Dating thread 111- just waiting...

[Evilwater]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good.

Thisis, yup, I've had and if I'm honest, still have moments of fear and doubt. Not because of anything he says or does, but due to my own insecurities. My husband, after nearly 20 years together, left me for someone half our age - only a few years older than my daughter. It absolutely crushed me. Now I'm with someone 9 years my junior, who tells me I'm beautiful, sexy and that he never thought he'd meet someone like me (I'm keeping him away from Specsavers ). To start with I pushed him away loads and doubted his sincerity, but I realised the issues were mine, not his.
He's a grown man, he knows his own mind, so I've decided to believe him. I'm having the time of my life and feel fantastic. I don't think so much, now, about what the future holds, because who knows, so I'm just enjoying the here and now!!

Sorry for the essay

Keep the good stories coming Ladies, I am rooting for you
I am having a very low miserable end of the year blues day (but really thinking about Mr Cutie more than it is healthy too)
Was meant to see f-w-b number 1 tonight, he's asking if we are still on and I cannot even be arsed to reply

My NY plan is to follow the steps of Crazy.....

Pringles what are you up to ? What happened to Evil, she did warn ahead of her absence but it has been a while now

Gansey, right time and fluff I've started to be distant with my iron of a month as having fears of it ending on Christmas. Hence reading this post and thinking I'll be back on OLD soon, rather than trust the relationship. I know I'm doing it and your posts have made me feel that my feelings of insecurity are ok. Just need to hold my nerve.

Fluff I was left after almost 20 years this time last year, but OW was similar age and he just wanted single life and to rarely have DCs. So glad I'm not with him now, but trust is fragile.

Yes Lilac, trust is so very fragile. The thing is, we let the fear rule us and then we risk making the thing we fear happen. I know we do it to try and protect ourselves, but it's daft really. Please give your iron a chance x

I'm happier than I've been in ages and I won't let the behaviour of my ex spoil my future. Whether that's with Mr 31 or on my own, I won't waste anymore of my life on him!

This is why my ex and I split up. Her anxiety, causing her to withdraw, me able to temporarily make her feel better, but it came creeping back, caused her to act really very weird - not just to me but to her family too. And eventually it got too much for me to deal with, especially from a distance

So it became a self fulfilling prophecy. And now we're both single again..

how long did it last, Bant ?

18 months

No, no Bant, there's no way I would inflict that on somebody. I've allowed myself a couple of wibbles.... no, I am here to live and learn. Thank you for sharing! I'm so sorry to read about your story.

MrsFluff, you are wonderful for empathising and sharing your story. May love rain down on you, as they say here in France

Thank you This is That's why I find this thread so helpful - seeing that others are going through the same, being able to talk to people outside of my friendship group. Also, getting the different perspectives. I forget you are in France, I smile most jealous x

"May love rain down on you" Oh that is so sweet ThisIsTheRightTime
It has made me smile...a new mantra I think. I have to be positive - or at least try!

Sent my 2nd message on PoF tonight (fast mover, me). In hindsight the 1st one (which was blanked) was a bit stilted, almost like a work email, but this one read a bit better.

Will get there eventually.

Is everyone feeling the end of year "gap" I wonder. I consciously decided to stop OLD about six weeks ago after becoming rather disillusioned for various reasons - notably being ghosted by one, feeling a lack of anything other than moose burgers from another and the one that really got me...just faded away.

I have heard from all three in the last two days. I haven't made any contact with any of them since last messages (stuck rigidly to the rules, thank god for them and all of you) but guess they must be feeling the lack of someone at Christmas.

What it's done to my resolve is another matter

So I think Mr Tall may be off the cards. I've been poorly today and didn't feel up to texting loads so just said not to expect me to reply etc. I got a fairly stroppy answer back about him being lonely all day and that I'd have to make up for it?

Erm no mate. That's not how it works.

Aaaanyway been talking to a really nice guy who we will call MrW and he's asked me if I would like to go for coffee in the new year. I'm sitting here with a stupid grin on my face now

Thanks Fluff and Bant it's good to hear your experiences, that sadly doubt can lead to a negative self-fulfilling prophecy while being positive gives a relationship a chance. It's made me think more of the positives and that I shouldn't let ex get in the way.

May the love rain down for everyone on OLD, but that can come from family and friends doesn't need to be a date.

Yeah but the sex is also nice, lilac.

I need intimacy of every kind so I continue to carry on through! It's hard to remain positive at times yes, but although I adore my kids and their cuddles I need a proper hug! in the vagina....with a penis

Anyway date day for me! Am pretty nervous about this one.
I'm not usually but we've both over invested I feel. Too much messaging, and over sharing! We've got stupidly close over whatsapp, which is of course not real life and gives a false sense of intimacy. I realise that which is good. But, my worry is that I'm not going to fancy him at all and it almost feels like we're in a relationship.... I don't want to hurt or disappoint him.
I'll actually be glad to get it out of the way tonight so I can see one way or another! Talk about over thinking, sorry.

Forme I'm fairly new to this but have noticed a bit of an influx on OLD recently (I suppose I count as one as I've become active myself) which I put down to the Christmas factor.

As a time of reflection Christmas/NY is as good a time as any to give it a go I'd say.

Good luck last, I hope it goes really well for you.
I agree on the needing more than a hug. My daughter and family have been fantastic this year, but I missed the intimacy, flirting, kissing and the sex!!

Last - good luck. I will be watching closely as your iron and mine seem to be very similar. I have been having some full on messaging sessions - sharing everything and getting a little...well intimate.

Its been lovely - but its not real, is it? Not until you actually meet anyway. We meet on Friday and it is about the most nervous I have been about anything!

Good luck last and ThisIs 🍀
Good luck to each and every one of us brave souls sailing on the choppy waters of OLD

I've just tuned in to the last comments posted since last night. I'm touched. By the need to love and to be loved, by the desire to give and the faltering but always present need for hope.

May love rain down upon you, one and all.

UpYerGansey, MrsFluff, Lettuce, Remember, LilacPink and everybody else.

I'm still feeling panicked by all these emotions bubbling inside of me. But I am moving forward and dealing with the fact that I am, despite a pretty full life full of family, work and friends, missing him.

And I need to forgive myself for being imperfect and for having wounds to heal after my husband left me two years ago. Fortunately, I've worked on those for twenty four whole months.

We all need to trust in life.

I ll drink to that.
Gosh I couldn't be more down, cannot wait for the holiday and get wicked drunk actually - need to cleanse my head ( got into the OI rut without even noticing )

And I need to forgive myself for being imperfect and for having wounds to heal after my husband left me

Thank you for that This, I need to remember that

Off on my date.. urghh so nervous!