Dating thread 111- just waiting...

[Evilwater]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good.

My response would be 'well, have fun playing with yourself. Cheerio'

Tess, that has to be one of the best excuses (not).

Bad boy syndrome, yes, this is what I have, sat her with mr nice messaging me and me wishing he would back of, meanwhile Mr money ( thinks he can buy himself a wife ) is messaging me offering to take me to Thailand , he's probably a total twat but I am still messaging him and playing along.

My nice didn't get the hint from my message and now seems to think that because I don't want a relationship maybe casual sex would be fun

Oh Mr Nice has turned...now Mr Not so Nice. He is the one wanting crumbs now. You might have to be more firm.

Tess...to be fair and honest, that line about being played like a guitar comes from a Tori Amos song but it fits so well.

I like bants suggestion too.

remember I've been following your story and stopped myself before but it does look like this person is sucking up energy out of you and giving very little back...

coming around sunday eve after ghosting... I am old an cynical to think they prioritised someone else and had either a good week end but it was just one off or things didn't work out, either way are now free to get back in touch,

Boxing...right now I would be in agreement, but at other times he is totally amazing. I probably just need to have it out with him. I am feeling like I need distraction from real life at the moment and he is providing it. I guess that is what I am getting. Not ideal though and I am aware.

I agree that sunday contact after ghosting smacks of a bad date on the saturday.

Wondering how tinkerbell is getting on with her date!

Hi everyone. I decided to dip my toe into POF again after a year of trying to figure out how to avoid arseholes and not dating at all.

I was talking to a guy last week and had a short phone conversation. He asked if we could meet up. And then 'if you're not interested just tell me' this was after only 30 minutes of waiting for a reply. I have 3 daughters and I can't always reply. I eventually said yes we can get a coffee next week if you like. Then over last weekend I uninstalled what's app because of a friend who keeps ringing me on there at random times.

The next time I went on POF I saw he had blocked me. Then today he suddenly messages me again 'thanks a lot for blocking me on whatsapp' I said I didn't block you I just removed the app - you could have texted me or messaged me on here. He then said 'ok shall we meet up then?' I said no thanks, you sound paranoid. Which he then got annoyed about.

He's not the only one, I had someone else badgering me too. 'Why won't you respond immediately to my messages? I can see you are online on pof'

Ffs I want someone laid back. Why do they get invested so early on??

one word...entitlement. They are used to women dropping everything at their beck and call and if you don't, there's something wrong with you.

Interestingly, if a man fails to respond to a a womans message, we wonder what we did wrong. If we fail to respond to theirs, they wonder what we did wrong too. Either way we feel like we are in the wrong.

You are not in the wrong.

Thank you - I'm glad it's not me. As you say, men like this seem to feel they are entitled to ignore you when it suits them, yet if you have a good reason for not being able to respond quickly, how dare you.

I have, in the past overlooked bad signs like this and I intend never to do that again. I have AS so it's not easy for me anyway and I'm quite naive. So many men seem to feel though that if you have exchanged a few messages on POF then they are entitled to a relationship with you or you have no right to take your time replying.

Hi everyone, I'm enjoying reading this thread and learning lots about OLD. Some men just don't seem to get it, do they?
I've been chatting with a couple of guys on POF. One asked if I was free yesterday but I said I was busy with my daughter. He was cool with that and today asked about next Sunday. He wants us to meet up in the afternoon to have a wander around the local market and a coffee. Which sounds like a good idea - no pressure to dress up etc. Haven't agreed yet. I'm enjoying chatting with him but I'm not expecting any spark.
Meanwhile I have swapped numbers with another guy. He's my bad boy! We've exchanged loads of texts - he even texted me first thing this morning to wish me a good day. I don't expect we'll ever meet but I'm enjoying the flirting.

Why is he a bad boy RunnyMummy? Does his profile suggest it?

I honestly can't believe what some people write in their profiles! One of them said something like 'in 2009 I was put on the sex offenders register'.

Who in their right mind would do this? Who would not be put off by this?? I've also read things like 'I've got herpes'. This is the sort of stuff you surely don't say on a profile. If you're going to meet someone then yes, say it then surely?

Maybe it's a condition of the register that they have to state it on dating profiles?

Sounds like a weird thing to say. Or it could be a profile set up by someone else, or hacked or something.

Hi all
Hope all is well. Glad to hear things are still going well with Mr31 and Mr13 ...
No updates from me. May see the Bumble guy this week. Talking to someone else off there aswell ... he's on holiday but messages every day? Good sign I guess. Will update as/when I have a date lined up

Would love to see those profiles. I have seen ones that say they are just looking for sex...which to my mind almost guarantees they won't find it.

I spoke to my therapist about my iron today. She suggests he is avoidant. Push/pull. I agree - as soon as we become close or intimate he pulls back the next day.

She pointed out that this is a protection mechanism for him, but it doesn't mean he is in any way abusive. it is just a question of finding a middle ground that doesn't freak him out too much. If I know why it makes me feel better about the behaviour.

My concern was that he was doing it on purpose, being deliberately confusing. She really doesn't think so. It is simply that he has a fear of attachment, yet he craves it. Those two things lead him in two directions at different times. I think I have seen lots of examples of this on here as well.

I just have to decide if I can do the work required to get him to feel at ease. is it worth the effort?

Remember, one of my dates said to me 'starting a relationship should not be hard work', I have always remembered that ( he was a rubbish date but his advise was good ). I think if you have to 'try and works someone out' or you have to put in too much effort then it's probably not meant to be.

Remember - did he not say that he wanted to be (just) friends ?

Evening all.

Well, I have a first date tomorrow night.

She's interesting, clever and attractive. And seems to find me funny, which is a good start.

Not too tall, either, which is also good.

To be honest, when my phone pings and the whatsapp thing pops up, part of me wants it to be my ex - we whatsapped each other all day every day.

But I also came to the conclusion that she's probably too unstable, anxious and angry to ever have a relationship with. She'd make a great FWB except she lives three hours away and I couldn't stay just friends.

So, I can sit home and brood, or get out there and meet new people.

New people it is. Go me.

Good luck bant it's a real shame about your ex, sounds like you both had a lot of very real feelings for each other, and I remember you broke up but got back together again so clearly there was a very real draw there.
But if she's actually that's emotional coupled with the large distance probably too much to get around sadly, I hope your date tomorrow is a success! And don't forget to loo update!

One of the men I mentioned in my previous post has sent me a message saying he's taking me to court for not replying to his messages. Wtf? He got really nasty. I have never met him - exchanged a few messages. Who do these people think they are?

Wtf?

Taking you to court?

Who was the man? What did he say?

He sounds like a loon!!!

Good luck Banter.

OH lottie he sounds nuts, lucky escape by the sounds of it.

I've cancelled my POF account today, I kept getting messages from the weirdo who stood me up. There seems to be a very small pool of single men in this part of the world. I am still on tinder and chatting to a couple of guys, but I can't see anything coming of it. I think I've spent too long single, I enjoy my own company and think I'm too selfish to let anyone else in.

Boxing - yes he did. But doesn't exactly act like it. Thats why it is so confusing. Just trying to sort out whats going on. Trouble is that I find him really interesting and fun.

Lottie - can you report him tot he dating site and have him blocked? There's no way he could find you is there?

It is obvious that you are very much into him remember. I just don't want to see you upset if he cuts you off suddenly

Go Bant. Pls be kind to this poor woman who little does she know you are still very much into your ex. If she doesn't live up to your expectations, remember, it will not be her fault

My week of NC is up. It has not been hard at all, felt better actually. I also left some stuff there but just reading the madness thread of another poster, I think I can live with what I lost. It will always sounds as an excuse to pick it up. Oh well....