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Original poster

To think I should be allowed

191 replies

FuckDaddyPig · 15/12/2016 11:26

To buy my daughter a couple of Christmas presents! OH is mad at me for not Christmas shopping with him. I was just in tesco on my way home from school run and saw a great deal on a couple of dolls. We had already discussed we would get these, so I just grabbed them whilst I was there and the account was full! Now im in the wrong and im getting told off for buying them.(without him)
AIBU to think im a grown woman with 3 kids I should be allowed to buy presents!
He said no other woman would do this without discussing it with their husbands first? I saw a few mummies grabbing some bargains!

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/12/2016 13:29

Wow.
Is he the father of all/any of your children?
If not, I'd be out of there like a rocket. OR rather, kick his arse out. Depending on who has the house in their name.

He is absolutely weird. My husband wouldn't DREAM of going off at me for buying Christmas stuff, or anything, without his "permission" or presence - unless I lashed out $100s of course, which I wouldn't do, I DO always discuss presents of that size with him first - but I can do it over the phone!
For e.g. - looking for a bike for DS1 - went to Toys'R'Us, found one, was a bit more than we'd thought to pay, so I called him on the phone and said "It's $X, is that ok? If you find a better/cheaper one on ebay, then I can always return it for a refund if it's still in the box" - no issue, bought it, brought it home.

If he had to be with me for every present purchase, I'd never get half of it done!!

He's WEIRD. Controlling, WEIRD and has spat on you several times - fuck me, WHY are you putting up with that?! I know PTSD, lack of self esteem etc. but my God, he's not a good person to have around your DC. :(

NavyandWhite · 15/12/2016 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
FuckDaddyPig · 15/12/2016 13:31

That sounded like I was justifying it im not! I know he could do it again.
I know its ridiculous, he doesn't, I think he may a little but he will be too stubborn to stop or even care

OP posts:
CockacidalManiac · 15/12/2016 13:32

I posted the number for Women's Aid earlier in the thread. I really strongly suggest you talk to them.

Original poster
FuckDaddyPig · 15/12/2016 13:34

I've definitely come to the solid conclusion I do not want this around my children anymore

But what do I do. I ask him to leave he refuses. He says that I tell him I love him one minute then want him to leave the next (this is true, why I do this I dont know).

OP posts:
EverythingEverywhere1234 · 15/12/2016 13:36

If you can't bring yourself to leave him for your own sake, think of your kids. You might say they don't see it but they know. It'll be damaging them living with such a crap example of a man and it'll be damaging them to see the dysfunctional, abusive natural of your relationship. It doesn't matter whether he's their father or not, he's awful. He SPITS in their mother's face!! That, to me, is even more vile than a slap. It's got the added element of being truly disgusting and with the sole purpose of humiliating you.

NavyandWhite · 15/12/2016 13:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
FuckDaddyPig · 15/12/2016 13:38

I have written down the number for women's aid. I will call them when im walking to school. Thank you. Im shaking at the thought Hmm

OP posts:
EverythingEverywhere1234 · 15/12/2016 13:38

Oh. Cross post. I am so happy to read that!!
Whose name is the house in? If yours, wait until he is at work and move all of his things outside. Do not give him the chance to refuse to leave. If his, take your children and leave him. Don't tell him anything, just go.

Original poster
FuckDaddyPig · 15/12/2016 13:45

We met when my eldest was 2 years old (now 8) we have 2 other children together. He's also always treat my eldest daughter differently from when we had my middle child (his) he will deny it but its there. If the siblings fight its the eldest's fault even if my toddler scratches the hell out of my eldest it still will be the eldests fault. This was what originally caught my attention with him. When I do stick up for my eldest he will say things like were thick as thieves etc. I love ALL of my babies the same. We have so much fun when hes not around to say u cant do this, that or anything. My eldest detests him I feel. She doesn't know that he isn't her bio father yet though I do have the feeling she will be relieved, until I tell her about her bio dad! He tried to kill me, I left. This time seems so much harder? He tells me he loves me all the time etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
FuckDaddyPig · 15/12/2016 13:46

My name everythingeverywhere I don't think I couod do that lol. I wouldn't have the guts! Ill talk to women's aid see what they also suggest.

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 15/12/2016 13:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/12/2016 13:47

Go for it - call them - and do stop telling him you love him because you don't, you're only saying that to keep him happy. You don't need to keep him happy, you want him out.

Very glad you're in a good position re. the house - but if he won't go, you might need to get the police on board to help remove him. Do you have any friends who could help out? Husbands of mum friends? Just who could be there to stop him deciding you need a last "lesson" in how to behave like a 19th Century wifey?

Original poster
FuckDaddyPig · 15/12/2016 13:48

I actually feel like twat. He's bothered im bitching behind his back! But tbh like I said to him whatelse have I got if he wont listen/change

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 15/12/2016 13:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/12/2016 13:49

Oh, and when you do get rid of him, do the Freedom Programme - it will help with your confidence and free you from picking up these men who think it's ok to abuse you.

Original poster
FuckDaddyPig · 15/12/2016 13:53

There is no future with him. I dont want it!
I dont even feel I love him anymore, but he will pull me up on not saying it. Not that I care anymore.

We have no1 he left his home town for me. I left mine when I was 14.

Mums boyfriend is a stuck up rich boy (daddies miney) ponce who made us eat in the garden once ( another story). Noone can be here like I said he would go up against anybody. He is very arrogant, and argumentative

OP posts:
honeylulu · 15/12/2016 13:54

So glad to read your updates (about ending the relationship, not the other stuff which is horrid). Another thread when it turned out to be much, much more than the original issue posted about.
Sounds like you are in a good position legally - house in your name and not married to him (right?) which makes it much easier to boot him out. I know it seems scary and as if you couldn't possibly so it but you really need to for your sake and the children. Women's Aid will give you support and advice on how to do it and keep yourself safe.

Original poster
FuckDaddyPig · 15/12/2016 13:55

doesnt kno but he saw the mumsnet header. Im an avid reader of MN Smile

OP posts:
Lovewineandchocs · 15/12/2016 13:56

Please go to Women's Aid then seek advice about getting a non-molestation and occupation order. Please don't stay with this vile excuse for a man any longer. If you don't feel strong enough to do it for yourself, do it for your children Flowers

YorkshireTree · 15/12/2016 13:56

Oh OP I do get it. When you are with them it's like Stockholm Syndrome. You worry that you are overreacting and he is nice more often than he is horrid. You worry about loneliness and the confrontation of telling him to leave. In each moment shutting up is easier than lighting the fuse.

BUT... When you have finally done it the sense of freedom and independence is amazing! Never again will a man raise his hand to you or humiliate you. Never again will you have to answer to someone who thinks they own you and your life. You will be able to raise your children happy and confident.

It is SO worth it.

Original poster
FuckDaddyPig · 15/12/2016 13:58

Nope not married. I used to want to but that feeling left me a long time ago. Which he also hates (that I dont want to marry him anymore.)
Definitely scary! My battery is going to die, he seems to be talking to my toddler a little nore so he's lightened up. Im sure ill get another meaningless apology. But they're just nothing to me anymore

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 15/12/2016 13:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WankersHacksandThieves · 15/12/2016 13:59

DH has no clue what I've bought usually until DSs are unwrapping stuff on Christmas morning... maybe I'm a man?

myfriendnoel · 15/12/2016 14:00

Snort.when married my h wouldn't have had much of Clyde what we were buying the dc's except if it were something really expensive which of course we would discuss.
'No other women do this'
I'd say practically all women do this!
Plus you'd discussed the doll before, it was a bargain, what's the issue?