Anyone else happy to stay single forever

[Gorgeoussunset]

I am divorced and have been single for 5 years now. I genuinely do not hate men and have many male friends and some family. But unlike some of my female friends I don't want to be in a relationship. I don't have any need for a man in my life, and don't see that changing. I'm a bit surprised to feel like this, but not regretful. Some of my friends claim to understand but then go on about meeting the right person etc. Wonder if anyone else feels this way?

I don't think I could have one of these robotic GF's around the house. I have difficulty finding space for the dyson.
When one of the DP's come round for a sleepover I find it difficult to tolerate them after a certain amount of time and they are the same when I visit them. There comes a point when you or they have outstayed their/your welcome and it is time to return to their own place or for me to return to my place. Nothing is ever said, but you just know it's the right time. Its a matter of respecting their/your space. Like I said before it works, is adult and mature. We all have a choice. If its not working we move on, without any malice.

MercuryInRetrograde I think we did have to be less picky in the past. There was a huge stigma on being single past a certain age in the past. You just really didn't hear of it much say in my grandma's generation. So I guess everyone just had to settle for someone who was OK. These days no one wants to compromise. It's funny that we are more picky yet so many people still have a desire to be matched and married. Do you think the modern expectations do not come anywhere near the supply? Is this why some people are getting miserable because the can't find mr/Mrs right and have that happy married little family? Maybe in the passed the families they are basing their dreams on were actually made up of Mr and Mrs OKs a lot of the time? In the passed were people satisfied with Mr/Mrs ok or Mr/Mrs could have done worse?

I'm really glad I found this thread most of my friends think I'm odd, when I say I'm quite happy to be single and that I'm in no hurry to change it.
Phew..... merry xmas....

The thing is I as im sure many of us would, would actually be fine with Mr Ok. Mr normal, Mr I'm not completely fucked up. I didn't realise how many complete actual loons were out there til I started online dating. I've had wanting me to agree to them moving in before I've met them - then I'm a man hating pschyo when I say no - real aggression when you ask if they have a real job, alongside being a DJ at 42 lol
Just normal would be refreshing

I'm not one for sleb gossip!

but...my sis just pointed this out to me and I found it really striking - apparently Amanda Abbington and Martin Freeman broke up and she said, of his working abroad a lot "You can’t be away from people for too long, because you start to function on your own"....

very very interesting comment in general there.

You can’t be away from people for too long, because you start to function on your own
Could be interpreted in various ways but to me it suggests that being in a couple makes you dysfunctional, parts of your personality are suppressed and sacrificed so that the relationship can function.

Some are in a situation where both truly complement and enhance each other, many are not.
Is that because they didn't meet the right person, or is it because being in a full time relationship is in this day and age just not optimal

"You can’t be away from people for too long, because you start to function on your own" could also be SlebSpeak for 'he left me to it' ...

Maybe the difference is that instead of putting up with a partner, now we put up with loneliness (occasional or ongoing).

Also our own damage/wounds prevent relationships. Ambivalence used tto trigger something in me which i mistook for romantic love. I was turned on by uncertainty. Uncertainty does fuel romantic feelings but in my case it was certain to a blind man that the men i was attracted to were certain they did not want a relationship with me.
So that was my childhood wound.
Over it now.

Newbrummie I am not sure if I agree per se (of course everone is different) with at least many other women being OK with MR OK. I have seen a lot on the relationship threads women saying things like their DH is a lovely man, good husband, good father etc but they just don't feel that spark for him. Often the advise is leave him, find someone who does give you that spark. Then on the flip side loads of women complaining they cant find a man like that or their man is the complete opposite. From a male perspective it really feels like we totally can't win. We are made to feel somewhat disposable in terms of modern attitudes. Like a commodity. Sometimes you do wonder if women like us? Everyone seems to want it all but non of us are perfect. I suppose it is the result of so many options or at least the perception of ocean of plentiful supply? I am not saying we should be with someone we don't love but more our view of what is obtainable is too ambitious maybe? I think a real MR and MRS Right (for each other) coming together is rare, very rare these days.

So if this were the case we have a few options. Wait for right person and do not take second best even if we never find them. Or give up on it and be stay single. Or just float between various relationships/marriages with OK candidates. Or find MR/MRS not so bad/OK and say that is fine with me I am sticking.

I do wonder if the modern world has told women to set their expectations so implausibly high (especially based on supply) for a relationship? But at the same time still holding long term relationships/marriage as the ultimate goal. If so its a bit of a nasty trick. I guess we have to be realistic and work out our priorities in life.

By the way I am a lot more positive about love and relationships normally just exercising some ideas and like I said personal experience has made me question my old romanticised view of the world.

Mr & mrs right for each other... yes, a few tim3s ive felt that while internet dating and yet they still rejected me. Two that is.

I suppose they didnt feel the spark. What with me being so homely and theyy having been so slim and handsome. {Sarcasm}

Still. I do get it i guess. Dated a 6'2" man once. Attractive, good humoured, great job etc. Loved himself. I was only relieved when he ended it. Think id felt i had no 'right' to end it with somebody so perfect. But the connection wasnt really there.....

Mercury you are not deluding yourself. You are very funny. Hope you have a great Christmas. I almost feel like doing some OLD just for the experience. I don't think I have a hope in hells chance of pulling a boiled egg in glasses! I'm just not good looking and fit enough.

Go for it!! I took the first few rejections very personally and felt very guilty about the 9 or so men i rejected. Now i find i'm over the date / guilt/ rejection much quicker!

The last guy i met though, we got on great and he lives near me and i thinking how silly he was to just go silent. We will bump into each other again. We could have been friends. We didnt even kiss!!

Newbrummie

The thing is I as im sure many of us would, would actually be fine with Mr Ok. Mr normal, Mr I'm not completely fucked up. I didn't realise how many complete actual loons were out there til I started online dating.

Do you not think that all the good men are taken, and all the misfits rejects leftovers are the only ones on OLD?.

1DAD2KIDS

Interesting post's on the subject but never ever give me a perfect robot woman!

Its got to be the real thing as moody\ awkward/ temperamental\ mysterious/unfathomable\ as she might be :-)

My friend's daughter, 38 ish, met a gorgeous bloke on POF. They hit it off straight away, and are getting married soon. So they're not all duds.

Yeh, I believe that still, don't know where I get my optimism from! I think it's the 'almosts' that left me the most
As in it was a great date I thought we were easily happily vibing, but it was only a great date for one of us and it wasn't him.

When it's stilted or uncomfortable fair enough you just chalk it down to a mismatch. another mismatch

I think this is a hard one, if my DH was on on line dating tommorrow I am sure he would be inundated, and many women would think him amazing, problem is it can take a long time to know the stuff 'underneath' that isn't so amazing and causes relationships /marriages to be killed off . (On both sides I may add). Let's face it we tend to be in full honeymoon phase for quite a while

Whether you meet someone on line or in RL. There is always the honeymoon stage, but even during the honeymoon stage there is always those red flag signals that you may pick up on. When the red flags surface, (because they will) it is time to beat a hasty retreat

I actually like being single. It is an option. Not all of us are desperate for a relationship

Let's not forget people live longer now.
The vicar emphasised this point when I got married.
What was once for life was a comparitively short time.

I know many elderly couples, many whom have died, where violence, abuse and adultery was common place.
It's far more acceptable now to walk away.
There's nothing wrong with being single, or casual dating or anything as long as it involves consenting adults.

Btw I'm divorced and it would take a hell of a lot to persuade me to ever marry or live with someone again.

Boolovessulley agreed

I am definitely leaning towards the amount of options and freedoms we have now as the prime factor for why long term relationships/marriage is not looking so good/failing. Also why so many are failing to find someone of the right calibre for said LT relationship/marriage who also sees them likewise.

Oh and merry Christmas everyone by the way. Why am I still up? Been in bed since 9. Maybe it's the excitement of seeing two super excited little monkeys in the next few hours. Enjoy everyone.

Online dating sites don't want you to find the love of your life and then stop using the site

They want you to spend as much time on there as possible interacting and searching for the ever elusive one

That's one reason old is so frustrating, it just wants to get you hooked...like a kind of fruit machine

Shiningexample LOL! like it! just the same if villains behaved, police out of a job, no one offended prison warders jobless!!

Except that POF is free. It just means you meet a trail of inadequates faster. OLDaters are at least meeting members of the opposite sex.

As the old adage goes
' if it's free you are the product'