OH F**K MY DH HAS JUST LEFT ME- Hope there's someone to talk to

[ohsmellyjelly]

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Have sooo been there... In the aftermath of a bereavement last year, one of the best things to happen was an offer from dd's favourite grown ups to take her out for the afternoon to a local museum. She came back a different child and that few hours gave me & dh a chance for some much needed space.

Should also remind yourself of those times when dc are being more than a little bit unreasonable for no reason whatsoever, other than the fact they take after their parents!Nobody's perfect

Yeah. DD1 picks up on stuff that's going on too. She has playschool for 3 hrs, 3 times a week and it's good for us all. She loves it and I have time with dd2, without the constant chattering off dd1, which is usually lovely, but sometimes gets a bit much.
It's hard to always be with anyone without time off, esp someone so unreasonable as a 3 yr old.

It's when dd is being at her most unreasonable that she's most like me or dh!!! Fortunately, the rest of the time she's a star of entirely her own making.

DD is not naughty very often. At the mo, it's a perfectly normal 3 yr old not listening until I shout after the 10th time.

I think that's the law in 3yo world...as it is in dh world on far too many occasions

BTW OSJ, just gassing till you are able to return (though realise that it's unlikely to be tonight)

Hmm. Yes. If dh is on comp, watching tv or reading I have to get his attention before I even bother talking or he simply doesn't hear me, and then I'm usually answered with, "WHAAAAAAT???"
Yes OSJ. Hopefully you're tucked up in bed with z's. Shouldn't think you've slept much lately.

Reckon I ought to sign off for this evening too BOM. Will hopefully catch up again soon. Hope your massage helps tomorrow. Night!

I'm off to catch z's too. It can't hurt.
Can it????

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OSJ - to go on AD's is a personal choice, but I think you make a good point. Do you know what AD's he's suggesting for you? Personally, I am quite against them as I have a family member who has a prescription drug addiction and have seen friends messed up by them, but they can work quite well, I guess. Have you considered counselling instead? Sorry if you're already mentioned this, but don't have time to read the whole thread. I have always found counselling quite helpful and resisted any attempt to put me on medication.

On the illness front, stress makes you run down, so I'm not surprised that you are coming down with illnesses. Dh is like this at the moment due to work stress and we're going to try a holistic diet. If that doesn't work, we'll try reflexology and, if that doesn't work, go to a nutritionist. There are a lot of alternative therapies out there and they do seem to work...

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Your doctor sounds a bit odd tbh.

What I've been told previously is that they would use the AD's to break the cycle so that you can benefit more from the counselling. I can understand the logic, but if it is an option you pursue, you need to be very clear about how long they expect you to be on them, any side-effects and how easy it is to get off them/withdrawal effects...

Have only just found this thread & read through briefly.
Sorry for everything you're going through OSJ ((hugs))

I think that Dr's see AD's as the answer to everything these days. Although I have been on them myself & they did help too. I was on them for a very long time & could not see me ever coming off them, but eventually weaned myself of them.

I think you will know yourself if you feel you really need to go on them. I think if you are so low & can not see a way forward, then maybe try them out. But if you feel you can get by without them, then dont.
I found at the time of starting mine, they really did make me see things more clearly, & perked me up too, but they also masked my feelings, but that was what I needed.

I havnt known of any bad side affects from Citalopram, although they didnt work for me!
But I think if you can manage without them, then do so. You don't have to take them.

Like others have suggested, I think couselling sounds the best thing, for the both of you that is.
But on the other hand, there is only you who knows if you really want to be with your DH or not. You have to try & look back at where it started to go wrong & why. Can you really get back what you had? Do you want to?
Counselling may let you see things in a different light. It may work, it may not, but at least you have tried to make a go of your marriage, instead of letting it slip through your hands.

Good Luck, hope you both work things out.

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[Hmm] Don't like the sound of your doc!!
It's hard to say about the a/d's. Do you feel like you're really not coping well at all.
I think a second opinion is a good idea. Perhaps a female doc, pref with kids!!
Only you can decide what you want, hang in there and get well. Then you can decide. There's no rush really.
Do you want relate for you alone, or you and dh together. Together might be more helpful.
Or perhaps just you, then bring him in after.
Whatever you decide you know you can always come to MN and rant to people who care about you.

I had a very positive experience with AD's a few years ago where I had not realised I was suffering from depression - which in hindsight, I most certainly was - and had very nearly left dh because of it (the depression, that is, not the AD's). I was only on AD's for six months and they simply enabled me to relearn how to be happy again (I remember laughing at something on the TV and realising that I hadn't laughed out loud in months, it seemed so alien).

However must agree with BOM et al that a second opinion sounds a really good idea because AD's aren't for everyone and are so specific to each individual and their situation. Also sounds as if your GP is barking mad, which isn't a quality that instils great confidence...

Hope to hear from you soon.

BTW have you managed to get some rest yet OSJ? Will you be able to catch up on your zzzzz's this week?

Also, how did the massage go BOM?

It was gooooooooooooooooood.
It's not quite like a massage though. The woman described it as acupuncture without needles.
It's manipulating pressure points on the body to open the natural channels in your body, so it can heal itself. Or some such like. . .
It's my shoulders and neck, esp shoulders that give me trouble. I hunch a lot, and get knots, but it's been bad ever since birthing dd1. So knotted and achey, but could never really afford regular massage to get rid of the knots.
Still can't really. Sigh
Thanks for asking. Turning in now.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. . . .

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Relate isn't about being able to think clearly, it's about the 2 of you sitting down and discussing the problems in your relationship that have brought you to this crisis point, with a 3rd person in the room to make sure the discussion stays constructive and probs can actually get sorted out, without everything breaking down into a screaming match.
Why do men always seem to miss that point???
I suppose he thinks he doesn't need to sort things out and that it's all you.
Sorry OSJ.
It just seems that the men always say, I don't need to goto relate. You're the one who thinks we need it!!

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You've never really said what the original problem was. Do you think it's your fault?

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