Dating thread 111- just waiting...

[Evilwater]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good.

you go girl ! you will be fab last
what are you wearing ?!?!? ok that's silly

Forme2016, let's drink to that.

Good luck last!

Where's the loo update? I thought that was compulsory!

no loo update, must be good news

Thanks for the advice about just going for it with my iron of one month. Today I was honest with him and said I was still thinking about the problems that I'd had last year. It felt ok to tell him, he was good at listening and didn't rush in with solutions and I feel better for saying it.We then spoke about regular things and it was all ok.

I have to agree that getting regular mooseburgers is a good part of a relationship. So I will wish the love rains down in the form of suitable men or women (whatever you are hoping for ).

Last hoping you're too busy for loo break

Glad you're feeling more positive Lilac, following your chat. I've realised now, how much I was missing mooseburgers and that we'd lost the spark in our marriage. I'm enjoying a regular diet of mooseburgers now...........it's bloody fantastic!!!

Morning! I got home at 2am so belated loo update

So obviously I had a good first date! He was lovely in person, as nice to chat to as on message, we definately clicked personality wise.
Same humour and very easy company. Physically he's not my type, I wouldn't approach him in a bar and if I was just judging him on looks I probably wouldn't fancy him. But actually that's shows a plus to OLD, I had been chatting to him a week and already knew a lot about him and some of his personality, and it was his character I found attractive.
I felt an emotional/mental connection with him that translated into physical and it didn't matter what he looked like, or the fact he was in an outfit I didn't like particularly. I think he's a grower/slow burner and hopefully that might work out better for me than the ones I've had where it's been
boom spark and chemistry, but they were actually not nice guys. We have a second date next Wednesday, a week away because....Christmas!

last I've been awaiting your update!! So pleased to hear it went well - yay for arranging date 2

I'm with you on all the chatting before meeting being a benefit of OLD, that's certainly what I found.

I definately felt like I knew him and it was more of a mental/emotional connection. But that's a good basis right? He was cute! Just not hot..if that makes sense. I think slow burn might be better in the long run anyway.
Well time will tell! I've had 2/3 gat first dates recently that haven't gone any further for one reason or another so I'm pretty sceptical at the moment

Was meant to say GOOD first dates..am a little tired

Lol, too tired too type!!!

oh there she is.... there were people waiting up for you last night , ya know :-)
Sounds lovely dear. Good start x

It was boxing but been here before many a time...
He has messaged me already saying he can't concentrate and I am
yummy

Oh, how lovely last! Now I'm no longer OLD, I can OI in your exploits

FAB! Oh Last your date bodes well for mine. Lots and lots of talking and I truly think that I wouldn't care less if he resembled Quasimodo. In fact I have just returned from a therapy session and my therapist told me that if we have established a connection then it won't matter what he is like in the flesh.

She also pointed out a few things everyone might want to have as a take away. She said that a good partner is interested in you - they ask questions and they want to know everything there is to know about your thoughts, your feelings and your life. They should also be willing to share those things. That's how we make connections with people that are real.

She also pointed out to me that I am capable of recognising the issues that worry me and deciding what is ok and what is not. I often question my judgement due to my marriage - but I am a different person now and have secure boundaries in place.

She said that this is the next step towards my full recovery - a potential relationship that meets all of my needs.

She was excited for me.

We are all excited for you too Last...

remember, I hope your date goes brilliantly for you. Thinking about looks, none of my 3 meet ups would probably have caught my eye in real life, not because they were unattractive, more not what I was looking for. Yet upon meeting them, especially 2 and 3, I was very attracted to them, as we already 'knew' each other.

Hey all
Hope everyone is well. Just checking in for my weekly update Will try and catch up on the 13 or so pages I've missed haha

I have a date Next week ... a Bumble date. Eek. I'll let everyone knows how it goes providing he doesn't blow me out before then

I have a date with Mr Normal tonight.

My first first date for 13 years

It's fair to say I'm a little nervous and I keep thinking to myself "Ffs woman. You're 48 years old, not a bloody teenager."

(Doesn't help though)

I sadly 'finished' things with my man last night. He said for him it's not farewell. He refuses to agree with me. Some of you may be wailing and wondering why on earth I would stop something that was giving us both so much joy?

My life, like many others', as a single mum is full on and highly charged with obligations, challenges and good things too. On the 'phone last night I sensed he was somewhat distant with me after my major wobble whilst staying over at his home for the first night together last Sunday. He'd been hugely reassuring straight away afterwards but yesterday I felt as though I'd broken, or at least, cracked something beautiful. I feel guilty and yet I don't want to feel guilty as I am surely allowed to be imperfect. Plus I've fallen in with his tempo and rules from the moment we started seeing each other. 'No strings attached, oh, I really need this to move forward because my feelings are so intense, to ok let's take an emotional step back'. All this may seem completely normal and healthy on his part but I need some kind of stability in this new relationship. Coupled with the fact that his ex/my friend has a overly big presence in our heads, he is compelling me to not tell her even though he knows it's causing me discomfort, and the fact I have no idea when I will see him next and there is geographic distance between us. It's too much for me, I'm afraid. I knew next week, whilst I am without my children, he will have his son for the entire week. That's fine, of course. However, him telling me he won't be able to talk on the 'phone for the entire time because his four year old is constantly with him seems un unfortunate rule to set.

Of course I'm sad and emotional but my decision came from a survival instinct. As long as this new relationship was giving us both happiness and delight it was an extra component in my life I could handle with relative ease, despite the added exhaustion (all those hormones!) but becoming attached and not knowing when and if we'd be seeing him again? Too much anguish for me, I'm afraid.

I do think I'll be hearing from him again though in the future. I need to be clear with myself in the meantime and know what I need.

Sorry for this long post!

What is a shame though is that in many ways we are a wonderful fit and that the timing seemed right between us. A fairly rare occurence in the world of late forties dating.

this is I do feel you have acted a little hastily based on your own last post ^^ and also the plain fact new relationships take compromise and a bit of jugggling to begin with. It's not plain sailing. We're in our 40's all have baggage both mentally from previous relationships, or actual physical stuff like children, jobs, homes to run, distance. There's no perfect or easy route. Relationships take compromise!

remember I agree with your therapist and what you've said yourself. And mrs fluff too.
When you've had a really good emotional connection with someone for more than a day or two and you've really taken time to know each other and make a good foundation, I find it doesn't matter what they look like!
My iron isn't exactly ugly but he's not good looking. I didn't care because we've shared the same humour and wit, had fantastic conversations over the telephone and sent so many messages I already felt like he was a good friend and had got quite fond of him so, yes unless he looked like Quasimodo I was already half way there! Nice guys for the win! Been there done that with super hot but unavailable many a time!

shodan! Good luck!! I hope it goes as well as mine, please update!
Where are you going, what are you doing and who is your iron!

Thanks, last. We're meeting at a pub halfway between our houses, so just a drink (or two, depending!).

My iron is Mr Normal (well, normal to me, anyway!) and he seems very nice (and good-looking ) but he's 8 years younger than me. Not a problem in itself, I guess, but his children are significantly younger than mine and tbh I think I'm done with that phase.

Part of me thinks that actually, I'm not really ready to be dating at all yet, if I'm thinking along those lines, but hey ho. It's only a date!