Dating thread 111- just waiting...

[Evilwater]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good.

sprinklemonkey I felt exactly the same way. I stopped feeling so nervous when I met one guy who looked nothing like his (admittedly somewhat blurry) photo. He had glasses, less hair, more weight and I think was also shorter too.

We're all trying to come across as the best version of ourselves. I'm pretty sure you can still tell I'm me from my photos - could not say the same about that guy!

The genuine rule of thumb is to always trust the worst photo, never the better ones. And then think about all the photos they just have discarded to think that worst one was good enough to go up on their profile.

I had one chap message me and demand to know which of my pictures was actually of me as they were all of different people! I decided that I couldn't date someone who didn't understand that you could curl/straighten/put up hair or change your outfit...

I have discovered that I just don't have many photos of myself. Those I do have are a little like headshots. I have sent additional photos to my Mr Good Cook.

All I want is kindness to emanate from photos. For them to look like they are kind people. I think people who are too posed or perfect - probably care too much and will be presenting some kind of front.

BTW - I have set up a date for next friday...I am utterly terrified all of a sudden. Its silly because I am having trouble communicating with him now despite being relaxed half an hour ago. Don't know what to say anymore.

Going to go out for drinks - but he is driving so won't drink much. I just have to come up with somewhere suitable to go.

thanks for the encouragement everyone! it feels good to know more and that everyone is in much the same boat... :)

i'm already chatting to a few people who seem nice, i'm only interested in speaking to those that come across as nice people...!

i've put off any potential dates until mid jan whilst xmas and new year is over as it's all too hectic... in that time (bad timing with xmas i know) am going to try to exercise daily so i feel a bit more self confident by the time dates come around!

i've had a really tough few years as a LP and am only just finding a tiny bit of time to myself now my DS is 4... so i kinda have an excuse i'm not in ship shape, i think i might mention in any date arrangements something to that effect.

don't get me wrong i'm not like the hunchback of notre dame or hugely overweight but my self confidence and fitness / health levels could be better and i just want to feel better about myself....

rememberthetime good luck with your date, sounds fun! very close to xmas...maybe there will be some xmas romance!!

Would it be okay to ask mid conversation here about OLD experiences of 40 something year olds and men in their 40's?
What do you think men of this age are looking for (or is that too general)?

That's probably too general - some men have concentrated on career and now want to start a family. Some are newly separated, or divorced. Some of those will want to have a bit of fun, some will want to find someone to remarry. Some will have grown kids, some will have young kids, some will have none. Some will want more children, some will be unable to.

One thing to keep in mind is that 1/3 of all men's profiles online are married men, so especially in that age group, keep an eye on whether they're available to message only during the day, and not much in the early evening.

omg, 1/3 are married, wow! that's insane...! something to think about!

Remember we are quite similar I think. My messaging with mr tall keeps getting quite intense in the evenings. Instigated by him but if I say enough he stops. He wanted to call me yesterday but I got scared and said I was busy. Wtf is wrong with me

Anyone else having trouble logging into PoF?

Yes, that was probably quite a general question.
What do you think of this situation? I met someone on PoF, we messaged for a few days then we met up. We've met up 6 times since. He's got a busy job, dc and I've got 1 dc (although he is old enough to be left whilst I'm out).

He got quite intense with messaging at the beginning which I was flattered by but a bit wary of. I think he was also quite taken by how I looked.
Last week we were going to meet then something came up, literally overnight his messaging changed. I've really been the one instigating messages now. I asked if he wanted to meet again and he said he did (so he's had a get out) but nothing arranged. Today I asked if he wanted to meet later and he said that would be great but just found out he's doing something else now.
What do you think? What shall I do?

Blosom8 gut feeling and experience .... he has moved on, his interest has shifted, just can't say so directly but he saying it with his behaviour.

I would totally disappear from his sight. No one leave anyone hanging for more then few days if they care about keeping the person interested

Bant ... wow, 1/3 ? that does sound an awful lot considering how many people admit to being married in their profiles

Bant - where did that stat come from? Is it the same for women?

Ark - I don't know if messaging this much is good or not. But the more we talk the more I like him. I am yet to find out something that rings alarm bells. I think that you can't keep up a pretence for too long - so plenty of contact will weed out the liars.

Seeing him friday - so still time to find out more.

Thanks all, I've messaged him (rightly or wrongly) to say I've got that feeling. Going to sit down and be sad for a while now.

That came from '1,339 QI facts to make your jaw drop', available from all good booksellers. Actually it was over 1/3.

That may include specific cheating sites like Ashley Madison or something, which may throw the numbers off, and some of them may be separated but not yet divorced, but.. Yeah.. It's food for thought

There's no corresponding stat for women. I'm assuming it's lower though.

blosom8 i think it depends and it's important to get their history. Some single 40 year olds think they are looking for relationships but in reality they have commitment issues. Red flag for me would be a 40 odd year old guy who has never had a proper long term relationship. Mind you, my ex is coming up to 40 and we had a 10 year relationship so that test would fail on him!

Had a third date yesterday - very lovely. But...no real attempt to kiss me! Thought it was odd! He texted afterwards to say he had a good time and I replied to say me too but also that I was a bit confused! He replied saying he didn't want to scare me off. Never met a man in my life who was worried about scaring me off!! Thoughts??

It seems to be completely unpredictable how men will react though.

I just can't work them out. They want you one minute then not the next. I've been told by so many people (including men) that I'd be such a catch but it seems once caught (and not even got into bed) the novelty wears off.

Blosom8 well done for asking him out right anyway. I do not think there is a right or wrong if someone begins to ghost. It just sucks.
Do you think you may have friend-zoned him? You said you had 6 dates but no intimacy

Thanks BoxingHelena. We had talked about more intimacy in the future but literally overnight he changed on me. When I asked him if he wanted to see me again he said definitely then back to very scant messages for a few days. Really no idea why.

Possibly because some men aren't looking for an actual relationship, they just want to know they can get one if they want. Some women too, I suppose.

Seven dates without intimacy seems a bit long, but horses for courses. Some men are just hunting, without wanting to actually take the next steps.

I have had a few guys message for weeks , very intense , met some , slept with one and then messages slowly die off .
I think that some men want a relationship , enjoy the messages from women but some how seem to be less keen on changing their lives to let someone in . It's like they've got set in their ways and have filled there time with work , hobbies and stuff . Reluctant to change to accommodate anyone else .
Or maybe it's just me lol X

Will never understand the psychology of being on an online dating website but not wanting a relationship!

Have decided not to check if my sole iron is still active online. Makes me crazy to see it but have to accept it is outside my control and doesn't mean he is a player. But ugh I wish these things weren't so easy to find out!