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Original poster

DH lying about where he is

141 replies

HomeShapedBox · 10/12/2016 18:18

So he's gone out on his works xmas do, told me he was going to town in fact that's a lie, because on Facebook one of the people he's with said they where in the city.

He called me and I asked where he was, he said I'm in the town, I said oh right because according to Facebook you are in the city? Then he told me he was, and that he'd lied

He also told me the a woman from his work (who is known as a homewrecker) is not there. Guess what? Yep she's there alright

So, how do you deal with this type of lying??

He also said "look if you're gonna kick off I'll stay out all weekend"

Raging is an understatement.

Why fucking lie?

OP posts:
Original poster
HomeShapedBox · 11/12/2016 00:23

I'm not actually bothered about the house, I just don't want to be homeless!

Would we have to stay in the house living seperately lives until it's sold?

OP posts:
GlitteryFluff · 11/12/2016 00:38

I'm sorry op Flowers

SandyY2K · 11/12/2016 01:14

A solicitor can advise best, taking your individual circumstances (kids /ages/income etc) into account.

MouseLove · 11/12/2016 01:28

Kick HIM out. You stay in the house with the kids. What a twatbag. I think you're a bigger person than me for letting him sleep in your bed!! He would be on the sofa or better still outside in the shed!!

Thattimeofyearagain · 11/12/2016 07:05

Did you get any sleep op?
I would pack him a bag, wake him up & tell him to go for now. You've had a shock and need time alone to process what he said.
Be warned, this may cause tears, hysteria and claims of not remembering ( been there, got the t-shirt) but stand firm.
BrewFlowers

Lunar1 · 11/12/2016 07:28

I hope you got some sleep. How old are your children?

Xocaraic · 11/12/2016 09:08

OP. I hope you hit some sleep, you will feel raw today and that is normal
After what you have been through in last 24 hours.
Silence is golden at this point. Bite your tongue answer only questions like where is the jam and did you see my keys. He might recording you. It's happened to others and will be used against you.
Get independent legal and financial advise. (Some money advise here www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/categories/divorce-and-separation )
Might be good to speak with someone in Relate or someone here might recommend a good advocate. You want excellent not just OK advice.
I'm sorry you are going through this. Many hugs to you.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 11/12/2016 09:16

How old are your children? What an awful situation.

knorrig · 11/12/2016 09:34
Flowers
GizmoFrisby · 11/12/2016 09:51

Hope your ok opBrewFlowersChocolate

uhoh2016 · 11/12/2016 10:05

You need to get a grip of yourself!

  1. You only know this woman is "homewrecker" because HE TOLD YOU about her 1 drunken fling. Would he really tell you if he thought she was the office bike working her way around the staff and he thought he was in with a chance?
  2. She works with him so why wouldn't she be on the Xmas night out 🤔
  3. You have rang him whilst he's out to have a pop at him I'm not surprised he's snapped back with the not caring about you line (not saying it's acceptable but likely to be said in the heat of the moment in a drunken row)
  4. He came home when he told you was even though you'd already in your head assumed he was snagging the homewreckers
  5. I've no idea why he lied about where he was going but judging by your massive over reaction I can only assume he didn't tell you of the change of plan to avoid an ear-bashing that he inevitably got any way.

You seem very insecure unfortunately he's gone about dismissing your insecurity the complete wrong way.

uhoh2016 · 11/12/2016 10:06

*shagging not snagging

kittybiscuits · 11/12/2016 10:28

Sounds like the OH preparing the excuses....

HappyJanuary · 11/12/2016 10:33

I think you're right to be angry op.

He has a long history of lying, and I can see how this is the straw that broke the camel's back.

I don't understand those pp saying she needs to get a grip. Did you see that he's lied about stuff for years? The time he text her goodnight because he was going to bed, but was drunk in A&E. The time he said he was playing cards at a friend's house but was actually in the pub.

And that's just two examples that op knows about. Those sorts of lies erode trust over years, and now op discovers he lied about where he was going, and who would be there.

Maybe op was wrong to call this woman a homewrecker but for various reasons her hackles are up about this woman - the fact that her dh deletes her texts, and that she has no qualms about sleeping with a married man.

If someone posted on here that her dh was deleting messages from a female colleague she'd be told to trust her instincts. Yet now, because she's angry, she's being told that she's overreacting.

kittybiscuits · 11/12/2016 10:35

It's actually quite common affair behaviour to drop in information about an affair and say it's someone else. It's a form of mentionistis and it gives the cheating partner an opportunity to gauge the response of the other partner.

That said, who knows if your OH is cheating OP. I think you have good reasons not to trust him though.

uhoh2016 · 11/12/2016 10:40

No it sounds like what actually happened not what OP dreamt up in her imagination.
Divorce for going somewhere different on a night out? Really ? Cos that's the ONLY thing he's done wrong . He'd been out since 11am it's perfectly acceptable that his battery would be by evening.

Original poster
HomeShapedBox · 11/12/2016 10:42

Managed to get a bit of sleep, he is cleaning the house and I'm going back to bed, lots of grovelling and apologies this morning

Thanks for those who have supported me, and for the "get a grip" poster, cheers, that helped loads Hmm

OP posts:
uhoh2016 · 11/12/2016 10:43

So he lied about being in the pub? If he gets an ear full every time he goes out with the lads I'm not surprised

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 11/12/2016 10:44

uhoh 'office bike', really? Shock

There really isn't the information here for people to surmise anything other than what OP has said, only she knows what is going on. Doesn't stop the rabid speculation though, dressed up as support. It would be the last thing that I needed to read if I was OP and already angry at my marriage being over.

If OP says that he's been cheating then that's different but she hasn't. The 'homewrecker' woman had some kind of thing with a married man but that doesn't mean that she's 'anybody's'. Other than the fact that OP's husband contacted her on a work issue, there's no link, is there? The projection and terms used about this woman are horrible.

OP has said of her concerns about being homeless though so why not address that instead of the 'juicy' cheating gossiping? Hmm

happychristmasbum · 11/12/2016 10:45

I think you need to sit down with him and have a good talk about what he said to you last night. Did he mean it?

Maybe counselling would help you both?

kittybiscuits · 11/12/2016 10:46

I wouldn't be swayed by 'sorry behaviour'. He's a liar. This cannot be fixed by doing the washing up. He got caught lying again. He's hoping it will blow over. Again. It's completely disrespectful.

HappyJanuary · 11/12/2016 10:47

Uhoh, no what he's done wrong is lied for years and proven himself to be a prolific and convincing liar, developed mentionitis about a female colleague, deleted text from the same colleague and called op a horrible cunt that he hasn't cared about for years.

It might not end in divorce, it already sounds like op is mellowing, but anyone who would happily roll over and take that behaviour in a relationship is gullible at best imo.

uhoh2016 · 11/12/2016 10:48

Lying I'm not saying this woman is the office bike but I think OP thinks she is

HappyJanuary · 11/12/2016 10:49

Uhoh, and how do you know he gets an earful every time he goes out with the lads? He got an earful last night for all of the reasons already outlined.

kittybiscuits · 11/12/2016 10:52

I don't really think anyone gives a shiny shite about the woman from work. That's a side issue.