Dating thread 111- just waiting...

[Evilwater]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good.

I'm with Bant, best to just ignore.

Have had a break from OLD and have recently started again. I'm quite selective about who I meet and started talking to a guy who seemed great. We had lots in common, both in a similar line of work etc so we decided to go for a drink the day after Boxing Day.

The meeting went well. Lots to talk about, smiles and laughter, generally felt positive about it and thought there was potential. He texted me to say he really enjoyed meeting and I replied with something similar. Since then, nothing. We were talking daily before so I guess the silence means he's not interested.

The only thing I can think of is that perhaps he thinks he can do better. Sweet shop mentality. He did mention other women he was talking to and kept excusing himself to go to the loo, twice in an hour - maybe to text other people. I often feel that OLD is a bit hopeless. They always seem to disappear.

Conversation I agree that OLD is like a sweet shop, but instead of the old sweet shops where people shopped locally and stock was limited now all sweet shops are available at any time of day. There's even chance to read reviews and see multi-angle shots of the sweets before meeting.

For people who enjoy the 'chase' element I think maybe it can become addictive. For everyone else it feels tiring as people can feel 'disposable'. I think you just found a chaser rather than a dater.

Hey all
Had my date with the Bumble Guy last night
It went well. 2nd date planned for next week. I'm not going to get too invested ... as per the rules. Will report back though when I can.
Hope everyone is ok

So, elite singles - do you have to pay to do anything with it? is it worth it?

sounds good looby - why the red face?

Baklava I think I paid about £200 for 6 months. Then met someone on a free site. Elite Singles didn't really match me with what I was looking for in different major ways. Very little choice for me despite living near a city.

I have temporarily suspended account in case things go wrong with iron, but free sites appear to have more choice.

I don't know tbh Baklava ... blushing out of the sheer embarrassment of going on dates I think

Still, he's still talking to me, good sign? Tbh I now go into dates expecting them to either ghost me straight after, look nothing like their pictures, have nothing to say ... and so on. So this is rare

That's good to know. I'm currently chatting with someone from pof, had a first date for coffee after work, which is nice...

Think I should try to have more than one iron, but it feels wrong! I must sort my head out! Think dropping my other irons led to the previous ghosting issue (needy text of doom)

That's good then looby - congrats!

Last week I had a coffee with someone who announced at the end 'this was very interesting, but there is no romantic possibility'

Whilst I agreed, I was quite shocked by the bluntness!

I'm chatting vaguely to two irons from POF. The one i don't fancy is funny and keen, but lives a fair distance away (an hours drive) and as I said, i don't think I'd fancy her in person. I've learned to trust my gut on that one.

The other one lives 5 miles away, and is much more fanciable. But not so witty, and also not so keen. She said halfway through a chat earlier that she had to go do housework - although she got in touch with me first today on whatsapp.

I suppose she could have housework to do.. But I'm mildly narked that she just stopped the conversation cold like that.

Ah well. nevermind

I'm kind of off dating at the moment anyway. Too much effort and my hearts not in it

I'd say that's actually a good sign Bant - she didn't just wander off - she let you know why she'd not be responding. Plus she actually does cleaning, so she's a better catch than I am...

Why is your heart not in it?

I left a chat the other day to take the dog out for a wee, wish I'd said cleaning it sounds better.

Good grief, cannot blame you brittany. I cannot imagine a first date on NYE - I do not know where you live but in London it would be crazy even to find a place you can actually get in

hello Pringles thanks for the update and great to hear you have been doing interesting stuff.

OLD should not take over your life, that's for sure, and it is not even a substitute for a social life. However you had a bit of bad luck, you learnt a lot, you should have another go, if nothing else so you can participate here. And don't remember the planned meet up !

I now cannot wait for life to go back to normal and stay afresh (still getting a few msg on whatsapp by people i was talking to before I took down my profile but not met yet)

Still in love, baklava.

Bant are you saying you are still in love with someone else? Dating will never work while that is the case. Is it something you can get over?
My iron and I have arranged to meet finally. When I suggested it he immediately agreed. I do think he is a little confused about what he wants. Meeting each other will help us to work it out. Friends....fwb. ...or more maybe.

Oh dear Bant. It is totally understandable that your heart isn't in it. Take care of yourself.

Yeah I know. Bugger, innit?

Good morning all and do hope Christmas was lovely...

After having followed all these threads, it seems the reactions of OLD is basically the same for all of us. (Apologies to Bant being the token male voice )

I'm not really aware of the rules; as for replying with a "thank you but no thank you " to an online message, well, the plethora of abuse which I received was startling!

Can only say throw caution to the wind, with any notion of manners, and follow your instinct! We've all nightmare dating stories to share. Why not a mumsnet book? I esp like the high graded government official who wanted a mistress, or the City boy who claimed "entertainment" on expenses!

No more OLD for me. RL. Slow but sure. Have already met an old friend of a friend. Let's see...

But those with young families, what other alternative is there? It's terrifying...Happy 2017.

Oh don't worry, wallet' no apologies needed.

When I first started doing OLD, I'd reply with a polite 'thanks but no thanks' to the messages I received from women. Usually no one replied to my polite response, but sometimes people said thanks and good luck.

But I stopped when some of them got annoyed -'ha ha, I was only messaging you for a joke' and other lovely things like that.

So I don't bother anymore.

Hi everyone,

Hope you don't mind me joining in. I have a bit of a dilemma and am getting myself in a bit of a fluster about it.

Basically after kissing a lot of frogs, I have stumbled on two men that are both relationship material.

I have been a bit naughty and been seeing both of them casually for the last month or so and the problem is I like both of them! What do I do in this situation?

Basically my back story is divorced with an older child. I am 46 now and child is at Uni so I can pretty much do as I please with my time etc.

Man 1 is 50, divorced with a grown up son. Lives around 20 miles away and works away a lot so he is more of a weekend meet up guy. He has a good job and his qualities are: he is a good listener, he is kind and generous. He is handsome and we have chemistry and the sex so far has been good without being mind blowing. Early days though not too bothered about that. He seems keen on me but is happy to see me once a week currently as he doesn't want to rush things.

Man 2 is 40 and this is unusual for me, I normally date older men. He has no children and has never been married but had two long term relationships, one lasting 12 years. He split with this partner 10 months ago and seems to have moved on. His is very good looking and we have chemistry. Works and lives locally. Seems to be a hard worker. I would however say that he isn't as intellectually stimulating as the other guy but does make me laugh more. we have only slept together once so far and it was good.

That is the tricky bit! I'm now sleeping with 2 men!

I have never done this before. I like both of them, but feel like I need to give one up!

Looking for advice really. Have any of you had this experience? How do you deal with it? None of them have mentioned exclusivity and for all I know they may have other irons in the fire too!

Thoughts?

I'd carry on tbh dilemma ... you're not hurting either so I see no harm. You don't want to end it with one and then regret it a month down the line?

Just wanted to talk to Clawdeen as she has a similar story to mine and was so helpful with the sex no relationship thread.
This time of year is so hard and New Years eve won't help . I haven't seen my Mr no commitment guy for about 4 weeks but haven't been as good as you as have messaged him though only after him contacting me first.
I expect I will see him at some point in the new year as miss the cuddles and the company. Never bothered me when I was single. for 2 half years.
I feel it hard to trust anyone after my bad marriage but I think I will go mad if I don't see him again,
I just hope mumsnet are here to pick up the pieces when it all goes wrong.

Conway, hello . I finally fell for a man after months of keeping him at arm's length because he is one of my friends' exes. We both started off as no strings attached but after a month he realised that this was impossible (he missed me when I wasn't with him - we live an hour away from each other and have children - never imagined he'd feel this way about someone again, etc). My problem was that I felt way too uncomfortable about not telling my friend who clearly was suspecting something and he didn't want her to know. After a few, amazing weeks, things reached a head; a mixture exhaustion on my part and a desire to be true to myself and not be dictated to, I ended things. The next day was his ex's dad's funeral which he had been determined to go to. He didn't go as he was shaken up by my decision to end things.

Last night I finally had THE conversation with my friend/his ex. I divulged no information whatsoever about feelings or physical desire (all of which were out of this world ) but listened to her petty but understandable desire to put him down and lash out at me. The evening ended as well as possible.

Anyway, this man has now reverted to 'I can't commit to anyone' mode in his message to me last night. 'I want you to be joyful and radiant and to hold on to your happiness which shouldn't depend on anyone else'. Bla. I'm not sure how honest he's being with himself but that's the way the land lies.

So now I'm going to be in the same situation as you. I'm pretty sure he's going to be in the same situation as you too . How is he going to handle things when he starts missing the physical and emotional intimacy we shared? But just as importantly, how will I handle it? Part of me feels sad the other feels that at least I've cleaned things up just in time for the new year. I keep reminding myself to trust in life but there was a real, albeit fragile, connection between him and I.