Dating thread 111- just waiting...

[Evilwater]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good.

Great talking to you. Sorry, I didn't get back to you earlier but was busy with the kids. I know what it is like as having intimacy again , it feels so great. After been married for 20 years never thought I would feel like that.
I am sure it was easier in the old days to loose contact with an ex as there was no messaging involved.
I am practically sitting on my hands tonight so I don't message mine , He is at his daughters 18th.
I think you will have to be very strong if you don't want anything else to happen with your Mr M. I don't think I can and have decided I will probably see him again and hope I survive. I find it very difficult to trust anyone again after my bad marriage. Not easy for anyone in our situation as have loads of baggage,
I wish you a happy new year.
I have invited some neighbours round tomorrow night to take my mind off things.

Claw imagine if you'd had a night together and he'd held you after like he cared and made promises then dumped you. This is bad, but that would have been worse. The universe has stepped in to save you. I wouldn't answer as you'll have then left with the upper hand

sorry , to hear he cancelled. .
it could be work but I would probably want to know so would message him. At least you will know.
I feel for you. It is so hard dating .
I tried another first date to get over my Mr no Commitment. Sadly. I didn't fancy him one bit and now even like Mr NC more.
It is very hard to trust someone after been in a bad marriage, I do feel for you.

I haven't been on for a while and need to read through and catch up properly

I had another date this week. Who was nice and sweet but I just didn't fancy and I kept thinking please don't try and kiss me. I've been on so many dates now and I rarely want a second date. I'm starting to think I'm really shallow or what if I'm a player?

Mr nice and sweet wants to go out again but I don't. I feel so mean. I know sometimes attraction grows and I'm worried I'm expecting too much

You're only a player if youre doing it in order to get something out of it other than a potential relationship, mother

Do you go Dutch?

Yes I always go Dutch. Although this date we only had one drink we he bought but I did offer. And the date before I bought two drinks and he bought one (not that I'm counting! Just def not meeting men to buy me things!)

I do want a relationship that is what I'm looking for. Well not to jump straight in but date with the view of entering into a relationship.

In that case you're not a player

I had a few experiences of women going on a date with me and fairly blatantly just expecting free drinks and a meal with no interest in really meeting anyone.

It's tricky though, wanting to meet new people, broaden your horizons and give people the chance to grow on you, but also knowing that some people just won't do it for you.

There's a difference between 'not sure if I want to kiss them' and 'please god don't try and kiss me'

Maybe just be more selective who you chat to. Always trust the worst photo. Skype before you meet?

That way you reduce the number of depressing first dates

conway it is really hard isn't it. I was ok being single until Mr NC appeared in my life. But I'm trying to focus on the fact that what I'm sad about is not actually him; it's the needs in me that I've buried and that aren't being met. But its very difficult when there doesn't seem to be other options in the near horizon for those needs to be met. I've been doing OLD since July when he revealed he just wanted FWB. I must have been on a dozen first dates and rather than be a distraction, I just found myself comparing them to Mr NC too! One however was gorgeous and I would have liked it to go further but sods law, he didn't. I guess we just have to keep going and have hope. Glad you have something lined up for tomorrow. Its easy to waver on days like that. I'm taking the kids round to a friend's house for the evening so it should be fun and distracting. And I've eaten loads of chocolate and sent messages to some new irons on OLD. Still feeling a bit down but I know deep down I would have felt worse if I had seem him.

mrsfluff your message about what changes you've been through in 2016 is really insightful. I hadn't stopped to reflect. I was just thinking that dating was too hard and unsuccessful. But actually this time last year, I hadn't started dating. I was too scared; didn't think i would have anything to say; didn't think anyone would be interested etc. OK the dating has been a mixed bag, but I've done it and lived to tell the tale, grown in confidence and its made me realise I do want a relationship. So fingers crossed for 2017- for us all.

mother it doesn't make you a player, it just means you're discerning. I've had a similar OLD experience to you with lots of first dates and no sparks.

lilac wise ( and kind!) words, thank you. I've decided not to reply. I think silence is stronger in this instance.

motheroreily I've had loads of first dates. That spark is elusive... In my case, I've only gone Dutch once because none of the other men have let me pay anything. Which I found puzzling when they didn't want to see me again. If you know there's definitely nothing there, why not just split the bill?

Damn, just spotted a boy I used to work with on POF. He actually meets my criteria on paper, but having managed him and having heard first hand of his dating exploits, I just can't think of him in anything other than a kindly and vaguely maternal way.

Claw, it sounds like you've come a long way too, in this last year. I'm so glad you see how much more confident you've become. My ex hates that I'm happy and dating, I think he was hoping that I'd sit tearfully awaiting his return!!

Happy new year everyone!
It's the time when all those old irons crawl out of the woodwork like they do/did Christmas because they suddenly feel lonely and think they can throw a token whatsapp message your way and no further effort. I've been stupid enough to respond previously too
I woke up this morning to 2 messages sent at 1am, but I was able to ignore them, delete and not respond because I'm very happy with my mr13 so far who seems lovely. Date 4 tomorrow and several others planned! I'm still pretty cautious and just enjoying it for what it is, but can't say I don't have one cheek on the over investors bench!

lol last - I had to be very strong last night not to message my ghoster... am still thinking of it....

I have become an old iron!

I think you can safely invest by date 4. Even if it is just a little.

My party was ok. I spoke only to women and messaged Mr good cook throughout. He was funny charming encouraging and a little sexy. I just thought I don't want to be at this party....

Heard from him this morning and we have planned a chatting session for this evening.

We also have our first proper meeting face to face on Tuesday. I am terrified. The last time we arranged a date he cancelled. I still fear that he won't like me when he meets me. It might ruin everything....

I'm enjoying catching up with you all. Well done Claw for not replying, it is a stronger and dignified response. Good luck for date 4 last, that all sounds very very promising!

Its lovely to read your reflections on the last year and how far things have come for you in a year, without you even realising it.

I had my second date last night with Mr Adventurer and it was very good. It all seemed very relaxed and the evening went far too quickly, a lovely amount of kissing at the end AND a third date is on the cards too. I am starting to struggle with OI but, for the first time in a very long time, I am actually looking forward to the new year and am feeling somewhat hopeful (now if I could just rid myself of the feelings of impending doom which seems to accompany OLD, I would be extra hopeful!)
Happy New Year everyone, I wish us all the luck in the dating world

Getting ready for my first date in 25 years this afternoon. Surprisingly I don't feel as nervous as I expected and we've been texting and he seems quite nice. I just hope he's not a massive twat, I've done my time with the XH I'd just like to meet someone who treated me nicely.

Good luck brittany - let us know how it goes. What ever happens, whether good, bad or indifferent, what a way to finish off 2016!

FFS he's just stood me up again, literally as I was getting into the car to do the 40 minute drive. Apparently this time his nephew has shown up. I reckon I'm going to give up now.

Out of the blue it appears I have an iron!! She lives about an hour away apparently distance isn't a problem. She doesn't mind driving...😃
I've been aware of not OI but she is funny, intelligent and attractive! We've messaged quite a bit over the last few days and had a chat today..
Unfortunately due to work/kids we may not be able to meet up for a couple of weeks....
I usually prefer to meet up sooner rather later so will have to learn a bit of patience!

Brittany what a shame for you. Do you think he is being truthful? Do you think he is worth waiting for?

Genuineguy that's exciting. Some times building up a friendship online can be good. I am meeting my iron for the first time next week after chatting for 2 weeks.

I feel like I know him already!

Brittany that's not on, especially if he's done it before...time to ditch!

nah, two cancellations in a row - I'd ditch someone if they did that. One time is forgivable, but twice is a personality defect

Clawdeen. Hope you have a nice evening at your friends house.
I am falling apart. Watched Love Actually last night and ended up not sleeping the whole night as ended up wishing for romance and love in the film.
Also contacted Mr NO C again. We have arranged a date for sat 7 as the next time my ex has the boys.
I know I shouldn't but can't get him off my mind. Have deleted Tinder as can't cope with any more first dates.
I have decided that if things don't work out I will join an old fashioned dating agency. There is a local one that has evening events and walks.
Mentally I am not coping well but I think I need to face my fears and not run at the first sign of trouble. I have only been seeing him for a few weeks so I think I need to give it a bit longer.

I'm not bothering with him anymore, he's messaged since but I haven't replied. I've had loads of messages on POF that I haven't replied to properly so I'll move on. I get the impression that there are not that many single ladies in my region.

This guy has been strange, pushing to meet then cancelling.

I wish everyone a happy new year, I hope 2017 brings love, friendship and companionship to those of us who are searching.