Dating thread 111- just waiting...

[Evilwater]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good.

I have to say, I'm kind of in that position myself- I don't want 'commitment' as such right now. I don't want a string of one night stands either though, so a man who is just available some weekends (for example) would probably suit me down to the ground.

Hmm. Maybe I'm not ready for the whole thing yet.

Something else, about Mr Normal- his children are very young, compared to mine, anyway. I think this might be a problem for me.

Ah well. No need to look too far into the future- I'll just deal with the first date first.

I'd add your own bit of local context to Bant's stat to see if it sounds plausible. I live in a fairly small town and recognise several people on PoF from RL. It'd be unlikely that anyone married round these parts would stay that way after a few days with a dating profile.

Made my first foray into PoF last night by sending a message to one of about a dozen local women I'd be interested in meeting. Was blanked, which is an inauspicious start, but feel strangely positive for having got over the hurdle of sending the first message as had been procrastinating over it for ages. We go again.

If I get a message, it can take up 2-3 days for me to respond - I don't check pof every day... So don't fret too much! Well done on making the first step...

buymeamojito could equally apply to women..it's probably an age and length of time single syndrome!! It would be a lot easier if everyone was openly honest from the outset

Cheers Baklava. No fretting here, but she's viewed my profile earlier today and not responded so am assuming she's not interested so moving on down the metaphorical list.

Have had a look on POF today. Haven't liked the sound of anyone enough to send any messages, but I've been casually window shopping. Man, it's really hard getting back into this OLD thing when you've been burned...

OntheAir I would agree, viewing your profile after receiving a message and then not replying is a sign of not being interested. Never mind, onwards and upwards...

ontheair - the 'grow a thick skin' rule probably applies more to men than women, to be honest. Constant rejection, people digitally looking you up and down and then turning away and ignoring you. All. The. Time.

It takes a lot of messaging to get anyone to respond, and then mostly when they do, they're dull. And then when they're not, they often have issues with an ex, or are just never available to meet. And when you do meet them, there's just no chemistry.

It takes hundreds of messages to actually find someone worth all that effort. But when you do, it's completely worth all that effort.

Yeah totally agree genuine guy. Both as bad as each other , most items on here apply to both sexes . Honesty seems to be lacking which is most bizarre if you hope for an successful relationship in the future .

Hello all, was on here a few weeks ago ... I've now been seeing mr mountainbike for about a month, after messaging for about 6 weeks before that, he'd had an operation, hence the wait till our first date. It's going really well, date 5 on Thursday .... but I'm stressing about the whole Christmas present thing, do I, don't I, just a card??

Wingletang - maybe something simple like a bottle of wine you could enjoy together...!

hi bant ...what kind of messages do you send to people as an opener?

one thing i have found (am very new to online dating) is that people who make an effort and include a bit of information about themselves or reference my profile and seem to give it a bit of thought, I am much more inclined to reply to, even if I don't really fancy their photos...

i tend to ignore 95% of those who just say "hi" or "hello love" or whatever... not personal enough....and i get loads of those!

Sprinkle - I'm the same, I ignore the ones that are 'Hello beautiful'.
Unfortunately that's all I'm getting at the moment!

I've sent out about 10 messages that haven't been replied to. However, I don't know if that is because they don't like the look of me or they're not paid up members (this is on match.com)

Wingletang I'm in similar position, just over a month. We've met several times a week and DCs met briefly a few times. I had a hard break up last Christmas/Jan and for this one, even though everything is good at the moment, I just want it over. My iron keeps mentioning Christmas so trying to get hints from me, I just change subject. Sorry I don't have suggestions, will probably just buy him a box of biscuits, but will watch with interest as don't know present etiquette.

Bant iron I'm seeing had messaged me twice, I ignored the first time as I was already writing to other men and he said very little the first time. I like messages where men say something like "good evening, I can see by your profile that you like X and would be great to find out more". Most of the messages I received were "hi gorgeous", probably sent on mass to every single woman in my area.

Helena - no it was certainly no thunderbolt but with both I came away from the first date thinking ummmm - possibly. In the run up to meeting my second husband, I had quite a few dates (including meeting an Australian guy - very nice and spent a lovely month in Perth with him but not long term material) and only met 1 man who I couldn't wait to get away from. I became good mates with another, and had interesting and enjoyable evenings with the other but there was no ummmm!!!

Yeah, I usually ignore the 'hellos' although I don't get many, generally women expect men to make the first move.

My first messages will usually be four to six sentences. Brief opener, say I like their profile, say something amusing if I can about something they've said in it, or ask a question about it.

Brief intro to me, somewhat self deprecating, and ask them to get in touch if they fancy a chat. If not, good luck.

Then, of course, I immediately follow up with a picture of my genitals because that's the etiquette these days, apparently.

Thats proper effort Bant. It doesn't take much.

More messaging from Mr Good Cook. I am fancying him something chronic....constant all day contact and lots of supportive messages and general kindness.

Phew - he had better be this good in the flesh.

bant you come across really well.

I think from what you've said, your messages sent are spot on!

How's Bumble working for you? I, liking it after signing up this week. I prefer it to Tinder I think

Meh, I'm off dating for a bit. I get a match every few days, and generally the conversation is a bit dull.

No one starts with a joke. No one.

I try and start with a joke and I don't know if I'm just not funny but I don't get much response. I swiped a lot of people on bumble, matched with 2 and messaged them and got immediately unmatched.

I'm getting so disheartened by this...since I turned 30 I'm not getting matches that want to talk, guess my age range are looking for younger women! I'm not bad looking, no kids, solvent, fairly good job. If i can't meet someone at work, out of work, in a bar or online where else is there to try???

Might reinstall tinder and just swipe EVERYONE

com on guys. It is really the wrong time of the year for old, with the pre xmas rush. Anyone who has a life has better things to do, most match will possibly stick it through till the new year... The Apps must be full of last minute chancers. Yes I know I am ever the optimistic

Lets try to pin down a date for us to meet up, I have never done anything like this but will be very happy if we could go for a Thread meet=up / drink in the new year

Any takers?

( sorry men not allowed for obvious reasons )

I do have a new iron and we are meeting for a first date Wednesday. Talk about last minute.com before Christmas!

He seems really nice so far. But I'm totally disillusioned and very jaded after the last 2/3 have changed their minds, ghosted, or slow faded.

He's been lovely so far, really good at messaging but everything he says I'm just feeling like, hmmm yeah yeah heard it all before! Poor guy..

Still I'm looking forward to my 13th first date of the year on Wednesday!

Oh last, I hope Weds go well for you. I hope he's a good guy!!

Mine has been the same for a couple of months...and my friends have met people on tinder and are now in relationships so I can only assume that it's me. And I definitely don't come across as desperate so that can't be putting them off!

Oh yeah fingers crossed for a good one last

Cheers Pringle and Bant. I'm skeptical about the whole thing, which should make the rejection easier to take. Would much prefer a straightforward ignore than half-arsed interest from someone who thinks they're doing me a favour by talking to me.

Good luck last