Dating thread 111- just waiting...

[Evilwater]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good.

Mr Birmingham is also the kind of guy my parents would roll their eyes at. Long hair, tattoos, loves board games and gaming in general. And shorter than me.

Or bin them both off

How do you know Mr Brum would be a good shag??

Sorry but Mr brum doesn't really sound like much of a catch...I would try out Mr tall first. I don't think Mr Brum is long term material...

I have a new iron - Mr Too Young...yes, 10 years younger than me. No kids, never married, reasonable job, seems fun - but not exactly brimming with intelligent conversation. That said, his messages are well written, spelled correctly and properly punctuated.

Why do men like that go for women like myself with kids and a little on the older side...is he looking for something in particular?

Mr Brum can talk the talk which is why he sounds like he could be a good shag.

When I put them against each other Mr Tall does come off a whole better doesn't he. Mr Brum is quitting his 25k a year job to start a gaming blog and go part time in a shop somewhere . Not exactly long term life material is it.

Mr Tall is very intense with texting etc but when I've asked him to back off a bit he has immediately.

sorry Arkkorox what does it mean Mr Brumm 10 years friend never met ?!?!?
I would give Mr Tall a chance, he may have some trick up his sleeve

Boxing I met him on a dating forum when I was 17! And we've been chatting over text/ phone calls etc ever since but either one of us has always been in a relationship so we never got together. He lives a couple of hours away from me.

Blimey ! how funny. Well, new year new irons I would say then :-)

So if I'm not sure if reduced contact after staying over is all in my head paranoia or is actually happening, is looking for another iron a good or bad thing?

My post seems to have disappeared. I'll try and recall what I said; apologies if I end up posting twice!

baklava sorry about the reduced contact. The uncertainty / questioning is a horrible thing. A new iron to chat to might be distracting if nothing else? Fingers crossed he's busy and not flakey.

A question for you 'experts' . I've been messaging a guy tonight who seems 'normal' but has only been separated for 6 months after a 10 year marriage. I feel a bit wary- am I being over cautious? My only experience has been with mr no commitment who was still emotionally attached to his ex after being separated for over 3 years. So I don't know if my judgement is skewed. Looking at 2 friends who are going through divorces, neither would have wanted a relationship after 6 months. What do you guys think?

I'd say the chances are more likely that he needs a transition relationship than a long term one. Mind you, I got together with my ex 5 months out of a 13 year marriage, and we were together for 9 years. I think it depends on who dumped who...

Thank you! That's helpful. Not sure I can ask him who dumped who yet- I feel a bit nosey! I haven't asked an iron about this before unless we've actually been on a date. It's just in the messaging he mentioned he was still getting used to nights in front of the tv on his own and alarms went off in my head.

I don't want to be a transitional relationship. I've just spent 6 months ego stroking a guy who was still attached to his ex and it nearly crushed me as I felt like the OW by the end of it as he talked about her so much.

I'm only out of my marriage 6 months, Clawdeen and I have to say, even though it was me who instigated the split and had been thinking of doing so for two years, I'm still not ready to dive headlong into a serious relationship. That's not to say everyone else feels the same though. Sometimes it's just 'right' (it did happen to a friend of mine- her husband left her, 3 months later she met someone quite by chance and he is the love of her life, so it can work).

It appears that I have a First Date coming up! Seems like a nice bloke, able to spell, has neither asked for or offered nudey pics. Do I have to think of a name for him?

Thanks shodan, I won't write him off just yet then. Assuming he hasn't written me off due to my interrogation!

Wow- a 'normal' iron- a rare breed! Yep, we need a name

Ok...erm... let's just call him Mr Normal, for now

Date is set for a week on Thursday. I haven't been on a first date for 13 years! It's going to feel strange, for sure.

Clawdeen, my 20 year marriage started to fail in January and finally in May he told me he was never coming back. I'm 6 weeks into my first relationship and have been divorced for just over 2 weeks. It's going really well and I'm very happy. Is it for forever? I haven't a clue/probably not, but we both seem to be serious about each other and are enjoying being together.

mrsfluff that is reassuring! You're our beacon of hope on this thread! It's so lovely hearing your updates about Mr31.

I think my shields are up after getting hurt. I need to be less cynical. Though he has just messaged saying 'it's not easy but I think I'm moving on'! Not entirely convincing. But anyway I have zero time to meet before Xmas and really should have been present ordering online rather than checking OKC! So I think I'm safe from over investing.

mrsfluff yes pls don't leave the thread ;-) its lovely to hear about a stress free fresh start

Clawdeen cynical has never hurt anyone ;-)

meanwhile I have gone and (been ridiculous) with mr cutie
I really must stop this madness

should have been shopping for new boots too, me feel

Thank you both I feel like a bit of a fraud really, as I didn't go on that many dates. I do love coming and reading all the updates, I'm now OI in the thread As I said, I don't know where this relationship is going, but I'm not worrying, I'm just having fun and enjoying life.

Clawdeen, is it cynical, or some self preservation? I don't think it hurts to be a little wary. Lol, checking online is addictive!

Boxing, there's nowt wrong with having a bit of ridiculous iin your life!!!

arrkorox after 10 years of messaging, you obviously know this man so well and he's not going to disappear or turn out to be a flake...I'd HAVE to meet him! He's been a constant in your life for ages, he might be the one! I'm probably being over romantic here but to me, this looks like one of those stories you read about..please meet him at least

baklava it's sucks doesn't it? I don't think there is many of us who have gone through, or will, the reduced contact, slow fade or ghosting after moose burgers.. sad but true, it's definately a big thing in OLD.
Myself it's happened twice this year

clawdeen as others have said, a healthy dose of cynicism is good actually

mrs fluff I love your updates! Please come back once a week to give us all hope that there are some nice ones out there and that we might actually get some kind of relationship out of all the dross

So I have a lunchtime date today! It's an odd one...because I'm taking my son
The guy is Italian, runs a pizzeria. He's impatient to meet and this time of year is super busy so not many nights off, he asked me twice to come in, and have lunch with him in his restaurant...I told him I have a 4 year old, he wasn't fazed so I thought, why not. I'm not doing anything today and who doesn't love pizza!

I mean if my child's hanging upside down, knocking over drinks and asking him a whole list of questions doesn't put him off or he doesn't get called away every 5 minutes in to sort out something in work it will be considered a success.. oh dear! Will report back later eek

Tried OLD and feel it's been a disaster! Relationship split earlier this year and testing the water.. spoke for a few weeks with a lovely guy, or so it seemed, met, huge attraction there. Too much wine, one thing led to another and now I think he's lost interest...

last good luck! That did make me smile. I imagine having your 4 year old with you will take away any date nerves; you'll be too busy dealing with 'requests' and toilet trips! Have fun, and look forward to an update.

I've just had a message from a guy who looks decent in his photos, is local and the profile seemed compatible/normal until. . .
He says he is 'extremely well endowed length 25cm/9.75' girth 18cm/7'. Not trying to be crude or rude just honest and straightforward as this has been an issue for some women'
Is that a normal thing to put in your profile??? OLD has a tendency to normalise weird behaviour in my mind sometimes and I need a reality check!!

Erm no Claw not Normal.

I expect he's rather proud of it lol.

Haha ark, thanks for the reality check. I was starting to think ' oh poor guy, he must feel the need to mention it as he must have had so many disastrous dates where women have ditched him because of it'. Duh!
Anyway, he has already disabled his account, so something must have been awry!

thanks
yes ridiculous can be fun, unfortunately I was stroppy and that doesn't really work, does it?

hiding in shame today