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Original poster

Dating thread 111- just waiting...

999 replies

Evilwater · 06/12/2016 20:07

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good.
OP posts:
BernieBear · 04/01/2017 11:15

That does sound confusing - but it was only date 1, I'll cross my fingers for date 2 for you Grin

RunnnyMummy · 04/01/2017 11:46

Remember - sounds like a good first date. Hopefully he'll ask for a second date and just doesn't want to rush things. This dating stuff is so confusing!

Bant · 04/01/2017 12:20

Runnny - it sounds fairly clear that he's after a shag, that's pretty much all.

Friends with benefits is likely the best you could hope for, but given that he's been fairly blatant about sex on a first date, it would more likely be a one night stand thing.

Go for that, if that's what you want, but remember the rule - he's telling you he doesn't want a relationship. You're not going to make him want one.

You're perfectly entitled to say that regular fun meets is a great idea in theory, but you'd rather meet someone first before making any promises, and seeing if there's chemistry. Then you could do the bowling for sex thing later.

If he gets pissy, dump him.

RunnnyMummy · 04/01/2017 12:51

Thanks Bant. I've told him no one night stand and no sex on the first or even second date & he says he's ok with that. But I think you're absolutely right that he's just after a shag. So I'm backing off to see what he does.

Lovemusic33 · 04/01/2017 13:00

I would back off too. Last time I did online dating I quite enjoyed the 'meeting up for sex with no complications', I had just come out of a long almost sexless marriage so it was fun, this time it's not what I'm looking for and I have tried to make that clear in my profile. I have had less men contact me, a few that just want sex ( I ignore ) but have found one or 2 that are looking for friendship/relationship and they haven't mentioned sex.
One man I have been talking too started off being nice but has now got quite pushy and keep messaging me asking when can we meet and hinting at sex, I have backed right off.

I'm meeting Mr nice ( seems a bit too nice but we shall see) on Friday for coffee. Then I'm meeting Mr spiritual on Sunday for a walk at a local landmark. Both seem to understand I'm looking for friendship and see how things go.

RunnnyMummy · 04/01/2017 13:37

Mr nice and Mr spiritual sound lovely. I also had a long sexless marriage so the idea of a bit of fun with no ties is appealing. I'm just not sure I could do it.
I'm thinking if this guy is willing to take me for bowling and drinks then I might just go anyway. Just to see how I well I can handle a first date.

Lovemusic33 · 04/01/2017 13:46

No ties sex is good as long as you both know that and as long as you don't fall for them, it's not easy, I found it hard. I got so many messages the first time I joined POF, met up with quite a few of them, most just wanted a bit of fun, I found it hard as a lot of them will get you interested by messaging you for ages and getting into your head. This time I'm not going to get my hopes up, just go with the flow, keep my options open ( keep talking to others until you have comited to one person ). Mr nice seems ok but when I first saw his profile I thought he sounded like a grumpy git, I actually messaged him telling me I thought his profile was crap, he decided he quite liked my honesty and we started chatting, at no point has he mentioned sex and we are meeting up at place no way near our houses so there will be no sex on first date ( no pressure ). In the past I have been stupid and been to people's houses on first date, I won't be doing that this time. Will be holding out until 3 or 4th date.

lastnicknamefree · 04/01/2017 13:57

So date 5 for me tonight with mr13 been going really well. But today I noticed he was on POF, or so it said, it came up with "online today" and before you wonder why I was on there myself yes I hold my hands up I was totally checking if he'd been on it!! Blush
Im surprised if I'm honest, we've been pretty full on since meeting 3 weeks ago, 2 dates a week, messages and phone calls every day. He said he wasn't chatting to anyone else, I asked after the last date because mooseburgers were imminent. Soooo do I leave it and just assume this is the way things are with OLD or ask him? And how the feck do I do that without sounding like a stalker or bunny boiler!! I hate this side...

Lovemusic33 · 04/01/2017 14:06

Last, that's one of the reasons I hate OLD. I think until you have had the discussion about 'closing down your OLD accounts' then chances are he's still going to be checking as are you, after all we all like that feeling when someone messages or views our profile even if we don't reply. Maybe something to bring up on your next date? I hate the fact you can see when people have been online, same with whatsapp, it turns us into paranoid stalkers.

BernieBear · 04/01/2017 14:56

Ask him. I have date 3 looming and whilst I (vaguely) remember having a conversation about this on date 2, I will be checking when I see him next if he is still online/chatting/dating others. I'm on Tinder and I don't think you can see when/if someone is online.

If I'm wrong and you can see if someone has been online on tinder, could someone let me know as I would quite like to utilise my stalker tendancies Grin

lastnicknamefree · 04/01/2017 15:15

I did ask him previously, if he was taking to anyone else, he was adamant that no he wasn't and would suspend his account.
I do actually believe him, he's very open and made it really clear he is into me and his actions match his words. I guess that's why I was surprised because he doesn't come off as flakey or insincere and has made me feel nothing but special and attractive etc since we met
I think I'll leave it tonight as it's our last date before he goes on a snowboarding holiday tomorrow, and he's already asked to see me the night he gets back

pringlecat · 04/01/2017 15:38

Lastnicknamefree Just because he says he'll close it down doesn't mean he will. Be careful not to invest until he does!

I agree with Bant's assessment of the Tinder fella, definitely up for a shag. RunnnyMummy, trust your gut. The first first date is hard enough!

Lovemusic33 · 04/01/2017 15:46

I agree with Pringle, last, I have just ended a relationship with someone I met on POF, he made me feel very special and wanted, treated me like a princess, we were together a year and then I found he had been meeting up with other women when he told me he was working, I invested way too soon, trusted too soon and got hurt. From now on I will find it hard to trust what any of them say until I have got to know them really well.

RunnnyMummy · 04/01/2017 16:31

Lovemusic33 - that sounds just like my last relationship. And he couldn't see why I thought he was doing anything wrong!

Meanwhile my MrSmooth on Tinder has made it very clear what he wants - in the form of an detailed, explicit message. Fortunately no pics included.
But at least he's honest enough to say he's just after a shag. None of this "I love you/can't live without you" stuff while meeting other women.

rememberthetime · 04/01/2017 16:45

OLD is brutal. Just been given the heave ho by my date from last night. I knew he was struggling but thought he might work through it. I guess the hand holding and kissing last night didn't do it for him.

Added to that - he sent me a message on whatapp to say the above and then I think he blocked me before I could reply. (only getting one tick).

hmmm

lastnicknamefree · 04/01/2017 17:10

remember that's rough! He's definitely giving you mixed signals them and I think you are better off and deserve more

I will be more careful not to over invest in mr13 then before I've actually seen him close or suspend his account!

NoBloodyMore · 04/01/2017 17:16

Hello, I keep joining you all and losing the thread so I can't keep up, I'm going to make more effort now!

I have lots and lots of irons but am learning lots very quickly, mainly what you have in your rules! I've had about 3 be all interested, on whatsapp arranging dates etc then just disappear off whatsapp and pof so assuming not single.

I'm on POF and Tinder, seem to get more results on tinder and a few seem really nice.

Wingletang1 · 04/01/2017 20:03

So it's all off with mr mountain bike I'm gutted, 6 weeks of chatting and 6 weeks of dating. We've ended on friendly terms .... He couldn't stop overthinking the distance ... 1 hour away ... I don't know if it would have worked or not but we got on so well and fancied each other ... Every box ticked apart from distance ... I'd really fallen for him and him me. Will be strange not chatting anymore, we did a lot!
Feel I should jump straight back in to swiping to help get over him but not sure my heart would be in it 😭

BaklavaBalaclava · 04/01/2017 20:27

I'm sorry Wingletang and remember.

OLD can be really hard work sometimes. They are both poo bums... (mature vibe tonight)

Lovemusic33 · 04/01/2017 21:09

Sorry it ended Wing, give it a week and then get back out there. I have set myself loads of rules this time and am trying to stick too them, distance is one of them so I am looking for someone close by ( which is hard when I live in the middle of nowhere ), I think I may be being a bit picky but I'm trying to think of things that could cause problems later on.

Wingletang1 · 04/01/2017 21:22

Yes I'm going to give it a week or so. We were going to have mooseburgers for the first time.... he didn't want that to happen when he was worried we wouldn't work ... So he was trying to do the right thing ... I'm not sure he's convinced he's done the right thing ... I guess time will tell.

Bant · 04/01/2017 21:35

I shall raise a Wine to all those with poo bums :)

Bant · 04/01/2017 21:36

So, is it time to stop calling it mooseburgers yet? Seeing as no one knows why, and it's confusing?

BaklavaBalaclava · 04/01/2017 21:45

I don't know why it's called mooseburgers, but I like it!

I think we'd end up using a different codeword, even if we stopped that one...

RosettaPebble · 04/01/2017 23:37

It goes back a fair few threads Bant I wish I could remember which poster it was but they posted an anecdote about how men like to prepare for a hunting trip, get their gear together, look for the best hunting grounds, track their prey and eventually find and take their moose, then they have to skin and prep before filleting into steaks, build a fire etc. The analogy was if we just turn up on the doorstep with ready to eat "moose burgers" we deny them the whole process of the chase and all that goes with it. That's how I remember it anyway Grin

Moose burgers then evolved into a more generic term for dtd.