Dating thread 111- just waiting...

[Evilwater]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good.

Oh Up, that's rather lovely! I've told Mr 31 that sometimes I lie in bed, smiling in the dark, because I'm so happy he's there...........he didn't look terrified

Oh MrsFluff. I'm glad you've replied. I'm mad about him. He's something else. But I'm scared because there's 14 years. 14 years. I told him that I saw this coming down the line and that's why I broke up with him in the summer. I have 2 children, and I'm not having any more.

Up, although it's early days either Mr 31, I have the same concern. There are nearly 9 years between us and I have a 16 year old daughter, but he has none. We've already had a chat about it snd he asked if I'd thought of having any more, my response was a very speedy no. Thing is, he has time on his side, so he doesn't need to worry about it yet. I worry that if we stay together, that it will be an issue. I too am absolutely crazy about hi and cant believe my luck, he's fun and sexy as hell and yet seems to think he's lucky to have met me. Do we just enjoy it and not look to far into the future?!? I think I'd rather a year or two with him, then to make a decision for us both now.

UpYerGansey, sorry for butting in Reading your last post has comforted me as I split up with the man I'd been seeing shortly before Christmas. He'd gone from no strings attached to I cannot get you out of my head within a month and I freaked out because I too was falling for him (we've known each other as friends since August) but it was getting so intense and I was afraid I couldn't keep up the pace as a single mother. But those feelings don't just go away and we have sent a few texts. In short it comforts me to see that you got back with your man. We've got a strong connection between us. I'm prepared to be philosophical about what will be will be.

May I ask how you two got back together?

I contacted him thisis. After ten weeks of hell and doing everything I could do get him out of my head. I did MeetUp things, dated new men. Got early nights. Yoga. But I knew he was special.
mrsfluff my guy says he doesn't want children. But he's 33.
I'm 46.
God I don't know. Not really an OLD issue more for Dating Younger Men. Maybe I should start a thread.

Ah, my guy said he would quite like children, but when I said I didn't want more, he said he wasn't really worried either way. Financially he's not in a position to really afford kids for a few years, so I can go with the flow for now, or worry about it. I'm hoping you go with the flow and maybe broach it again in a few months.

I've lurked for a bit admittedly but 2017 has proven a bit of a 'moment' and I need to be able to vent to like minded people about my situation. Elements of which can be found across most of the posts here. Can I therefore join?

• Late thirties
• divorce just through after 12 years marriage - I left a not awful but mismatched and dis-satisfying marriage
• lovely, well adapted son

• plenty of stability in work and finance

- extremely fit and in good shape after years of being overweight - loads of hobbies that put me in close contact with men - live outside of UK so OLD is a different kettle of fish and not really designed for sustainable fun, more fling type stuff (which is not what I need) I have tried on and off to rebuild my life in the dating/relationship area. My marriage was cold and lacked intimacy for many years so I guess I do crave that. I am however also just a bit lonely on some evenings and would fancy sharing bits of my life with someone a bit more than a friend. I just can't however seem to make this happen. I am a self controlled non stalky, non over-reactive messager, I don't beg for people to be in my life, my social media shows me constantly busy and having adventures (and that's the truth) but there is for sure something i am doing wrong. Would so love to be able to share some of this and get brutally honest advice etc. Relevant info is that the first encounter I had post marriage was a total disaster and left me broken into a million pieces, it utterly destroyed my sense of worth and made me feel terribly unattractive, and I never got any feedback from the individual as to what was wrong..i think this has paralysed me somehow from making the first move, from being a bit more of a pursuant, so I wait, and I wait, and then I give up. And get a bit sad and mopey. Which I don't want! Happy new year and look fwds to being part of the conversation if you'll have me.

Hello everyone, I've just found this thread and haven't had time to read the full thread yet but wondered if there was room for a newbie?

I'm 45 and have 2 DC, DS is 20 and at uni and DD is 4. I met DD's dad on match.com in 2006 and we were together for 9 years before we split up amicably just over a year ago. He moved on very quickly and has actually been living with his new partner for about 9 months but it's taken me a while longer to come around to the idea of another relationship. I'm ready to dip my toe back in the water now so I'm back on match again. I've chatted to a few men, been propositioned by some much younger men and met up with a couple of nice men but not met the right one yet. Currently chatting to a 39 yo single dad and we have arranged to meet next Wednesday which is the first day both of us are child free on the same day.

I have mixed feelings about the whole dating thing at the moment, its kind of exciting but it's weird trying to figure out what I find attractive after nearly a decade with somebody and the thought of revealing my overweight, aging body to a new man terrifies me! At least with my ex some of the damage was done carrying his beautiful daughter so he understood. I wish I could just skip the dating bit and the first year or two together and have the comfortable familiarity of an established relationship

why would you want to skip the "fun" part and go straight to the smelly socks madame

Welcome madame - everyone here is really kind and so helpful.

I agree - dip your toes, try it out and see how it goes.

I have my date tonight!!!!! i am terrified. Don't know why.

he has been in touch today and been so lovely telling how much he is looking forward to it and what a good time we will have. With a little cheekiness thrown in.

I feel like i know him so well as we have been chatting for weeks - but still so scared to actually meet him.

We are going to the cinema with a drink first. What are my last minute do's and don't's? We have kind of accepted we may not be suitable as a relationship match, but we do fancy each other. Is hand holding acceptable on a first date. A drink to calm the nerves is definite...

I think he thinks he might give the wrong impression if he is tactile with me - but i have no expectations beyond having a good time.

Aargh...I feel too old for all this.

boxinghelena well maybe I don't want to skip quite that far ahead

rememberthetime good luck for tonight. I think holding hands is perfectly acceptable on a first date. In my younger days I have been known to go a hell of a lot further than that but I am too scared going to make a conscious effort to take things more slowly this time around

Remember, hold hands and snog his face off!?!

Oh I think the guy who stood me up might be a bit of a problem. So, it was him who stood me up twice, last time an hour before the date. I sent an SMS on new year's day just to say happy new year and I've left it at that. He hasn't contacted me since saying HNY too.

Tonight I was on POF because I had messages, I hadn't been on 30 seconds when up pops a message from this guy, which said so happy to see you on here, it's so respectful to me. I had to check with a better French speaker than me if I was reading it right and he was being sarky. then he bombarded me with questions, what about this coffee? It was you who suggested Saturday at 3. That was on POF and now he's doing the same on my phone, he's really ranting at me. I've never even met him. So obviously I've blocked and moved on. This was my first experience with OLD and first experience with dating in 25 years, think I'll crawl back into my cave.

What's French for 'oh get over yourself you rancid little turd?'

That was for him, obviously

Thank you for the links to meetup, I have joined a few local groups to make new friends.

I am tempted to come off of POF as I'm just not strong enough for all the messages from weird people on there. I am meeting up with a guy on Friday that I have chatted too, he knows my situation and he seems to be looking for the same thing ( friendship with the possibility of a relationship ) and I am meeting the one that's younger than me, again it's more a friendship things and we are going to do one of the hobbies that we share.
I have had quite a few messages but am not replying so will probably come off until I am stronger.

Well just got home. ....holding hands throughout the fIlm and kisses in the car after. Can't ask for better than that. However he was the one to insist I went inside. ....I think he is struggling with what he wants. But bloody brilliant first meeting. Just have no idea what comes next.

How exciting remember, sounds like if went really well

I'm really happy for you remember!
Just take it day-by day and date-by-date says she who has popped a roof up over the OI bench

Brilliant news remember - enjoy! Keep us up to date on how things go! Any talk of a second date?

Welcome Mumandsome and Madame

Well put Bant

Just found this thread and I think I need all your help. I haven't dated since er..... can't remember. I was married 23 yrs then jumped straight into a 2 yr relationship with my best friend. That ended (not so well) last summer.
So on the advice of a friend I've just started to try Tinder. Exchanged a few messages with a guy who seems really nice but he's just asked what I'm looking for and followed with "he likes cinema/ten pin bowling, drinks, sex". I told him i wasn't looking for a one-night stand but he's come back with "I was thinking of regular fun meets".
Is this code for something?? I have no clue here. I need help.

Runny - it sounds like he is wanting regular sex but no relationship. it might be good for you if you think you can avoid becoming attached. It sounds a bit like a string of one night stands with no commitment.

if you are looking for a relationship then it sounds like one to avoid.

Tinder might not be the best place if you want something long term.

Welcome Runnny - for the record I like tinder, but if I got that message I would assume he is after a FWB situation (friends with benefits) - I could be wrong. He also brought up sex early on, so again I would think this is about sex for him. However, he could also mean he wants a friend to meet up with an play ten pin bowling?!! I'm sure the others on here can help further. Everyone is very helpful and friendly.

Thanks. I think he's after friends with benefits which is ok with me at the moment. But he has just messaged "how about bowling and the winner gets to take the other one home?" Which makes it pretty clear what he's about. As this would be my first date in a million years then sex on the first date is a definite no for me.

No - no talk of a second date. Although I did say last night (mid snog...) that this seemed to be going well and that i would like to do it again. He agreed.

But he is confusing sometimes. he was the one who was taking the lead last night in a physical sense. But he keeps saying he doesn't think we should have a relationship. Yet he also messages me several times a day and is so kind and loving and sexy with me.

I feel a little like I am waiting for him to sort out what he wants. The question he has is whether he could live with the thing between us that is causing issues. (it is something I have done/do that reminds him of his ex and was non-negotiable for him).

In the meantime we are having a lovely time. He needs to decide really. But at this point I would be happy to see how it goes.