Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

DH lying about where he is

141 replies

HomeShapedBox · 10/12/2016 18:18

So he's gone out on his works xmas do, told me he was going to town in fact that's a lie, because on Facebook one of the people he's with said they where in the city.

He called me and I asked where he was, he said I'm in the town, I said oh right because according to Facebook you are in the city? Then he told me he was, and that he'd lied

He also told me the a woman from his work (who is known as a homewrecker) is not there. Guess what? Yep she's there alright

So, how do you deal with this type of lying??

He also said "look if you're gonna kick off I'll stay out all weekend"

Raging is an understatement.

Why fucking lie?

OP posts:

TheGruffaloMother · 10/12/2016 21:45

OK OP, while I can understand your reaction and am all for him walking back given his threat to you, your rage isn't helpful to you. You need to calm down somehow so you can look at this more rationally. Is he walking back now or going elsewhere? How much time do you have to get your head in a more productive place?

kittybiscuits · 10/12/2016 21:48

This is no way to live Home

Fidelia · 10/12/2016 21:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

HomeShapedBox · 10/12/2016 21:54

His phone is dead, I dialled 1471 and have no idea who's phone he's used, not the one he rang me off earlier anyway

No idea if he's walking back or got back on the train and gone to his mates.

No idea

OP posts:

exLtEveDallas · 10/12/2016 22:03

Well there is no point raging about it now is there? You don't want him home, it looks like he won't be coming home, so you've got your wish.

You need to calm down. Take a breath and probably try to sleep. You two need to talk, properly, without alcohol and probably without the kids around.

I get that you are upset, but your reaction is way over the top. If there is more to this it is better discussed with cooler heads. You'll get nowhere the way you both are now.

Thattimeofyearagain · 10/12/2016 22:12

Please try to calm down. If he does turn up at home tell him to sleep on the couch and leave it at that. Talk / action can happen in the morning.

sprinklesofweirdness · 10/12/2016 22:18

hope your okay OP

WannaBe · 10/12/2016 22:35

This is all a bit hysterical/OTT. He didn't tell you where he was, no, that's not ok and you need to talk about that.

But equally why have you been quizzing him about whether a certain person will be there? It's irrelevant what she's done in the past, if you have insecurities about her then they are surely about your DH, not about her?

Is it possible that your insecurity is what is leading him to not tell you things?

Someone lying to cover their tracks is one thing but he isn't. He's lying but isn't actually making any effort to cover it up. You need to have a discussion about why that is.

But TBH I've read posts on here from women who have been out with friends and who come home to raging partners who accuse them of all sorts, including having slept with other men. And you sound like one of them. It must quite honestly be exhausting to have to live on the edge like that, walking on egg shells, wanting to know if your partner is going to be raging and telling you it's over when you get home over something you haven't actually done.

I do think that lying is bad, but it sounds to me as if there is more reason behind why he is lying, and your disproportionate response makes me think that there is more of an element of control here on your part, and this is a protective mechanism on his.

happychristmasbum · 10/12/2016 22:50

So whose phone is he calling from now?

It might be better not to let him in tonight if you are this upset.

uhoh2016 · 10/12/2016 22:56

If he had said he was going to the city and the home wrecker would be there would you have been bothered and given him ear ache? If yes then I understand why he lied (not saying it's acceptable on any level tho) if not then he may be hiding something

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 10/12/2016 23:09

I think a lot of the posts here are unhelpful because they're winding you up and validating your anger, OP. You sound incredibly angry and I'm struggling to understand why from what you've posted.

Perhaps you're right and your marriage is over. I wouldn't put up with a partner in a rage all the time, in fact I'd be long gone. You and he need to have a civilised discussion when he's back and you're both sober (as WannaBe has said), to determine where you go from here and if necessary, make plans to split up.

cookieswirls · 10/12/2016 23:15

Original poster

HomeShapedBox · 10/12/2016 23:21

He lies because he "hasn't cared about me for a long time" and I'm just a horrible cunt.

What's that saying about in vino something?

OP posts:

thegoodnameshadgone · 10/12/2016 23:21

My stbxh did this week on week out when I had our daughter. From about 2 weeks before I was due to every weekend until I left. Every fucking week. Every Friday morning he created a row. So he could stay out all Friday night. I'd call Saturday morning and quite rightly have a go and that would be the excuse to stay out all Saturday. Come home Sunday night all sorry. It's draining. It's unfair. It makes you doubt yourself. Sorry but get rid. He's childish, ultimately selfish and your so much better than that. Get rid. Move on. Be happy. Sorry your going through this it feels absolutely crap.

Original poster

HomeShapedBox · 10/12/2016 23:25

Well I'll be fucking damned if I'm staying with somebody who clearly hates me.

He's in bed now, I'm in our sons bed

OP posts:

Joysmum · 10/12/2016 23:28

Was there any conversation or did you. Oth maintain silence.

Original poster

HomeShapedBox · 10/12/2016 23:28

See my post above my last one

OP posts:

SandyY2K · 10/12/2016 23:30

I'm sorry this is happening to you OP. I understand your anger with the lies and over time, it erodes the trust and confidence you need in a marriage.

Collect your thoughts before you speak to him though, in case you say something you later regret.

Maybe start with a seperation, rather than divorce to see if you can work things out. If you truly feel you're done, then I equally understand why.

It's not the first time and usually people lie for a reason. I don't get why he couldn't say he was in the city though. Or why say the home wrecker wasn't going to be there. Why say anything at all about her... unless you asked and he thought it best to lie to you.

I'm sorry again for the situation. Take care.

Original poster

HomeShapedBox · 10/12/2016 23:34

Oh he's spoke alright, basically told me he hates me, in fact I asked him why he would lie to somebody he cares about, his actual words were "I haven't cared about you for a long time"

So there you have it. Marriage over

OP posts:

FlouncedBack · 10/12/2016 23:39

What a shyster. I'm really sorry you're in this situation, Home.
It's your time now, you're
the one who decides how this goes from now on,
keep a cool head and plot and plan away.

LavenderDoll · 10/12/2016 23:41

He sounds awful OP
Stay strong

ringroads · 10/12/2016 23:42

Oh my goodness how shit for you op, I wonder what else he may have lied About!

SandyY2K · 10/12/2016 23:44

Based on your last post, you're right to file for divorce without delay.

NoMudNoLotus · 10/12/2016 23:55

You don't need to apologise for the home wrecker comment OP.

Some men are home wreckers & so are some women.

Iv had the misfortune to encounter a female home wrecker & that I'm afraid is the only term I would use for her.

Original poster

HomeShapedBox · 11/12/2016 00:21

Anyone know what would happen to the house? Would I have to leave? I couldn't afford the mortgage on my wage alone, he could though.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6