Support thread for those of us having to 'co-parent' with a narc or very difficult exh thread 4

[Lilacpink40]

Hi all

Yay Frog

If there was a housewarming party I didn't get an invite either !

How's things with you?

Meh - I don't know where to begin to be honest.

I think we shoul all seriously thing about starting a fund to buy a remote island where we can all live in relative peace with others who get exactly what this gig is like.

Meeting with my lawyer went well, was amusing to watch her face get more and more shocked when I played her the recording of one of the recent phone calls ex made to DD where he interrogates her (actually tells her that she has to answer his questions) and tells her to tell her teacher that I'm not letting her talk to him She pointed out that DD's answers to her dad show that she's clearly not scared to speak her mind to him or disagree with him so that's really positive, I guess I have done something right with her!

Anyway she's making the application for sole custody now, with a request for emergency sole custody until the actual hearing so that I can make medical decisions for DD. As for our other case in the appeal court, well ex hasn't responded to the court or written his appeal so he's kinda fucked now I think. I told him that too as I think he doesn't actually understand what's happening. He couldn't even read and follow a simple instruction today in order to add me on Skype so he could skype DD.

Mostly lately I've been too focussed on what's going on in America anyway - I hope there's some bright future ahead for our children even though it seems so bleak right now.

Really glad to read that update Nats. Both you and dd need the security of sole custody. If he sorts himself out in the months/years to come so much the better. But for now it's got to be all about you and your dd. It's a shame you can't take dd on to GMB to go up against Piers - she'd wipe the floor with him !

YY to your comments about America. I too have been following the Trump thread on here - fascinating, informative and terrifying. Where's that island you mentioned BantyCustards ??! I'm in.

Just need to vent a bit today. So sick of my WK. He has finally had to back off and stop trying to intimidate and bully me into giving him access to the money he needed to buy the new house he had promised the OW (she's 26 and he's 47 but of course isn't just with him for his money 😄) he tried everything he could including blackmail to get me to agree. Since then he has finally had to instruct his lawyer - stupid bastard still thinks he will get me to agree to split assets without disclosing them - twat! Now he is being as obstructive as possible. Wanted to go away for a weekend so asked him when in the next 2 months he could have DD2. Says he is away 4 out of 8 weekends I can have one of the others but since I've stopped him and tart buying a new house he insists that he will only have her if he can look after her and stay in my house for the weekend. Like fuck is he doing that. This is the same twat who has told me that he doesn't like the apartment that he chose to rent for him and OW so he was willing to swap with me and come live in the former family home. So sick of his absolute utter shit 😡. Thanks for listening rant over.

Redas I actually read most of your post with my mouth open - just gobsmacking. If you were posting on AIBU I'd say yes, you are too considerate in only calling him a twat, and if it was me my rant would be about 15 pages long !

Somebody earlier on the thread suggested the collective name for a group of WNs was an entitlement. Your ex is a perfect example. If you're going to have an affair with the obligatory mid-life-crisis cliche version, at least crawl away under a rock afterwards. But no! Fight over money, try and claim the family home. Glad he hasn't got what he wanted. I hope his OW kicks his sorry arse out when she sees that she won't be getting what she wants.

Return to rant as required

Red having similar issue, my WN was nice on an email this morning. I seriously thought he may be bored with trying to dominate. Then later in the day a request for me to go against court order, which would benefit him but do nothing for me. No way am I going against court order. It would make it easier for him and OW/GF to get their own place, but tough they'll have to do things properly. I hope you hold firm against yours with us lot behind you in support .

Hi everyone, I'm sorry I've been quiet again, I hope you're all as well as can be

red oh good grief, your WN sounds so entitled! That expectation that we'll all rally around to provide his comfort is familiar.

Resilience is a funny thing isn't it? You get over the last round of nastiness, you rebuild your boundaries, you relax, and then bang! They're finding yet another way to get to you. All in the name of superdad of course, it's all for the children 😒

Thanks dusters that is just a small part of the whole saga. Would be too outing to put the lot. Everyone who knows in RL just stand gobsmacked at his utter cheek.

I loved the collective noun for a group of WN's being an entitlement it is the best description ever!

Lilac have to keep reminding yourself that WN's are only ever interested in themselves. No consideration for anyone else even DC and are constantly amazed that everyone else can't realise how special they really are. Utter twats the lot if them.

Hi Noise yes it does feel like I just get over the last attack over something and then another one comes along as regular as clockwork. I had Counselling and it has helped me enormously but feel so sad for my DC's. He doesn't even do Disney Dad as he is too busy being loved up with his girlfriend.

Hope everyone else on here is coping (hanging on to their sanity by their fingernails) 🍸🍹🍸 and hugs for all.

WN dropped the DC of last night with instructions on how to look after DS who had a temperature. I know he has had a temp, I've been the one looking after him.

He has a cold and is well enough (and wants to go) to go to school but flags a bit late evening when his temp goes up.

Because WN had had to deal with him for a couple of hours and he is now dad of the year who needs some to tell me what to do I should listen intently. Because I wouldn't be drawn in to a conversation with him and listen to his wisdom I was accused of starting an arguement. (Strange how I'm clever enough to argue when silent).

He then responded I didn't care just like I have not cared. I'm selfish and just care about myself by sending him to school.

I stupidly got drawn in and said he must of spoken to all school like I have every day to check he is ok.

He smirked and left. Why did I allow myself to respond. Angry at myself for doubting my mothering skills. I know if he wasn't well enough school would of phoned. They've said both days he has been absolutely fine. But one sentence from WN brings all the doubts flooding back.

This is a WN who in ten years had never taken a day off work with the DC if they are ill. Even when he lived with us. He lives too far away for him even to be a consideration.

I have to work. I'm justifying myself to myself. Argh

Rant over

frog!!! how are you?

Thank you all, so much. You're very kind. I'll be mostly alone on the day so planning to hide away and get through it however I can. Not many people in RL are aware and it seems unlikely support will be available from the place it should be, so the hermit option seems most sensible.

chuckle your post brought back some memories for me, it's frustrating and enraging isn't it. They do none of the hard work but think they can instruct us and oversee us like they are superior. Don't be too hard on yourself for getting drawn in, it's natural to want to defend yourself and point out unfairness and how illogical they are. Every time I get drawn in I try to file it away as all the more reason to be even more grey rock next time. Not got there yet though!

Well,well. I see an awful lot of behaviour straight out of the WN handbook.

Red I too read open mouthed - more front than Brighton, Blackpool, Skegness and Margate combined. What an absolute cad.

Feel - yes it's never ending. They have a wonderful knack of knowing exactly which buttons to press.

Hi green

Natsku - I've missed so much on this thread but have been thinking about your brother.

Chuckle - you really need to get yourself a supply of Dad of the Year medals to hand out to that one - his ego clearly needs regular boosts. You can silently hand one over every time he, you know, does something remotely 'parenty'

Well, another day begins. Another day where despite me doing my best to block it all out WN's scathing assessment of me as a parent and a human being just cuts into me. I feel like such a failure. I'm not sleeping and I just want to shut out the whole world.

There is someone new on the scene for me - I wasn't looking, it just sort of happened in a supermarket queue. He seems lovely but so did WN and we all know how that ended.

Green - I'm not sure what's going on but sending you

Hi dusters frog red nats banty noise green lilac and everyone,

Better idea re: the island - couldn't we put all the WN on it (definitely include Trump, he has to be one) and then leave the whole entitlement of them there? (Could always build a wall around it, heard there's one in America somewhere...)

Then we normals could just carry on being, well, normal???

An island with a wall round is a brilliant idea!

Whoa Red he is one entitled twat!

Ah the expert parenting of WNs Chuckle

Thanks for thinking about my brother Frog its even more worrying now the Wotsit Hitler is President :(

Wotsit Hitler I love that title Nats. If I get to go on one of the marches can I make that my banner?

And yes, definitely an island with a wall around it, containing the Orange One. We'll offer the wall building contract to Mexican nationals. They'll be flown there on the Orange One's private jet, paid 20 times the national minimum wage to build it, with overtime, bonuses and a pension. The Orange One will have to serve them their lunch and won't be allowed to comb over his bald patch.

If Trump's not a WN I'll eat my hat. I'm tempted to see if his wife is on Twitter. I'd love to follow her and invite her onto this thread. Can you imagine the posts?!!

"My WN has just sacked half the judiciary and declared martial law. He seems to hate everyone, muslims, women, LGBT, men with a full head of hair. If I ever try and speak up he just narrows his eyes and lips, makes a funny gesture with his hands, and says "You know what, we're going to make this marriage great again. Build a wall, bring back our jobs, and this marriage will be just great. I think it's going great."

He is most definitely a WN!

I nicked that title from one of the signs at one of the protest marches so go for it!

Sorry, derailed myself with fantasies of marooning Trump !

I actually came on to empathise with you Chuckle In 12 years my ex never took a day off work when the dc were sick. I was a SAHM but sometimes I too was unwell, or had plans/an appointment that I really needed to make. But no, women's work. He never said it, but that's what he thought. Oh, and he's self-employed and works with family members, so no nasty boss to have to go to and ask.

Since our split I've always worked, also self-employed, he's still never looked after them when unwell. Infact he dropped dd off last year after an overnight. She came in and said I've been really unwell, daddy says I shouldn't go to school. I said ok, did he offer to stay home with you. She just said "No, he has to go to work" I pointed out that I did too, but of course I stayed home.

Frog I can see you're wary but I love that you met someone in the supermarket. I tend to get the loners muttering away to themselves next to me, with just a cup a soup and a small loaf of bread in their basket! I hope he proves, if only in some small way, to be someone that blocks out the confidence destroying rubbish that your ex has aimed at you.

As for my HJM (for those of you that remember) hadn't seen him around for about a month. Last night I resigned myself to it being a non-starter, and to forget him, and thought I bet I see him now. Yep, just drove past him walking in the rain! Ho hum (and unfortunately my heart did still jump).

Green if a hermit day beckons I hope you still post here. Perhaps we can all post about something silly/crazy/weird to lighten the mood? I could tell you about the time I fell down a drainage ditch in my village, on the way to pick my dc up from someone's house

Teabay - that is a far superior idea - now, how to start...

Dusters - did you see the clip at the inauguration when he turned to Melania and her face fell once he'd turned away from her? You can just about see Ivanka's reaction after he's turned around too. That relationship has DV written all over it.

There was an article written by a psychologist about Trump - he believes that Trump is at the worst end of the WN spectrum - a malignant Narc.

Yes, supermarket queue of all the places - I looked like absolute hell too - apparently something just 'told' him he had to speak to me and the freaky thing was that he said to me exactly what I had been thinking as I was stood there minding my own business. Anyhoo, I left and thought nothing of it (well, actually I thought a bit about it...) and the next day I went back in and saw the same cashier from the night before and she told me he'd come back in that morning asking if she knew me at all. We'll see - it's going to take a HECK of a lot of time and patience from him before I'm even remotely ready to trust another man.

Have you thought about asking HJM for a coffee? Maybe he's shy or, like me, oblivious unless the interested party makes is very obvious they are interested.

Yay nice to hear about HJM again!

Oooo Frog supermarket encounters!

DD's nursery just called - ex called and said he wanted to say happy birthday to DD so they put the phone on speaker and he said happy birthday and then asked DD if any teachers were near her, teacher answered that she is and the phone is on speaker and then he demanded to speak to DD in private. They didn't let that happen, contacted the social workers who said they don't have to answer the phone to ex so they won't from now on. I had already told the twat that we'd call him when DD gets home so he had no need to urgently call nursery (apparently he called several times, then they called me to ask if they should let him talk to her or not)

I haven't seen that clip Frog will have a look for it. I was very struck by their lack of interaction, and how whatever the moment she had the same expression on her face. I know it's unfair to compare, and she would have been nervous, but the difference between them and the Obama's was striking.

A malignant narc sounds terrifying !

The supermarket encounter just gets better. How flattering that he made the effort to go back.

As for my situation, I think you're right that he's oblivious. I'm a bit younger than him, and have much younger dc. I think he'd be amazed that I like him. I was with somebody yesterday who said she had to leave to go walking with a friend. I saw her later, on the way to the dc's school, and the friend was HJM's ex wife ! This is the other thing that makes me cautious. I knew that she knew HJM, but not that she knew his ex ! I know he's single but it's all just a bit claustrophobic. I'll wait till I see him again, which is inevitable, and gauge his reaction then.

Oh Nats he's such an arse. Sounds like the nursery are on the ball though. Happy Birthday to dd .

Just for a lighter moment here are my two favourite signs so far...

"Melania; blink twice if you need help

Grab 'Em By The Patriarchy!

Love those signs Teabay . There was one on the Trump Thread...

" WTF ? Y'all "

Well, you just can't make it up, can you. Said in my last post it was inevitable I'd see HJM again. Just picking my ds up from school (have to walk past his house). A van was there, obviously some work going on. He was chatting at the door, I didn't look over. On the way back he came out of his house and was getting into his car in my road. Just as he got in he saw me and waved, I waved back. I didn't cross over or make any attempt to speak to him, as I made the last move by sending the xmas card. So, the saga continues - or not !!

Frog just had a look at that clip of Melania and Trump. That's actually quite disturbing. If you can't, literally, put on a brave face when the world is watching what must it be like in private?