Support thread for those of us having to 'co-parent' with a narc or very difficult exh thread 4

[Lilacpink40]

Hi all

Yeah it is scary Lilac that's why I'm not sure about doing it. I've only done the interview for the documentary but that's different as they edit it heavily afterwards and get rid of all the bits where I'm waffling on.

Hello all,

The court hearing went as well as it could, very scary and a lot to think about/worry over. But essentially we continue on towards a final hearing to sort out finances. The stress has been immense and I still have a few more months of this left. One of the crappy things he did was he made me a (ridiculously low) offer for settling the finances, and one of his offers was that he would return my missing jewellery to me. I have been asking him about this (via courts) for the past year and he has denied all knowledge of it. And yet here he is 'offering' it to me as part of a settlement. He swore to the courts that the jewellery was missing and should he find it he would immediately give this to our children. He also wouldn't offer any settlement towards children, but said he would deal with that via CMS. Except of course he is in arrears with the (powerless) CMS anyway. So deliberately keeping assets from our little girls.
But of course it's just his true colours showing. I am getting more advice, the case plods on slowly and expensively.

Meanwhile he wants the children this weekend and girls including eldest do want to go so I am sending them. I have sent him a text making it extremely clear that it is his responsibility to return them for school, and I've also let the school know. DD1 has said if he doesn't bring them back she won't go again with him next time but my feeling is that he will tow the line for a bit now.

I've planned a nice weekend with family, will be a mix of out and about and chilling with tv/books at home. TBH I am pretty burnt out and could do with a break. This is the first time I have felt ok about the girls going with him, hopefully his power over me is wearing off. He is a soul-destroying dick.

Lilac I hope you are ok re new man. Sometimes being busy at work is such a godsend, I am also channeling energies into work where possible. I also got given this for Christmas which is a marvellous form of therapy!

Natsku well done, you are really going high-profile! I don't know the details of your brothers case, are they on this thread?

OhBollocks how are the black eyes coming along??! I found the Freedom programme fantastically helpful, I hope you do too. Also read 'Why does he do that?' by Lundy Bancroft and a lovely fiction book The Secret to Not Drowning by Collette Snowden also useful.

Noise, Homely8, SanFran Tinga how are you all doing?

Glad court went well and your ex revealed his true colours there, hope it doesn't take too long to get a final resolution.

I mentioned a bit about my brother's case on this thread but can't remember what I said, but its a hacking case that's been in the news a lot in the last year. I'm starting to lean towards going on GMB even though it'll probably be quite unpleasant but just because then I'll actually be able to say the things that so far haven't been written in the press and clear up some of the misconceptions people have.

Gosh, Natsku - that all sounds pretty overwhelming.

It is rather but at least its something I can actually do to try and help my brother, that's how I try to look at it anyway. Feels better than just sitting at home following the news.

That would wind me up no end Lilac the Royal "we". Who gives a rat's arse what his (latest) gf and the parents think. As you say, you'll be thinking about it at your and the dc's leisure. Getting back to him when it suits you. Just like he does

Glad another stage of the court case is over Name, and that it went as well as you hoped. What a liar about the jewellery. I'm sure nobody in court thought it was an amazing coincidence. The weekend sounds good, just try and switch your brain off for a bit. Love the colouring book, bl*dy, sht-tastic!!

Nats The DM piece seemed pretty sympathetic towards your brother's case - did it feel that way to you? I can see that GMTV would be pretty scary, but it would be an amazing platform. If you had Piers Morgan he's a bit of a rottweiler. But when he's on someone's side, and goes up against someone, he can be really good. He took the Transport Secretary apart the other day over the train strike. Would your mum or dad appear with you to lessen the nerves?

You should definitely trademark your DM sad face . Do you have one of those petitions going about the extradition? If it gets over a certain number of signatures I think it has to be raised at Prime Ministers Questions. Bearing in mind Theresa May used to be Home Secretary, would that be of any use?

Hi Frog Glad to "see" you.

Yeah the DM are very sympathetic towards his case, like they were with McKinnon. They did say I could go on either by myself or with my family but if I go on with my dad no one will get a word in edgeways, not even Piers
Its already been raised in PM questions but May was not interested in discussing him.

Ex is trying to cause trouble with DD's health care, which might be a big problem now as the doctor has referred her to the ear, nose, throat doctor for possible tonsil removal because he reckons that might be part of her sleeping trouble (she snores pretty bad) but there's no way my ex will give his consent and I think I could really get into trouble for going ahead with surgery without the other parent's consent.

Hi all, so much to catch up on. I have found all this WN stuff a bit depressing and overwhelming lately so have avoided. All seems so pointless sometimes. Currently ill in bed which doesn't help but does give me time to read! Will catch up now to all.

Oh dear hope you get better soon.

to you Purple I know what you mean. Sometimes I come on and read a fresh account of WN misery. It's just so frustrating and you feel awful for the person involved.

Nats Can't believe (well I can) that May wouldn't even discuss your brother's case. I love that your dad could out talk Piers, he sounds like a star. Do you have any knowledge/hunch as to why they're not treating your brother's case as they did Gary McKinnon. They seem so similar. They're quite happy to spend hundreds of thousands of pounds to protect Julian Assange in an Embassy in London

As for your dd surgery. Surely if one parent is of unsound mind and/or just being difficult the doctors must be able to continue in the best interests of the child? What could your ex actually do if you did go ahead, sue you!

Natsku - I'm sorry - I've missed various posts and have only just realised who your brother is.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. The USA are utter bastard bullies - much preferring to throw their weight around rather than recognise a huge opportunity.

Ever since the McKinnon case I have worries about this scenario since my eldest is autistic, very vulnerable and displays alarming computer capabilities.

I'' thinking of you, and your brother, and your parents.

Hi Dusters.

Sorry to be quiet, overwhelmed at the moment. Don't really know what to say but it seems he won't stop until he breaks me. Thanks for asking dusters

frog and purple was thinking of you and hoping you're ok.

lilac I understand what you're saying about your new relationship. Hope it works out.

Nat is there anything in the DM online? I was going to look then realised googling Natsku's brother is only going to give me our own threads

Green - don't let him.

Mine came close and as I'm sure is the same for yours: they are so very not worth it.

Grey rock.
Grey Rock.

I'm not sure what he can do but I'm asking my lawyer to make an emergency application for medical decision making rights.

They are treating my brother's case differently because the system is different now, the courts decide extradition rather than the home secretary.

Hi dusters, thanks. You guys are all so amazing but sometimes the WN similarities and relentlessness overwhelms me a bit.

I'm ok natsku - can still function - case of having to! Currently getting tea with a bucket nearby on standby

Sorry to hear about your ongoing situation with your brother - picked up by the Sun online too I notice. I think if you face a TV interview then it would be a good idea as you seem so clear thinking and rational, it would only add weight to your case. I wonder if you could talk to Piers before and fine out where his sympathies lay? He could be a useful support.

Hi green Sounds as though we are sharing a similar case of January blues. It's ok, I am normally low just before I come back fighting strong! So I am just waiting for that time...

Green He won't break you. He's nothing. Anybody who makes you feel like he does is just irrelevant. You have a shared past, but you don't have to have a shared future. You have a major connection, as we all do, through our children. But that's not a licence for him to try and ruin the rest of your life.

I know from your posts how much he's hurt you, but can you find a voice that allows you to treat him differently. By that I mean ignore all the usual social conventions. You know, just f**k him. What if you ignore him? What if you speak harshly to him? What if you tell him how it's going to be? What can he actually do. Be an arse? Well that's okay - he already is one!!

As Frog says, grey rock. You can do it. Go on, surprise him

Dusters has it green

By the way dusters was there anything after the Christmas card delivery?

Yeah its on DM online green search "quirky brother" and that should find it.

Ooo yeah dusters what happened with the Christmas card??!

They are definitely bastard bullies frog hypocritical ones at that with all the hacking the NSA does. Can understand your concern with your son, depending on his age it might be a good idea to let him see what kind of consequences there can be for certain computer acts.

green I know exactly how you feel. XP is on a mission to push me to breaking point, in fact his most recent communication was to taunt me about my MH. Well shit, I can't make it this easy for him! He's threatened me with court enough times but I suspect he knows he wouldn't have an easy time there, so he's pulling out all the stops to break me so that my baby is handed to him. He didn't realise we'd gone for quite a while, my curtains are still up and closed at my old house, he thought I'd retreated into the house in a depression, he thought he'd pushed me to breaking point, and he carried on pushing. That's sinister isn't it?

Think I will do GMB, my brother's press advisor reckons it'll help him so worth a shot. I'll be sure to let you lot know when it'll be so you can see how awkward I am on camera

We will be rooting for you nat.

Yes we will :)

Just remember to flood twitter with positive comments to drown out the ones commenting on my awful dress sense/mumbling/waffling on At least I'll get to see my family again out of it.

I'll be cheering you from the sofa Nats

As for HJM....No response. I didn't expect one, not really his style, and it was a very casual request about the payment, let me know when I next see you type thing. Funnily enough I did see him out walking this morning, I was driving. Felt pleased to see him, will just have to walk past his house a lot more - I could do with the exercise !! Typical isn't it, Sleazy Text Man I'm running a mile from, HJM is just round the corner but oblivious to everything