Dating thread 111- just waiting...

[Evilwater]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good.

Right and Conway if you're happy with fwb then it sounds as though that will naturally follow.

Is that what you really want?

Oh conway I didn't listen to my own bloody advice! Was much saner with mr no commitment out of my life. I was sad and lonely tbh but that crushing anxiety and physical tightness had gone. Christmas Day came and after a few , I messaged him. He replied normally and I felt pleased to have made contact and reassured myself that's all it was, we could just be friends ( he lives 2 minutes walk away and our kids are the same ages so we go bump into each other a lot). Of course, he ramped up the messaging, was caring, interested about me etc and then asked me round to his. I said no- but really that was because I had a bad cold. Since then I've had a real tightness in my chest- I thought my cold was turning into a chest infection, but no, it's him being back in my life. I think my body is warning me off. The messaging got somewhat steamy last night and I've agreed to go round to his tonight ( as I'm so bloody horny - sorry for tmi!). But my insomnia came back last night and I feel really jittery. I should listen to my head/heart/body but my groin has overruled them all. It can only end badly; he's not changed. I'm telling myself it will be a one off and when school starts back and I can get busy in my normal routine etc, I can be strong again. It's ridiculous - I've been reminding myself of how badly he treated me and how desperately hurt I was but somehow the promise of a night of hot sex seems to have given the past a rose tinted glow. I clearly need new irons to have hot sex with!

Oh Clawdeen ... protect your heart ...

And your groin

Bant

Haha bant, that did make me smile. I think my groin needs a stern talking to!

Thanks looby. I keep trying to convince myself that I can just have sex and it'll be ok but I very much doubt it. My heart is on my sleeve. I haven't even dared tell my friends as they would no doubt try and kidnap me on my way to his flat. It's ridiculous; I'm acting like a teenager. It's the curse of a peri menopausal libido!

And your groin

That aswell

Could you DTD and then block him on the way home? Get it out of your system one last time?

Clawdeen we say in France that when in love (or lust) we are always fourteen years old.

This man and I would have sex once a fortnight (childfree weekends) and, well, it's coming up to that time again. I need to think of something else now it's over, at least for the time being

Yes, I think blocking him is the way forward. Well at the moment his innate inability to commit to anything is irritating me so much that tonight might not happen anyway. He can't even give me a time!

Decisions 16! This is bloody marvellous. Go with the flow. Time shall tell and please don't analyse everything. Enjoy yourself, esp with the ages of your children, (mine are the same) plus having been through a hard time beforehand. Happy mum means happy children/atmosphere.

An old crusty, yet v glam work colleague gave me two bits of advice: better to be unhappy alone, than with somebody. Also, can you imagine waking up with him? If not, forget it! Brutal yet works for me!

I love the thoughts here; shows I'm not alone nor going mad...

Myself I've had hard few months, esp when ex married a Thai without telling my DDs. Yes. We do pick up the pieces. Let's hope 2017 fruitful for us all.

Oh Claw, he can only hurt you if you let him. I fear that no amount of hot sex is worth the low you'll feel tomorrow. Please look after yourself

As Mrsfluff said, Claw, the hot sex makes you feel alive but the low the next day/week/month can be dreadful when your needs are not being met.

Aww Claw....

So tonight I am off to my first party since the end of my marriage. There will be eligible men...

I did ask my Mr Good Cook to join me but he wasn't keen. But I don't feel like i want to make "eyes" at anyone else while i have him in the background. I will merely treat it as a learning experience.

But it is scary. I don't really know how to behave as a single woman.

Clawdeen - do you think he is properly keen if he won't commit to when he is going to meet you. it isn't a great sign is it? Once every two weeks would feel a bit pointless to me.All i can say is don't hang on his every phone call or invite...get your own irons in the fire too.

Have fun at your party Remember! I know what you mean, but once you relax into it, it's fun not worrying about how other people will view you... I think it's nice, you have Mr Good Cook so you don't need to be totally sharking, but you have made no committment so if someone takes your fancy, you can go for it!

Take care of yourself claw

Tell us about the one that got away Bant

What an arse thisis

Thanks for your lovely messages

Actually he's done me a favour. Over the last couple of months of NC, I'd really forgotten a lot of his bad points and was just remembering the good times. Well a few days of texting, and it's all coming flooding back. I still can't get a time out of him as to when we're meeting tonight and my babysitter wants to know. I really don't want to upset her- she's my lifeline! Also the DC are looking forward to her coming so will be upset if I do have to cancel her. He claims he's very busy at work. It's possible given his job but only yesterday he was saying how quiet it was and was messaging me all day. Also during our steamy texting last night, he told me around 10pm to book a sitter for tonight. Yet his goodnight text an hour later said 'hope to see you tomorrow' which I did think was a bit vague. So who knows whether he's busy, playing games or whatever. But is a tiny reminder of the total
Uncertainty/anxiety/flip flapping I experienced when we were 'together'. So my libido goggles have fallen away dramatically.

Hooray! bin him claw. The uppy-downy is a bit exciting at first, but gets boring very very quickly...

Thanks Mumswallet! That's what I'm thinking but I hope it doesn't backfire! Is sleeping with 2 men not a bit wrong though? (Obviously not at once ) now that would be wrong!!! Has anyone juggled more than one bloke? I'm sure I will make a decision eventually but want to get to know them a bit more first! I like both of them !!

decisions16 Do they know that you're seeing someone else too? It seems to be par for the course these days provided you're not pretending to be exclusive.

I'm going to go against the grain, and say that I'd be a bit upset if I was sleeping with someone and found out they were also sleeping with someone else...

I guess it depends if you're wanting monogamy ultimately...? if you're not, then it's fine.

It's not that you're doing anything wrong, it's just that I'd maybe not carry on seeing someone if I found they were also (or had been) sleeping with me and someone else at the same time...

Apologies for being stuffy and old-fashioned...

I agree with baklava, to be honest. If I was sleeping with someone I'd assume exclusivity, in that they weren't sleeping with someone else, as by that point I'd be exclusive to them. If I found out they were, I'd bin them off. I don't want to have to compete with another man once I'm actually sleeping with someone.

I'd probably have the conversation before though. Some people don't assume exclusivity until they've had the Talk.

Different strokes for different folks though

Well mr no commitment has just cancelled citing work. Didn't come as a big surprise after his sudden vagueness this afternoon. And typically he hasn't suggested an alternative date ( this was one of my bugbears previously). So I am done. The universe has stepped in to save me from my groin! Still feel tense and tight chested but I know that will pass.

I don't know whether to reply to his message or not. I do wonder if he got cold feet and I want to ask him but thinking about it, I guess he could just lie anyway. He's said it's work so if I suggest anything else, he'd probably just turn it on me being dim. I doubt he'd openly admit to playing me. Perhaps silence is the best answer.

I'm with bant and baklava , only because my emotions couldn't handle sleeping with more than one guy

That's probably all to the good, claw I'm sorry though, it's no fun, is it?

Claw, like you said, he's done you a favour by reminding you of what he's really like. Do you feel able to block him and move on?

I can't believe it's NY's Eve tomorrow. This time last year, I had no idea of the year I was about to face. I would never have guessed that my ex would cheat, or that I'd divorce him and buy him out of the house. I also didn't realise how capable I was, or how loved i was by others. Its been a funny old year and looking back, I'm not sure now, that given the chance, I'd change it for my old life. I like me and I'm actually happy and really living. Weird!!