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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

OH F**K MY DH HAS JUST LEFT ME- Hope there's someone to talk to

361 replies

ohsmellyjelly · 15/02/2007 22:07

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Original poster
ohsmellyjelly · 17/02/2007 15:51

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ManchesterMum · 17/02/2007 17:23

Hi OSJ - No you are not wrong to feel that way. In my limited experience, it's always the men who sod off, usually with their mobile switched off. I keep promising to do it myself to scare dh into realising what it's like being left "holding the baby" but whenever an arguement happens - not too frequently, thank heavens - my primal urge to look after dd kick in and I just can't (either that, or he beats me to it, the coward!).

On a strangely positive note, that you are directing some anger towards him rather than exclusively towards yourself, as seemed to be the case in earlier postings, would suggest that you are moving along the path that will enable you to come to terms with the situation, whatever you decide should happen. Unfortunately there will be a cocktail of emotions to come - especially when you meet up again - but it is a start.

Anyway, it's good to hear from you.

Original poster
ohsmellyjelly · 17/02/2007 17:48

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ohsmellyjelly · 17/02/2007 17:53

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ManchesterMum · 17/02/2007 17:54

It's just one of those things we'll never understand - like not being able to multitask

ManchesterMum · 17/02/2007 18:03

Sorry OSJ, our postings crossed. Didn't mean to sound flippant in response to your recent message.

Tomorrow will be pants but it needs to happen. If you can keep it simple, don't expect too much and leave the lines of communication open then it will have been a success.

Will certainly be thinking of you. (((hug)))

Original poster
ohsmellyjelly · 17/02/2007 18:11

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ManchesterMum · 17/02/2007 18:19

Will be there across the ether trying to hold your hand through the whole experience...

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ohsmellyjelly · 17/02/2007 18:23

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BandofMothers · 17/02/2007 20:22

Glad you seem to be thinking clearly.
Perhaps if you talk about the letter first and get it out the way.
For example, I know the letter hurt you but it was only written because of the problems we are having in our relationship and I really think that's what we need to focus on.
Good Luck. Fingers crossed.

Original poster
ohsmellyjelly · 17/02/2007 20:26

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BandofMothers · 17/02/2007 20:36

Good. Sounds like he at least wants to talk it through. Perhaps he's come to a decision too. Calm discussion is the best way to go, although when it gets heated is when I normally say what's really on my mind cos I get annoyed and don't care whether I hold my tongue.
Calm is the way to go though, I think, for you 2.

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ohsmellyjelly · 17/02/2007 20:45

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BandofMothers · 17/02/2007 21:08

No probs, have been watching the thread. Funny how you come to care for faceless people you'll probably never meet, but you do, well I seem to anyway. It's nice knowing there'll always be someone at the push of a button in a crisis.

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ohsmellyjelly · 17/02/2007 21:15

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BandofMothers · 17/02/2007 21:18

Would say you too, but don't think it will be appropriate.
Just good luck and

Might be good to kind of not leap on him, in any sense, and let him lead the way. See where he wants to take it etc.
Thinking of you and watching for news. (but not in a sad, haven't got my own life kind of way.)

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ohsmellyjelly · 17/02/2007 21:26

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BandofMothers · 17/02/2007 21:42

If that's you being bad with them then you're better than me.
Went through a full plate patch a few months ago, am still not quite out of it. I was much worse than that.
My dd1 is 3 and in the doesn't listen to a word stage, which drives me mad. Have been so low on patience, feel like I've done nothing but shout.(better the last couple of weeks)
Made her cry once or twice cos I shouted right in her face.
Feel horrible just thinking about it.
I think you're doing really well. I'm sure they realise something's going down. Perhaps he can take them to the park or something, so they know he's still there.

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ohsmellyjelly · 17/02/2007 21:49

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NurseyJo · 17/02/2007 21:51

This reply has been deleted

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BandofMothers · 17/02/2007 21:52

Just meant have had a lot on my plate!

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ohsmellyjelly · 17/02/2007 21:53

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ohsmellyjelly · 17/02/2007 21:54

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ohsmellyjelly · 17/02/2007 21:54

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BandofMothers · 17/02/2007 21:55

Neither have I. It just spills out.
You seem more cheerful. Is it relief just to know what's happening?