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Original poster

To think I should be allowed

191 replies

FuckDaddyPig · 15/12/2016 11:26

To buy my daughter a couple of Christmas presents! OH is mad at me for not Christmas shopping with him. I was just in tesco on my way home from school run and saw a great deal on a couple of dolls. We had already discussed we would get these, so I just grabbed them whilst I was there and the account was full! Now im in the wrong and im getting told off for buying them.(without him)
AIBU to think im a grown woman with 3 kids I should be allowed to buy presents!
He said no other woman would do this without discussing it with their husbands first? I saw a few mummies grabbing some bargains!

OP posts:
Original poster
FuckDaddyPig · 15/12/2016 12:06

Idiotxit Grin I definitely have told him in the past he has traits of old fashioned men in him. I was really happy and couldn't wait to show him what I picked up, 2 dolls and a little my little pony figure! His face went sour straight away "Have u been shopping without me again"
"I thought id grab them as we both said when we saw them we will grab them, so I did".
I think he may feel left out?

OP posts:
CozumelFox · 15/12/2016 12:08

Is he from the 1700s?

What a wanker.

Ask his permission for every little purchase - pint of milk, newspaper, pair of socks, bread - and see how tired he gets of it.

Red flag, OP. Men who start demanding their wives ask 'permission' for stuff, it just never ends well.

honeylulu · 15/12/2016 12:08

This is weird and very controlling! How can he object when you had already agreed on these particular items? Why does he need to be physically present?
We both work full time but I took some days off recently and have done most of the kids' shopping. We agreed on the main gifts and I went and bought them and also chose/bought smaller gifts and stocking stuff. My husband is delighted and relieved that I have sorted it as 1. He hates shopping. 2. He tends to panic buy lots of stuff that doesn't get played with/are duplicates and I then moan at him for wasting money and cluttering the house 3. He is manic at work and hasn't been able to take time off yet to shop.
I am fine with it as it avoids 2. above and means his shopping time can focus on getting lovely stuff for meeee!!! selfish
Gift shopping comes out of our fun money so I just tell him what he owes me and he says OK and hands over his share. Bollocks to "no other woman would do that" - I think they are likely to be in the majority!

So, why does your H not share his income with you (modest though it is)? When you say you "got paid" do you mean your benefits? He is honestly happy for you to buy all the children's gifts from your benefits, not contribute and yet still thinks he should be in charge of all purchases?

PlumsGalore · 15/12/2016 12:08

He said no other woman would do this without discussing it with their husbands first

Good grief, if I had to find discuss everything I did with DH first nothing would ever get done. I might discuss buying a car perhaps. A doll? you have to be joking.

Earlgreywithmilk · 15/12/2016 12:08

Maybe he just really enjoys shopping!
I've had to practically beg my dh to come Xmas shopping with me tomorrow to buy the final bits (more of an excuse for us to have a day out together really) - he said so long as it's more lunch and less shopping which is most men's stance I'm sure.
I'm not being a bitch but I suspect it has a lot to do with the fact that he doesn't have a full time job and too much Time on his hands. It reminds me of my mums boyfriend who wants them to do everything together. My mum feels guilty if she leaves him alone for a couple of hours!

CozumelFox · 15/12/2016 12:09

He doesn't feel 'left out', he's not sobbing into his mince pies, he's feeling like you 'disrespected' his manliness by daring to commit an independent action without his consent.

aprilanne · 15/12/2016 12:10

he is clearly deluded i have never once in 27years of marriage asked my hubby if i can buy my sons a present .right enough he has never been interested in shopping .he sounds very controlling sorry

mishmash1979 · 15/12/2016 12:10

My husbands sees the presents "we" have bought when we wrap them!! This year he has had extra stress at work so I have done all wrapping too and just showed him briefly the night b4 wrapping!

MiddleClassProblem · 15/12/2016 12:11

Why is he in bed a lot? Is he depressed? Just lazy?

gleam · 15/12/2016 12:13

Oh dear. Dh is working abroad and I've bought all the presents. Shock Should I send them back? Wink

everythingis · 15/12/2016 12:13

Really can't see any redeeming features of this man?
Op since he contributes nothing I expect you would be much happier alone since you sound very capable!

Earlgreywithmilk · 15/12/2016 12:13

My dh hasn't even asked me what I've bought the kids yet, I think he's partly too busy and has his mind on other things but I think he also likes to share in their surprise on Xmas morning!

MinesAGin · 15/12/2016 12:13

Sorry, I got stuck at "He works 2-4 hours a day cleaning windows with his friend but only 2-3 days a week. He earns £20 a day and I dont see that.- which doesn't bother me."

Why on earth doesn't that bother you? And why on earth do they do such little work?

I really hope you're a troll, OP - I'd hate to think someone was living with someone as lazy and selfish and controlling as that.

everythingis · 15/12/2016 12:13

And he earns £20 a day - God what a catch!!

Jackiebrambles · 15/12/2016 12:14

He "may feel left out" because you bought a my little pony figure and 2 little dollies for his child??

And he isn't around 8 years old.

Maybe just read that again to yourself.

This is so far beyond normal I can't even begin.

PlumsGalore · 15/12/2016 12:16

Am I missing something though? he only works 2-4 hours a day and only earns £20 a day for 2-3 days so £40-£60 a week which you see nothing of.

You are a SAHM but your account was full because you had been paid?

DailyFail1 · 15/12/2016 12:16

My husband likes to do christmas and birthday shopping together and it feels special for him. Of course by together he just means he traipses into the shop with me, provides no useful input, and it's me who chooses everything anything but he likes the experience. We'll have lunch, coffee, hold hands.

Annabel11 · 15/12/2016 12:17

Eh? So if you had called him and bought them after that it would have been ok? Sounds like he just needed a reason to start a fight ...

msannabella · 15/12/2016 12:18

My Dh would be upset if I went and got presents for dc without him. He likes to feel like he has contributed since he rarely gets to school things and clubs etc cos of work. Although if there was a great deal on something we'd discussed I'd check with him before getting. Mainly though cos one of his things is bargain hunting and he loves searching the Internet for savings so I'd be checking he hadn't got them first!
Think he's well in the minority though!

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 15/12/2016 12:19

Your family income is 40-60 a week?

Can't be right, surely.

Original poster
FuckDaddyPig · 15/12/2016 12:21

Definitely lazy! I have to tackle 3 kids every morning, whilst he "lies in".
I also got "into trouble" for replacing some headphones for him (They cost a fiver)
I definitely think most women do the xmas shopping and I told him this!

He claims jsa for the family and works part time 20 a day. We put all money into a pot but im ALWAYS reluctant to spend it, obviously!

He doesn't enjoy shopping. Maybe he's trying ro spend more time with me??

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 15/12/2016 12:23

W H Y A R E Y O U W I T H H I M ???

Original poster
FuckDaddyPig · 15/12/2016 12:24

Im not a troll. And yes my life can be very shit!

OP posts:
EdmundCleverClogs · 15/12/2016 12:26

I'm confused, he works but claims JSA. You were 'paid' but your a SAHM and have to 'dip into the pot'. Plus judging by your other thread, buying Christmas presents are the least of your issues....

Original poster
FuckDaddyPig · 15/12/2016 12:26

Im with him because I have no confidence, no self esteem. I wouldn't know how to leave. Im at that part of my life now where im thinking " this is all wrong"

OP posts: