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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

OH F**K MY DH HAS JUST LEFT ME- Hope there's someone to talk to

361 replies

ohsmellyjelly · 15/02/2007 22:07

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Original poster
ohsmellyjelly · 08/03/2007 13:38

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BandofMothers · 08/03/2007 22:14

Glad to hear you so positive about the relate. I think you should put in a complaint about the sleeping woman. SERIOUSLY, that's just not professional. You go there for help and she's nodding!!!
Hope DH adjusts ok. It's hard for both of you and I hope he can be patient.

willywonka · 09/03/2007 10:59

Really pleased to hear that your Relate counsellor seems so good and appears to understand the need to address broader issues before looking specifically at your relationship with dh. Sounds just what you need...unlike the one you saw at the surgery - would be funny if it wasn't so important.

Party was ace, first time I've spent an afternoon at a pub for ages. Even had a pint of cider, which doesn't sound much but I'm 18 wks pg so not generally drinking at the mo. Did the swimming go OK? Hope so. If it did, maybe you can do some other things together, with and without dc, that will give you things to talk about other than what's going on in your relationship - even if it's just to the cinema, theatre or a gig. Might help to take some pressure off?

Keep reporting back as and when you want/feel able because I - and I'm sure BOM - would love to know how you're doing

BandofMothers · 09/03/2007 11:06

Hi WW, yes OSJ. Like to know you're ok.

Did we know you're pg WW, can't be arsed to reread the thread. If not , then
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@CONGRATULATIONS@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

Am going to see, "becoming Jane" at cinema tonight with my sis, while dh stays with the girls. Not really a hard ship as they'll be asleep and he'll just be on xbox as usual. But is nice anyway. He even suggested making a regular thing of it.

willywonka · 09/03/2007 12:10

Mmmmm...James McAvoy in tight breeches...

Original poster
ohsmellyjelly · 09/03/2007 13:14

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willywonka · 09/03/2007 14:37

Thank you both for the congrats . Is pg no. 3 though DD2 was sb last year T 34 WKS . However that is (literally) a whole other thread...

Original poster
ohsmellyjelly · 09/03/2007 14:56

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willywonka · 09/03/2007 16:10

We clearly miss DD2 and are just looking forward to her becoming the quieter big sister! The whole pg is very strange this time round though, as you can imagine.

Glad swimming went well though sorry to hear that things are strained at home. Could you do something totally off-the-wall like go for a tango lesson? Know it sounds ridiculous but is the sort of thing that could potentially have you both laughing. No personal experience but I've always been tempted by friends who've been and say it's really good fun.

OK, OK...I'll get my coat

Original poster
ohsmellyjelly · 09/03/2007 17:44

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willywonka · 09/03/2007 18:15

I didn't think for one moment that you were being insensitive and certainly hadn't expected that you would have seen any of the threads. We're fine & taking things a day at a time, though will be really pleased to see the Consultant in a couple of weeks.

Re: the tango idea, I just thought it offered a degree of physical contact in a social (& public) environment so there'd be less pressure than, say, at home. That said, though, you would have to feel comfortable enough to go ahead. Getting pissed would not have been a good idea when dh & I were having problems - it would have resulted with one of us becoming morose and having a bloody great big row. Would love to know what you do end up going for.

No plans this weekend other than dd's own hectic social diary !! And you?

Original poster
ohsmellyjelly · 09/03/2007 19:51

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willywonka · 10/03/2007 13:02

How did it go last night?

Wish we lived near a beach - hope the weather has held out sufficiently for you to go. Shouldn't complain because we're only 1/2 hr away from some stunning countryside though rarely make it beyond the local parks...

Speak soon

Original poster
ohsmellyjelly · 10/03/2007 13:31

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impostoryummymummy · 10/03/2007 13:51

didnt get a chance to read through the whole chat here, only the first part.

have you thought that maybe you kept the letter so by chance dh could find it? not to hurt him but just so it would open up a channel of communication between you guys? it seems like you've been thinking these thoughts for a long time - on your own. you probably have really been wanting to be open about it with him. sometimes if you are open from the start when things start to bother you, you talk and realize its more in your mind then for real and things quickly go 'back to normal'. the more you think about it on your own in your own head, the more it becomes bigger, and out of proportion from reality, making it much harder to ammend.

btw, it cant be right that things were going downhill all because of your problems. not having the openness to share and get help form your dh is part of his problem too. maybe after your csection you didnt give yourself enought time and space to recomver mentally and spiritually. that could have been a time when you needed dhs understanding more than ever. and the more you kept it to yourself / he didn't understand/support your trauma,the further away you got from him.

i hope your doing better today. usually the day after things look a little more optimistic.
hugs

BandofMothers · 10/03/2007 19:31

about your dd2. Cannot think how I would have coped with that, and don't want to. {{{Big hugs and kisses for dc3}}}} Hoping she/he comes safely into the world at 40 weeks.

The film was REALLY good. I was so into it I nearly cried a couple of times. SOOOOO sad. James McAvoy was rather lovely, although not particularly good looking, there's something about him. And He and Anne Hathaway (who was also wonderful) really had such chemistry, you believed them. Hate it in a film when you just don't believe that the 2 characters are attracted to each other. Really reccommend it, but with a girlfriend. No way Dh would agree to sit through it.
I would definately add it to the dvd collection. I am never on at the same time as you 2.

Original poster
ohsmellyjelly · 10/03/2007 19:58

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BandofMothers · 10/03/2007 21:33

OSJ. I didn't check back in til now. Are you still here??????

How's it going??????

Original poster
ohsmellyjelly · 11/03/2007 21:13

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willywonka · 11/03/2007 21:19

Hi OSJ! Putting feet up after swimming (forgot to take the towels - d'oh!!) & birthday party antics today. Hope your weekend has been OK? Did you go anywhere nice for dinner?

Will be at work when you're on the board tomorrow but will catch up with the thread in the evening. Hello to both you & BOM anyway!!!

wheresthevalium · 11/03/2007 22:18

Hi OSJ, Have just read this whole thread, and just wanted to offer support, and hope things turn out as you want them to

ohsmellyjelly · 12/03/2007 14:00

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BandofMothers · 13/03/2007 11:17

OSJ. Why message deleted. Are you ok. How are things??

Original poster
ohsmellyjelly · 13/03/2007 14:33

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Mumpbump · 13/03/2007 14:37

Hi OSJ - just saw this on active conversations so thought I'd check in. It sounds like you've made a lot of progress already, if you ask me. Glad that Relate is helpful although disappointed that the other counsellor was so crp. Getting pssed occasionally with one's dh is a good way to go, imo! The result of the last time dh and I had a big night out is my current pg!! Things definitely sound like they are improving...