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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH lying about where he is

141 replies

HomeShapedBox · 10/12/2016 18:18

So he's gone out on his works xmas do, told me he was going to town in fact that's a lie, because on Facebook one of the people he's with said they where in the city.

He called me and I asked where he was, he said I'm in the town, I said oh right because according to Facebook you are in the city? Then he told me he was, and that he'd lied

He also told me the a woman from his work (who is known as a homewrecker) is not there. Guess what? Yep she's there alright

So, how do you deal with this type of lying??

He also said "look if you're gonna kick off I'll stay out all weekend"

Raging is an understatement.

Why fucking lie?

OP posts:
Xocaraic · 10/12/2016 20:38

OP. Please, for your own sake, take a breath. No knee jerk reaction.
Think like a man! They can box off the various parts of their lives (generally) much better than women.
He has lied. Tonight and before. That changes now, tonight.
You need to decide if this relationship is worth saving. If it is, you need counselling; both couples and individual.
If not, you need independent legal and financial advice.
Don't let this fester but equally, don't vent your spleen with him tonight/tomorrow. Silence is golden. Scare him with a new, formidable you!
We are here for you. You are not crazy, you have been played and you have a right to feel betrayed by that.

Original poster
HomeShapedBox · 10/12/2016 20:42

I'll be seeing a solicitor next week, tonight has just been downright unacceptable, I don't want him when I don't know where the fuck he's been or who he's been with.

He has lost everything. So I hope it was fucking worth it. I'm done

OP posts:
Bobobobobob · 10/12/2016 20:42

Blummin heck OP please don't apologise for the 'home wrecker ' comment. You
were upset and who is to say she hasn't wrecked the home of the man invalved in the drunken mistake whether it be now or in the future.

Original poster
HomeShapedBox · 10/12/2016 20:43

Can't trust a liar. He can fuck right off.

OP posts:
Original poster
HomeShapedBox · 10/12/2016 20:45

Well my husband is probably with her tonight.

He is dead to me now

I'm sorry but I can't calm down, and being unable to contact him makes things 100x worse. I feel fucking sick

OP posts:
Pestilence13610 · 10/12/2016 20:47

You can't argue with a drunk. When he gets back, send him to the dog house/sofa.
Tomorrow he will be sober and you will be calm. Lay down the law then.
Big hugs, had a DP like this years ago, could never sort the big lies from the silly little ones, drives you insane.

Original poster
HomeShapedBox · 10/12/2016 20:51

There is no talking to be done, sober or otherwise. it's over

OP posts:
Fairybella · 10/12/2016 20:56

Op
This sucks.... been there run while u can with ur head held high!

Original poster
HomeShapedBox · 10/12/2016 21:00

If he thinks he's going to come home tomorrow and I'm going to believe a fucking word that comes out of his mouth he's in for a shock

Straw that broke the camels back.

OP posts:
Badgoushk · 10/12/2016 21:01

You must be so angry. How old are your children?

MadeForThis · 10/12/2016 21:02

Have a bag packed for him. He'll come home trying to play the victim. Don't listen. Try to get some sleep.

Fairybella · 10/12/2016 21:02

Is he back? Or have u heard anything yet

Veggiesupremeextracheese · 10/12/2016 21:05

What a bastard, has he got the train do you know?

Original poster
HomeShapedBox · 10/12/2016 21:09

He's just called saying he's at the train station can I pick him up?!

My response was "can I fuck now piss off"

Too angry to respond any other way

OP posts:
Doublemint · 10/12/2016 21:12

good for you op!

Original poster
HomeShapedBox · 10/12/2016 21:12

He can walk the 4 miles home. See if I give a fuck, or get back on that train and fuck off elsewhere

OP posts:
Original poster
HomeShapedBox · 10/12/2016 21:13

Absolutely raging Angry

OP posts:
Doublemint · 10/12/2016 21:16

You need to calm down a bit if you can and think about what you're going to do when he's home. I'm all for ignoring him rather than have a row with a drunk liar. But it might be an idea to think about what will happen next tonight X

CondensedMilkSarnies · 10/12/2016 21:18

I don't know whether the fact he got the train home is a good thing or not.

Good that he's not with someone else.

Not good that he's got enough arrogance to assume he can ask you for a lift.

MouseLove · 10/12/2016 21:18

I think you've talked yourself into something this is not and your comments have led you into a rage. Is there a reason why you would be bothered that he's gone somewhere else? Personally if that were my relationship I'd not be bothered in the slightest. DH would probably say "oh our plans changed" or text me saying so. He's back home at 9pm on a Saturday, when did he go out? Does he lie often? Do you love him enough to find out why he's done this?

I apologise if I've missed some other info, I didn't read some of the posts. Sending hugs, be rational. See this for what it is.

Original poster
HomeShapedBox · 10/12/2016 21:22

I don't know why he lied, the plans changed last week so he's had ages to tell me. He's been out since 11am.

He can fuck right off. If he dares show his face here tonight I'll be going and getting in one of the kids beds. I don't want him near me, he's a liar, if he can lie about his whereabouts then what else is he lying about?

Trust has totally gone now

OP posts:
Chocolate123 · 10/12/2016 21:27

What an absolute asshole. Mind yourself Flowers

Happybunny19 · 10/12/2016 21:27

Well I'm as confused as Mouselove. His response was that of a drunken dick, showing off in front of his friends, but his back quite early. Can't really see much of an issue.

SherlockStones · 10/12/2016 21:33

This thread seems a classic case of confirmation bias.

Standingonmytippytoes · 10/12/2016 21:36

The issue is the lies why would he tell so many options says he's known all week he'd be in the city with a woman that the op has insecurities about. He had plenty of chances to tell op but chose not to has ignored her all evening allowing get mind to wander then when questioned he threatened her.

I will say he has come back quite early op so it's unlikely he's been up to anything.
I maybe wouldn't throw my marriage away over it but tomorrow when sober would have a frank and honest conversation tell him the lies have to stop or he'll be out on his arse. I can't deal with those lies either op they're the time so stressful especially when there's no reason for them.