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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

OH F**K MY DH HAS JUST LEFT ME- Hope there's someone to talk to

361 replies

ohsmellyjelly · 15/02/2007 22:07

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Original poster
ohsmellyjelly · 28/02/2007 13:29

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Mumpbump · 28/02/2007 13:31

OSJ - I have a few issues from my childhood which affect how I feel about things now. Recognising them is the first step to coming to terms with them and then rationalising and altering your present behaviour. I obviously don't know what your issues are, but I do believe from my own experience (and what I have seen of how my dh has changed his behaviour) that it is possible to change behaviours. It might not be easy and it might take time, maybe even a few years - nothing worth having ever is easy, it seems - but I am sure you will get there is that is what you really want.

Can I suggest you put a date a few months away in your diary now? Then write a letter to yourself, saying how you feel about things at this point in time. In a few months, write another letter and then compare it to the one you have written now to see how things have changed. You might be pleasantly surprised at how differently you feel.

Original poster
ohsmellyjelly · 28/02/2007 13:35

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ManchesterMum · 01/03/2007 09:55

Hi OSJ - so pleased that you and dh are looking to give things a go. No doubt you'll have good & bad days over the weeks and months ahead but it's great that you'll have dh for support, particularly if you're dealing with painful issues from childhood. I do hope that your NHS counsellor is helpful and that you hear back from Relate soon because, between them, they represent the real start of your journey.

MB's suggestion of writing a letter is so simple but such a good idea. I would love to know how you feel in six months or so, when you check back and, hopefully, be able to see some significant changes for the better in all aspects of your life.

Original poster
ohsmellyjelly · 02/03/2007 16:41

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Mumpbump · 02/03/2007 16:49

OSJ - I know it's difficult because you've had quite a lot of drama now, the dust has settled and, I imagine, not much has changed. As my mother would say (and has done on many an occasion in the past) "you need to let the world take a turn or two" and see what happens. When you are not sure about things, re-read this thread - I think it is obvious that there is emotion on both sides still and something to work with.

When does the counselling start?

willywonka · 02/03/2007 16:50

Reckon you can make it through till your counselling session next week? Also, any word from Relate yet?

(BTW, I used to be a Mum from M/cr )

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ohsmellyjelly · 02/03/2007 16:53

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willywonka · 02/03/2007 16:55

Was ManchesterMum until I got bored yesterday evening.

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ohsmellyjelly · 02/03/2007 16:55

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ohsmellyjelly · 02/03/2007 16:56

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ohsmellyjelly · 02/03/2007 17:01

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willywonka · 02/03/2007 17:03

OSJ - hopefully the counselling will help dh realise that there won't be a quick fix solution and this will give you the necessary space to sort yourself out sufficiently to be able to think about the relationship. The last fortnight has been a rollercoaster for you both and maybe you're just at different parts of the ride at the moment?

If you're feeling a bit low why not look back at some of the postings you left when dh was away? It might help to remember how you were feeling and what you missed. Can be difficult to see these things above the minutiae of daily life.

Have you had a chance to write yourself a letter BTW?

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ohsmellyjelly · 02/03/2007 17:08

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willywonka · 02/03/2007 17:22

Was only wondering whether you'd had time to write the letter, wasn't trying to chase you up about it, honest! Don't know how to ask without being totally insensitive, considering how all this started, but have you given any consideration about where you might put it for the six months...?

Do read your postings though if you have a chance because the things you'd say about dh were really very touching

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ohsmellyjelly · 02/03/2007 17:26

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ohsmellyjelly · 02/03/2007 17:27

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willywonka · 02/03/2007 17:34

Been MM for ages and decided to let my love of chocolate come through for a change! Do you have any plans for the weekend?

Original poster
ohsmellyjelly · 02/03/2007 17:48

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ohsmellyjelly · 02/03/2007 17:50

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willywonka · 02/03/2007 17:57

Pub tomorrow for friend's dd's 2nd bday (does have a great play area, at least that's our excuse!!), bit of work, some housework, nothing exciting.

Was just thinking, as you say, that you've not had a "quiet one" for three weeks. Swimming will be fun . Might follow your example and see if dh is up to joining me & dd at the pool on Sunday

Original poster
ohsmellyjelly · 02/03/2007 19:53

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willywonka · 03/03/2007 09:17

Speak soon!

BandofMothers · 04/03/2007 13:40

Great new name MM, I mean WW.
Don't put so much pressure on yourself OSJ. Go with the flow. You don't need to decide now. Can't you say that to dh in some more sensitive way. Or at least that he needs to stop pressuring you, give you some space and see what comes to light in your counseling.

willywonka · 07/03/2007 16:19

Realise it's still early days but just wondered how you're getting on OSJ?