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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

How on earth can I keep us all safe?

994 replies

cherrycrumblecustard · 14/12/2016 16:00

I was going to make this post about "my friend" but honestly, I think I just need to be open about me.

How do you cope? When you live with someone who

will hit (not hard and not enough to bruise but will hityou and also shove, thump things near you and so on)
won't take no for an answer for sex, pulls your pants down as you pull them up, insists, ejaculates when you don't want them to and have asked/begged/pleaded not to
controls EVERYTHING

I need out, but I am TERRIFIED of leaving my children, our children, with him

OP posts:
Lweji · 15/12/2016 23:21

It's not easy to spot the red flags at first. Quite a lot can be taken as a good thing if you want to.
Like I said, you aren't the only one to have ever fallen for men like this.

But, you can do something about it, and you can get out.

TheSilveryPussycat · 15/12/2016 23:38

I think he may feel an emotion that, if we felt it ourselves, we would call love, perhaps? But it doesn't translate into the same behaviours and values that it would with a normal person. Instead of wanting to think about things from the other person's point of view, they translate it into a sort of ownership.

Another thing that seems relevant to you, perhaps, is that for a long time my test for love was:- did that person cause me emotional pain. This was confusing, to say the least...

I was fucked up. Now I am much less so, and at [guess the age of the old gimmer], have finally found a true partner in life.

Take your time. Look after yourself. Brew Brew

normastits5 · 16/12/2016 00:08

The fact that you are finally admitting what is going on is the first step to ending this shit life. Because that's what you are living op, a shitty life that will remain that way until you find the strength to leave. I believe that you already know this and just need a little moral support from MN to help you end this nightmare for you & especially DCs. Your poor children will be safe & happy the moment you walk out the door. Just do it op , bite the bullet. And one day you will realise what a complete & utter pig he has been & how very strong & independent you have been. Little steps op little steps. He is an animal to treat you like this he really is.

cherrycrumblecustard · 16/12/2016 06:21

In some ways I think it's not about him at all. I hate myself for putting up with it. So if I pretend everything is okay I don't have to hate myself.

OP posts:
onanotherday · 16/12/2016 07:02

CherryFlowers you are going through a real change in every area of your thinking. It will take time..be kind to yourself. What we all are saying is due, sadly, to experience of similar...you will get there but if you can take your focus off ''d'h and put it on your needs and that of the dc's you will be safer. Get free and safe first....we are all here to hold your hand. Try WA now if you can safely while early.

IDismyname · 16/12/2016 07:33

I've only just found this thread, Cherry and you're getting some excellent advice. However, you have a lot to process in terms of understanding his behaviour, and your reaction to it.

I agree with others- just call WA and have a chat with them. See what they have to say. Meanwhile, collect important documentation such as passports and birth certificates. etc. think about finances, if you can.

Start to make a plan. Start to take a bit of control.

Only you can decide when to leave, but I think you should - sooner rather than later.

It could be the best Christmas present you ever gave your DCs.

cherrycrumblecustard · 16/12/2016 07:36

I think mum scared about where to actually GO. I know people,say we could go to a refuge but it doesn't feel anything like as bad as that for one, and also, I feel I'd be taking a place for some poor woman who really is in immediate danger.

OP posts:
cherrycrumblecustard · 16/12/2016 07:40

*I'm scared

OP posts:
Lweji · 16/12/2016 07:48

If you have money you could arrange an alternative place in secret.

Or go to a refuge and sort out alternatives quickly.
However, a refuge might give you support in staying away.

I suspect you will be the greatest danger to yourself, if you're not 100% sure about leaving.

cherrycrumblecustard · 16/12/2016 07:53

That's so true because in the past I've tried to leave and gravitated back because it's like there's something that's missing. Sometimes I think no matter how dysfunctional the relationship is we're just meant to be together. He has said in the past that maybe we just aren't very nice people which is why we were drawn to each other. But I do WANT to be a nice person!

OP posts:
Lweji · 16/12/2016 07:56

I'm sure you are a nice person.
You've just suffered too much abuse.
Do contact women's aid, or even your gp, because emotional support will be fundamental when you leave.

I'd also go no contact with him and keep it all via a friend or a solicitor, so that he can't get into your head again.

cherrycrumblecustard · 16/12/2016 07:58

How can I practically do that, though, with regard to children, money, a million things I just haven't thought of. I mean, the family has money but it's not really mine.

OP posts:
Parker231 · 16/12/2016 08:02

You and your children are the family so of course the money is yours and after you have left you can sort out the house and he will have to pay maintenance. Do you work?

Lweji · 16/12/2016 08:05

You can set up a separate email account and get a new phone and give control of the olds to someone else, or block him on the old ones and send him details for the new and then give them to the solicitor or friend.

Do you actually have access to money? Your own account or savings? I think you said you had.
So, transfer money from a joint account to your own.
Then all contact about children and divorce and money can go via someone else.
You really don't have to speak to him again. Worst case, only with someone else there.
Also, do not ever go to mediation with this man. He's an abuser.

JigglyTuff · 16/12/2016 08:07

One thing that has struck me reading your posts is how much he tells you who you are and how much you've internalised that sense of self.

You are a nice person but he is not. By telling you you're not either he is trying to make you complicit in your abuse.

Frouby · 16/12/2016 08:20

You need to leave. Asap.

He is a naice mc rapist. He wont want his reputation tarnished like some commen stella drinking football thug who roughs the Mrs up on a Saturday night.

Leave. Fuck the money and the naice house and the material possessions. Your dcs won't thank you for selling their childhood for security and material possessions.

My stepdad regularly raped my mother. I was 7 when I first became aware of it. Maybe 13 when I put 2 and 2 together. I was 18 before she left. It took me 10 years to forgive her for having us live like that. And the birth of my own child, ironically into an abusive relationship. Which I ended and walked away from with a black bag full of babies clothes and a pram. I left my job, my home, my security and moved 110 miles away to start again.

You can do this shit. But only you can do it. No strangers on the internet have any better ideas than to leave. Because that's what you need to do. You can not manage an abusive relationship. Your dcs are more at risk from harm while you stay.

DeepanKrispanEven · 16/12/2016 08:31

It breaks my heart to think of him being arrested

But it doesn't break his heart to think of you being battered and raped.

So far as money is concerned, he would of course still be required to maintain the children and provide a roof over their heads. Please keep trying Woman's Aid to find out exactly what your financial entitlements will be and what help there is out there for you.

Lweji · 16/12/2016 08:54

I just saw this through a link on another thread and thought it might be useful for you.

liveboldandbloom.com/07/relationships/women-stay-abusive-relationships

Why women stay in abusive relationships. I think you'll relate to a few.
What you're going through is common. But the key is that you CAN leave. And it WILL be better, once you get past those feelings of responsibility over him, and the fear, and even the habit of having him around.

AgathaF · 16/12/2016 09:20

He's done a real number on you.

He has said in the past that maybe we just aren't very nice people which is why we were drawn to each other - so he admits that he's not a very nice person (no shit Sherlock), and then to make himself feel better and you feel worse, decides to inform you that you're not nice either. What a bastard.

You have been conditioned by him over many years to value his opinions, not trust your own instincts, to take his abuse and violence and minimise it. Your self esteem has dropped down into your boots. You believe you don't deserve better because that is what he has told you to believe.

Please try WA again today, and keep trying them until you get through to them. Your situation is serious and you deserve and need support.

LunaJuna · 16/12/2016 09:25

Sorry OP, this is beginning to frustrate me. The title of your thread is "how can I keep us all safe" and you got hundreds of responses with the answer to that. Now you decide what to do.
Stop hiding behind the "I'm weak" moto and take some control of your life. You're a grown up woman responsible for your children's integrity.

You don't want him arrested as this could financially damage your family? Fine, but you could still divorce him on DV and request full custody of the kids.

Or.... bare your head in the sand and continue to be his b**##.

Sorry to be harsh

nicenewdusters · 16/12/2016 10:22

Morning OP. The difficulty with answering a thread such as yours is that there is only one answer. To leave. How you do it, with what assistance, when, what your next steps are, these can all be advised upon and discussed. But leaving is the answer.

Would you have titled your post "How on earth can I manage living with a rapist whilst having young children in the same house?" No. But that is actually what you are asking, and as a pp said, that situation cannot be managed.

I don't want to be alarmist, but aren't you scared for your dc? I don't know you and I feel scared for them, and for you. Whenever a lovely (seeming) middle class professional kills his wife and children all the friends and neighbours are shocked. They say things like they were a lovely family, this sort of thing doesn't happen around here. But it's exactly where it happens.

You mentioned earlier about having to deal with what you've accepted if you do leave, ie having to think why you put up with him. Is that worse than having to deal with what's happening now? Many, many women find themselves with men who they thought were something they're not. It doesn't mean you're stupid, or horrible, or weak. It means you're human, you trusted somebody and you've been terribly betrayed.

What you do now about the situation, whilst it's incredibly hard for you, will say something about your character - mainly because it's not just about you, but vulnerable children.

I know a family where the mother was abused by the husband. He abused their sons but not their daughters. Then one of the sons started to abuse one of his sisters. One daughter eventually told a relative, the dad was arrested and went to prison. It ruined all their lives, one of the sons later committed suicide. The mother knew what her husband was like, but buried her head in the sand. Her daughters blamed her (quite rightly) and their relationship was badly damaged. She died an alcoholic.

Lweji · 16/12/2016 10:38

I didn't read the title as how can I stay with this rapist, but rather, how can I leave and make sure the children are never left alone with him.

It can be done, but you need to report his abuse. And push for supervised contact only.

I'll be very blunt. With exH I was prepared to defy court orders if unsupervised contact had been given. As it was, the court was happy that I had ds's best interest at heart (I didn't cut contact between them, but kept it supervised) and left the decision over how contact happened to me.
So, yes, our children can be protected, but we do need to fight for them.

cherrycrumblecustard · 16/12/2016 13:53

Lweji I can't really put into words how helpful your posts are being.

Can I please just make it clear I am NOT staying with DH for money, and I am actually quite upset by this suggestion.

I'm probably going to make a mess of explaining, but if I report DH to the police and am believed and he's arrested, say, then yes that's got a financial impact not that I remotely care for me but I do care about him (I love him, I don't care what anyone thinks of me for that) but more importantly our beautiful beautiful children and I never want to have to explain to them why I didn't act in their best interests, and putting DH in a position where he can no longer earn at his old level, is not.

Yes easy to say they will be happier living in poverty with me but in practical terms once Dc1 is 13 or even 21 I might find myself wishing I'd acted differently.

Plus I think the story looks like a woman who wanted sex, then changed her mind. And wanted her poor husband out and fabricated a story about him to keep him away from the children.

So if it's frustrating you Luna. Maybe think what it does to me?

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 16/12/2016 13:57

I think you need to look at what their best interests really are and its not staying in an environment where you are treated like that and they grow up thinking that is normal and how relationships should be.

And what is wrong with that story, everyone has the right to change their mind

Parker231 · 16/12/2016 13:58

CHerry - what do you want to happen?