His ex is on my sofa right now...

[MotherBearAndBabyBear]

Hey.
So... either I'm batshit crazy and my pregnancy hormones are everywhere or I'm right in feeling hurt by the ongoings of this evening.

My partners ex from uni is staying tonight and tomorrow on my sofa and I cant shake this bad feeling in my gut. They were never serious and she dumped him after a month or two, but they were in university together and lived in the same house for 3 years and he's told me he's always had feelings for her and wished things didn't end between them.
This is the first time ive met her and she's spent all evening saying how much she hates kids (Ive got an 11 month old and pregnant with second) and how she never wants them and called us crazy and stupid for having kids!
Then he sat there agreeing with her saying his life is shit at the moment and parenting sucks!! -this is news to me...
Cherry on top he didn't/wont tell her I'm pregnant and now i feel really awkward about like he doesn't want this baby...
He spent all evening ignoring me and flirting with her in front of me, he was nicer to her than he's been to me in months, i was in the room with them playing a game while they were cuddled up together on the sofa flirting giggling and watching a film without me...
Am i mad for allowing this?
I went to bed early and left them to it at 11pm last night hoping to send a message I'm not ok with this... and he got into bed at 2am. He's sleeping next to me right now and she's on the sofa and I'm just seething quietly in bed,

Am i mad or is this okay behaviour?

Dump him

I'm furious on your behalf, OP. There would be no discussion for me, I'm afraid. I'd ask them both to leave. They have both behaved appallingly to the mother of his children, and his 'anger management' issues are a way of controlling you so you put up with this disgusting, disrespectful, diabolical behaviour.

Do not break your heart imagining them running off into the sunset together, towards some sort of happy ending - it won't happen. Two self-indulgent, self-absorbed, narcisisstic twats like these will never be truly happy, and will not be able to make each other happy, either. Let them have their miserable existence of paranoia, cheating, jealousy and mistrust - you're out.

What a twat! Get him to fuck.

Good luck OP.

I would think your DP is remembering the good times he had as a student before all the responsibility of a house and family began and is rather envious that this blast from the past seems to be having much more fun right now than he is.

This is all very natural - you may well feel the same if you had a friend from the past come to stay.

However, he is acting totally disrespectfully towards you - its OK for him to feel like this but not to express it in such a way. He should be telling you about the way he is feeling and not acting out like this.

Everyone has the right to act like a twat now again - he has had his chance so feel free to act like a twat yourself and insist she leaves and never returns.

WTAF?! I'm fuming for you!! Doesn't matter if your family are miles away if they're happy to have you, go!! Fucking wanker, he doesn't deserve you, your lo or your unborn child. Stay strong xx

Also:

either I'm batshit crazy and my pregnancy hormones are everywhere ....

The fact that you even consider that you might be in the wrong here, is very telling about the dynamic of your relationship. Not a single poster on this thread thinks you're crazy. Does he often suggest you are if you call him out on his behaviour?

Get out. This guy is emotionally manipulative, and his anger issues do not make for a healthy environment in which to raise children. You deserve so much better than this

Op, I hope you're ok.

What a bastard!! I don't know anyone that would've tolerated that shit.

I'd tell him this morning if family life and being a parent sucks, and he isn't happy about the baby, to get the fuck out and be single.

Unbelievable.

A lot of pp's have saud dump him. And it is very tempting to think thqt way. And yes he does appear to be a bit of an idiot..

BUT...

There are a lot of significant complications to dumping him. OP, you are a mother now and have a second on the way. Being a single parent is not for the faint hearted. You say family is a long way away. How will you manage financially whilst caring for an infant. It is very difficult to hold a well paid job and bring up a baby who wants 24 hour a day attention. The break in your career will have significant long term implications. How will your children grow up without a father? Can you really plan on finding another man who will love you and the children of another as his own?

I am not saying you must stick with him... just suggesting you need to think carefully. Yes he is not behaving irresponsibly. Dumping him allows him to walk away from his responsibilities. Yes he has anger issues, most young men are angry a lot of the time. These things can be addressed. Some relationships are doomed to fail. But none are easy from day one.

For the sake of your children and yourself, think things through before making a decision.

Throw both of them out and change the locks.

He doesn't like family life? Fab. Tell him to jog on. Make sure you claim CMS.

What a cunt.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope you're ok.

Personally I think he's behaved in an awful way, but I know how hard it is to confront and leave an abusive relationship.

Make sure you mention morning sickness this morning OP.

Keep the pregnancy secret indeed, cheeky twat!

I think it's your DP that is the problem. If they were part of a house share for three years I'd imagine she sees him as purely a friend. The behaviour and comments from her might be nothing more than tactlessness (were they drinking?). He sounds like a weak, disrespectful twat. Bad enough, but add in anger management issues and I'd be very worried about bringing a second baby into this set up. In fact I'd be off like a shot!

Oh I am livid on your behalf!! I hope you're as ok as you can be right now, and that you have chucked her out. Ask for support from your friends. Your other half is not a very nice man, and doesn't deserve you if he's behaving like this! Yanbu at all. You should chuck him out as well to be honest, but I know it might not be that easy. :( Horrible people with no respect.

😮
Unbelievable!
Chuck them both out.

Wow. Genuinely don't know how anyone could possibly think this was ok. Of course you are not mad

Op have you put her out yet? I hope so and send him packing too.
What a bastard!

OP I really hope you are OK. There's a lot of gung-ho advice here about kicking out the evil friend and having it out with your 'D'P but please, if I have read your posts correctly and he has anger issues, be very careful. You and your DC safety is paramount here

I too can see a host of red flags in your DPs behaviour. If you have never thought of him as anything but wonderful, having your eyes open to this must be a nasty shock to you.

Keep safe, be calm and consider your options. Moving back to your family, however far away they are would be a good move,I think

Of course you're not mad. What an appalling behaviour! Is he heartless or does he not have any respect for you? Make him understand that you're extremely unhappy and upset and if he still wants to exist in your life, he must change his attitude drastically.

Op, what do you mean by anger management issues?
Could he get violent?

Hi OP, hope you don't mind but I recognised your name from another thread.

I know you have no family support and are only 20 so it is not that straightforward.

However I suspect that given your age, lack of family support, diagnosed health issues and situation with your little boy and pregnancy etc that you would get quite a bit of help if you asked for it.

You may even get housing. I'm not in the UK but could someone else let her know who to ring to find out her options?

Wow, what a twat.

Hope you're ok.

What the hell??

I read your initial post with my face like this:

Absolutely, no way is ANYTHING he did remotely acceptable. What an awful, cruel man he is.

You deserve so much better!