Dating thread 111- just waiting...

[Evilwater]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good.

Since June I've had 6 Internet first dates and 1 date I met on a night out and no second dates. Is this a lot?

I'm worried I'm too particular. 2 of the 7 I wanted to see again but they didn't want to see me. The other 5 I felt no spark and I wonder if I should have given it more of a chance

Thisis him keeping secrets, setting rules and not checking how you feel, I can see can be a problem. It would be for me too. Four year olds often get tired by 7pm so of course he could phone you. Plus why would a four year old mind his dad sending a few messages a day?

I remember advice on here said that if you meet the right person you don't want to stop contact or let them drift away. He can now process what you said and consider his position. If he is open to being honest with your friend (his ex) and keeps in contact without rule-setting would you be interested again?

Good to hear about the new dates going well. I agree attraction can grow if you have something to build it on, a connection of some type!

Hello, I've been lurking on your threads for ages but hadn't plucked up the nerve to go online dating. Been 25 years since I last went on a first date. Anyhow I've done it and have a date for Tuesday night. Am feeling apprehensive and excited.

Have also spent all night chatting to a guy, we were getting on like a house on fire then he just disappeared, very strange.

I'm in France and am finding French men come on a bit strong which I'm uncomfortable with, but chatting to friends they're all like that.

I will need some handholding I think for my date, I can already feel myself backing out, but my resolution for 2017 is get a life. I'm a lp and I have my DCs all the time, but I think now they're old enough to leave for a few hours while I go out.

Lastnickname, thank you for your answer. I hear what you're saying, really, and I agree about compromise, etc. If this relationship is meant to be then, somehow, we'll both find the energy and intelligence to make it work. I am aware that I am far too much of a people pleaser and I don't want to creep back into old ways of fitting in with someone in fear of losing them. I cannot accept lying to my friend and not facing up to the consequences of our decisions just to fit in with him. And YES, I'm running scared but my reasons for stepping back are quite healthy for me.

LilacPink, the problem is that here in France children stay up much later and this little chap has been raised by his mother to go to bed very, very late; past 11pm! She still breastfeeds him too. The thing that irks me about his stand about not calling is that, again, he's doing it out of fear that his son hears and tells his mother. You see? Secrecy again. Of course he would have been sending me sms, though. (And most of them were so, so beautiful.)

Since August this man has been a beautiful, reassuring constant in my life, even in the background. Everyone has flaws. Mine have been made clear and his has too. I'm going to let things settle down in the aftermath of my decision and be right with myself.

shodan how did the date go?!!

motheroreily no I dont think that's excessive. I've added up mine yes I've kept a list and I've had 13 first dates since I started this journey in April. So in 9 months I've seen 13 new men. Some I've seen for 2/3 dates which seems to be my average, one I dated for 2 months. It's been exhausting but fun!

brittany good luck! What sites are you using? I've tried POF, Tinder, Bumble, OKC and guardian soulmates this year!! Get out there in 2017 and we'll look forward to hearing your dating adventures and hand holding. Unfortunately disappearing mid chat is typical! and annoying

this is I hear you and agree lying isn't ever ok. I just thought I'd be devils advocate. But good luck, if he is the one or it's meant to be, he'll come back and try his best to amend things until it's working for both of you. If he walks away and you never hear from him again I suspect it wasn't the right person or time.

My new iron, well the one I had my first date with Wednesday is still lovely! He's sent me lots of sweet messages yesterday, and he's just really nice so far! I'm still very because I've been here before, heard it all before so I'm very guarded and sceptical. And it's been a week! And one date but he's very keen and enthusiastic so it's hard not to get a little swept along.
I'm looking forward to our second date next week. He needs a name! mr13 will do, let's hope it's not unlucky!!

well...disaster. My date has imploded.

I happened to mention something to my date in a message and it threw him. He couldn't see past this issue as it was similar to what happened in his marriage and he cancelled. For me it is a small thing - for him it is huge...

So after several days of incredible over investment, sharing everything about ourselves, getting intimate (in many different ways) he discovered something that is non-negotiable and that's it...over.

No date, no more messaging. Unless he changes his mind.

For me he is perfect and I am gutted that he can't handle this one thing. But it is fundamental to me and not something I can change. I understand that he had to do what is right for him. But of all the things abut me he has discovered, this seemed so insignificant.

I had a little cry and talked to my friend and have decided to refocus on my work for now and think about things again in the new year.

This isn't easy is it?

Oh remember that's really disappointing! I'm sorry it was a deal breaker for him and he's gone away, maybe give him some space and see if he misses you enough to reconsider after the gap is felt from the messaging ending.. resists urge to ask what it was

Hello - sorry I have been quiet but good to catch up on all your dating news.
Things with Mr Tinder still seems nice. We won't see each other now for about ten days because of family Christmas commitments so I am Waiting to see if I miss him....

On a less good note... out of the blue Mr No Commitment, who broke my heart back I. September, sent me a happy Christmas text after over TWO MONTHS no co tact. It has really thrown me. He has firmly planted himself back in my head and I feel really down again having been looking forward to Christmas.

I have not replied. Do you think this is the correct decision ? I do t want to be waiting for a reply and also after the way he treated me I don't want to keep back into his affections

No, don't reply, Crazycat He's a cheeky bastard who can't resist testing the water to see if you'll jump. Don't give him the satisfaction! Stick with Mr Tinder.

I didn't have time for a loo update last night, because the date lasted only one hour. That said, it was the longest hour of my life (apart from the four hours I spent doing the speed awareness course ). He was unbelievably dull. He would answer questions, but not pick up the conversational ball and run with it. Plus, he had on a lot of a really awful aftershave (which, to be fair, some women would love, but I really hated it).

So a definite no go. I'm not upset- I was relieved the experience was over! Although I did waste a very good outfit on the evening...

Oh how disappointing!! But you have the right attitude, and I did chuckle!! We've all ha one of those dates...

Good morning. May I just write a few lines? I follow your threads as it resonates so much indeed and I feel as if I'm intruding on an established group of pals!

Crazycat don't answer. Booty text. Last, I feel for you but it's his loss. Mrs Fluff will be getting a huge present under the tree. Bant gives such sage male advice. All of you...terrific.

This OLD I've tried on and off this year after being divorced for five years. It's like a meat market even on more expensive sites like "Drawing down the moon!" OKC. POF. (Haven't given tindr/bumble a go as over 40 and no longer size 8, long swishy hair etc..)

Despite being in a high profile job, meeting lots of men, I've had over 20 first dates but no luck! Ones who get annoyed if I don't answer their texts within an hour. Others who say they require a head cook and bottle washer not a career woman. (Profile states busy woman!) Been ghosted. Lots. Yet I've left on the pretence of going to the loo and slipping out, leaving them....shabby behaviour but essential as discussed car engines. Even listened to my mother who suggested I be a bit "soft", and not so direct!

I've come to the conclusion. Don't over invest in texts. Meet asap. Speak on the mobile (where else?!) Many a perfect man-On-paper has been spoilt by a horrendous voice. I met a lovely chap a couple of years ago. We're still friends.

It's a hard time of year for LP so this thread is a godsend and hope to us all! There aren't any answers. Colleagues have married from OLD. Depends on what type of relationship one requires.

Answers on a postcard please.

Merry Christmas to you all. Open the fizz....

Mumswallet I definitely agree with the 'meet as soon as possible' philosophy. All of the irons I was chatting to, bar the newly-renamed Mr Dull, seemed content to have lengthy chats online, with one or two happy to continue on WhatsApp. But they all quickly got boring (endless lines about how they liked their steak cooked, for example!) so I had no interest in meeting them. They could have been much better company in RL, I suppose, but I'll never find out.

My friend joined Match and within one week had arranged four dates, dated two of them twice, and is now blissfully happy with one of them. She was very sceptical of the whole process before she started but is now a keen advocate!

When I'm ready to 'do' the whole thing properly, I shall follow that way of thinking.

Just one thing- is Tinder no good for the over 40s then? I would've thought there would be men of our age on there too?

Last - I don't want to say what it is - not because it is something I am ashamed of but because it is his issue and I have no desire to complain about him or get drawn into a conversation about how daft it is. I actually care about him - stupidly...considering the chances are I will have no further contact with him...

Won't get that close again...before actually meeting.

I'm a little over invested in my Bumble date for next week remember. We talk a lot. Aargh. I've been on this thread long enough to know this is not the way forward. Someone shake some sense into me

We talk pretty much all day, as both off now for Xmas ... do I just ignore his messages and leave it a few hours before replying just to slow it down a bit?

I also have a RL person I'm talking to ... so I guess maybe I just keep messaging them both? One can be a back up

I over invested in mrmountainbike because he'd had an operation so couldn't drive and lives an hour away, we messaged for about 5 weeks, lots everyday. Luckily when we met up it was lovely and easy ... But prior to meeting I had really over invested so it could have gone horribly wrong!! He said it helped him that we'd built up a relationship online prior to meeting, as he's shy and felt he would have felt awkward! I'm not sure there's a right or wrong. After 5 weeks messaging and 5 weeks of dating we still message all the time and both seem to be on the same page! 😊😊. I'm 46 and found Tinder and Bumble fine for men my age, seem plenty of genuine men that age, also plenty that are not, but I found them easy to suss out!

Argh POF is down and I haven't got a number for the guy I was talking too apparently it might be down till Jan

have they been hacked?

I don't think so remember

There's theories flying around that they're merging with Match? Can't find too much to support this though.

I hope they don't lose all our stuff cause I actually really liked the guy

POF going down might be the reason my guy went silent on me last night, it was around midnight and it was behaving strangely. Shame because we were really getting on and having a laugh. Damn it he'd promised to buy me a box of chocolates every day, in my book that makes him a keeper.

I tried Tinder but here in deepest darkest Brittany and me being over 40 to find anyone in the same area and the same age was impossible. I tried Match but didn't get far before they demanded money so I gave up on that, and am now on POF and now have my first date. Although I can feel myself getting cold feet already.

Brittany it went down at midnight so that mAkes sense

oh no - don't merge with Match....my ex is on that and I chose pof to avoid him seeing my profile (and me seeing his!).

back to bumble for me I suppose...when I am ready again.

last I met someone on POF who I texted for a few days before we met, and felt a real connection with him. When we met I didn't fancy him at all - he didn't fit any of my appearance criteria - but we had a lovely evening of chatting and laughing. I was sad because mentally we totally clicked, but physically I didn't feel it. Anyway, I decided to see him again, and it went really well, and got better and better. 9 months later we're completely smitten with eachother, and I fancy him loads. I can't believe I might have missed out on a fantastic relationship just because I didn't feel an instant attraction.

I wondered why I couldn't get PoF up!

Wrt a possible merge- I don't know about that, but Mr Dull, amongst other things, runs his own online dating agency and he said that PoF and Match (and at least one other which I can't remember now) are owned by the same company anyway. So I guess it is possible.

POF is back up and running

Crazy, please, please, PLEASE, do yourself a kindness and block his number. Honestly, you need to stop giving him heads pace- he's not worth it. You will never figure him out, he's a game player. You do need to consider why you later yourself be drawn back in. This is all said with kindness xx

Hi Mums, welcome to the thread! Hmm, I'm not expecting a massive present.....he's not in the best place financially at the moment......but a scented candle always goes down a treat with me!