have my "single" badge on Christmas day when I go to a family do where everyone, but me is in a couple!

What I don't like is that feeling the other person wants to dominate and possess you
Its like being caged
I find it oppressive