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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

DH lying about where he is

141 replies

HomeShapedBox · 10/12/2016 18:18

So he's gone out on his works xmas do, told me he was going to town in fact that's a lie, because on Facebook one of the people he's with said they where in the city.

He called me and I asked where he was, he said I'm in the town, I said oh right because according to Facebook you are in the city? Then he told me he was, and that he'd lied

He also told me the a woman from his work (who is known as a homewrecker) is not there. Guess what? Yep she's there alright

So, how do you deal with this type of lying??

He also said "look if you're gonna kick off I'll stay out all weekend"

Raging is an understatement.

Why fucking lie?

OP posts:

sleepyMe12 · 10/12/2016 18:19

I'd tell him to stay out permenant with that last remark!

TheGruffaloMother · 10/12/2016 18:20

Tell him to feel free to stay out all weekend. Let him not be at home when the hangover dread kicks in. He's been caught out and has the nerve to lash out at you because of it!

Original poster

HomeShapedBox · 10/12/2016 18:23

Honestly I'm close to going nuclear

I'm supposed to be picking him up from the train station later, I won't be answering the phone when he calls.

I'm actually shaking with rage

OP posts:

Original poster

HomeShapedBox · 10/12/2016 18:24

Oh and I can't get hold of him now because his phone is dead, he had to use a mates phone to ring me.

Fucking convenient eh

OP posts:

TheGruffaloMother · 10/12/2016 18:25

Yep, no picking him up.

Do you live together?

Pestilence13610 · 10/12/2016 18:26

Ouch
I would be tempted to respond with 'If you are going to stay out all weekend, don't bother coming back ever.'
Seeing you have bothered to marry him, you probably need to find a combination of diplomatic and firm, that will work on him.
Good luck, he sounds like he is having a tosspot moment.

MarciaBlaine · 10/12/2016 18:27

Well the home wrecker comment is Out of order, but I would tell him to fuck off, lock the door and go to bed at the normal time. Sorry he is such a twat.

Original poster

HomeShapedBox · 10/12/2016 18:28

We own a house together.

If I don't pick him up he can't get home, we live quite rural.

I won't be picking him up

I think the lying may just be a deal breaker for me. It's not the first time he's lied about his whereabouts

OP posts:

TheGruffaloMother · 10/12/2016 18:29

Ah, DH, not DP. So you probably do live together then.

Text the mate. Just say "tell him not to bother coming home this weekend and not to make threats he has no intention of keeping. He's welcome back at home when the lies have dried up and the explanations have started to flow."

OohhThatsMe · 10/12/2016 18:31

So you're married to this man - do you have children?

Does he have a history of bad behaviour?

mumonashoestring · 10/12/2016 18:33

The threat of staying out all weekend is supposed to have you so panic stricken at the thought of not knowing where he is you'll back down, tuck your tail between your legs and stop calling him out on his shitty behaviour. I imagine its going to come as quite a shock for him to realise he's pushed you far enough for it not to work.

Dozer · 10/12/2016 18:36

V bad of him.

Why if he's trustworthy would it matter which women were out? Does he have a history of infidelity or inappropriate behaviour with OW?

Original poster

HomeShapedBox · 10/12/2016 18:37

Yes we have children and he has a history of lying. I thought that had stopped, clearly not!

I feel sick I don't think I've ever been so angry

OP posts:

RebootYourEngine · 10/12/2016 18:37

I like Gruffalos text.

MyWineTime · 10/12/2016 18:40

WTF is a homewrecker? Do these poor helpless men have no control under her spell?

He's a dick for lying. It's up to you what you are willing to put up with.
I do wonder why he lied though. Would he expect you to object to him going into the city?

Original poster

HomeShapedBox · 10/12/2016 18:40

He was texting this woman at one point, no idea what the messages said as he deleted them and I only have his word for it that it was work related (it was on whatsapp, I don't know how it works but it showed there had been a conversation with her but the actual messages had been deleted)

Then a couple of months later he told me that the lads from work had gone out and she had slept with a married man but it was "just a drunken mistake"

I've just found out he's a lying bastard, so no, I don't trust him as far as I can throw him now.

OP posts:

OohhThatsMe · 10/12/2016 18:40

When he lied about his whereabouts before, was it because he was with a woman?

It's awful being married to someone who lies to you. He should be the one person you can trust.

Original poster

HomeShapedBox · 10/12/2016 18:42

And no, the "poor man" wasn't helpless, he was a spineless cheating piece of shit. But it takes 2 to tango.

OP posts:

Original poster

HomeShapedBox · 10/12/2016 18:43

No he wasn't with a woman last time, told me he had been at a friends house all night playing cards, got busted a few days later when somebody I know told me he'd been talking to my husband in the pub that night!

OP posts:

HeavenlyEyes · 10/12/2016 18:47

was the married man she slept with him?

Original poster

HomeShapedBox · 10/12/2016 18:50

No he wasn't there that night

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 10/12/2016 18:53

I'm clearly missing something, why would he feel the need to lie to you about going to th town or the city. ? Surely that's just geography and irrelevant.

I don't think you should call this woman a home wrecker because according to Him she slept with a married man as a drunken mistake. That's a bit over the top,

And what's app doesn't show what your saying, if you delete all the message ps then it's gone, you can't tell if a conversation took place or not.

I'd suggest taking a deep breath as that's a weird lie to tell on location , I'd be curious about that. The woman is an irrelevance. He's coming home.

Original poster

HomeShapedBox · 10/12/2016 18:53

And once, before we lived together, he text me saying goodnight he was in bed. Got a phone call at 4am from the hospital, he was in A&E, steaming drunk with a big gash on his face, he had no idea what had happened.

I'm a fucking mug aren't I?

OP posts:

ThirdTimeLuck · 10/12/2016 18:53

Your DH is a stupid, stupid man. I'd treat him as such. If I was in this position I'd maintain total calmness, I wouldn't be texting his work mates or anyone else at this point. I'd probably pick him up if he had no other way of getting home, but I'd not speak to him at all and I'd refuse to get into a conversation with him about anything whilst he had a skinful. I'd make him sleep downstairs/in another room/in the garden. In the morning I'd be waking him up bright and early with a packed bag and I'd tell him to get lost. Maybe after a few days I'd contact him and then decide what to do, unless I'd decided sooner that lying about stupid things was enough to end the relationship then I'd tell him sooner.

The problem with these kinds of lies in particular are that they seem pointless - out for a drink in town/out for a drink in the city doesn't seem like much to get upset about l. Only it indicates deeper issues, either he's lying about more than just that or he enjoys having a weird type of control. Seemingly pointless lies are rarely pointless.

Don't let him make you appear to be the one giving him grief or overreacting, he's clearly gaslighting you and he think twice about telling his workmates and friends that you're a 'psycho' who controls him and doesn't let j have any freedom.

TheGruffaloMother · 10/12/2016 18:54

got busted a few days later when somebody I know told me he'd been talking to my husband in the pub that night!

He's not even trying to cover his tracks then? Just doing as he pleases, showing zero respect for you and telling you what he thinks he's supposed to say. I'd go batshit in your shoes. That or completely switch off from him and move on.

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