Husband had sex with his cousin...

[user1479512536]

I have written on here before about my husbands intimacy issues and our relationship on the whole. Just a quick recap before I get into the title of the thread:

My partner and I have been together for 3 years, in our early twenties with an infant young son. Our sex life is pretty much non-existent, it has got to the point where we rarely have it at all anymore. We have had it 2 times in the past 3 months.

When we do have sex it is very wooden. He is not interested in oral, touching or trying anything new. Just bog-standard stick it in. Most of the time I do not orgasm as he doesn't like to touch me or give oral. He will often finish and then just roll over and go to sleep. I have suggested many things that we could try and he always rejects them. At first I thought it was due to his porn use, he stopped using porn around a year ago but nothing has changed. It's like he is just totally disinterested in me.

I've tried to talk to him about it, I have asked him what is wrong and if there is anything he would like to do. He gives me many different explanations each time including: 'I don't like touching vaginas' 'My type is asians, blondes and larger women' 'You are obsessed with sex, there is no issue'. Many more I can list but these are the ones that come to mind.

ANYWAY so tonight I opened up the discussion yet again about our lack of sex and the quite frankly crap sex we do have on rare occasions. I asked him if he had been abused in the past, as this could be an explanation for his aversion to sex. He told me that when he was around 15, he had a sort of fling with his 2nd cousin who was 14 at the time. He had seen this cousin regularly throughout his childhood. They would flirt, cuddle and on one occasion she came into his bedroom and began playing with him under the covers and got him to play with her. He said he stopped because it felt weird.

I am quite frankly disgusted. I have met this cousin too on several occasions and I just cannot get my head around this. I really do not feel like I can continue the relationship at this point. I am also quite concerned to leave my son with him after this revelation.

Thoughts?

[user1471461436]

I dont see second cousin as weird at all?

[kali110]

Seeing a family member 4 times a year does not make them close at all. I think it's sad that you asked him if he was abused and he does open up and is honest about something he was ashamed about and you're disgusted.
He maybe gay, he may have been abused but I don't think you're compatible.
He may be the father of your child but you can't fix him.
You deserve someone who isn't disgusted by your body.

[Potnoodlewilld0]

op do you feel like he was trying to tell you she sbused him?

Do you think he might be gay?

[randomer]

did you not try before you buy

[Booboo66]

I understand you cannot answer every question but mine about whether he has always been an uninterested lover and never wanted to touch you is fairly relevant

[Raineau]

This is going to sound maybe upsetting but I think he might be gay. If he doesn't like to touch women and the sex is more for his pleasure maybe he is gay but feels he cannot open up or maybe he isn't even sure himself and is trying to push these feelings as far down as possible.

Regards to him having sexual relations with a cousin yes it's wrong but sadly it's something that has happened and I don't think this is the issue that is stopping him from touching you. It's something that you can either move on from (it's gross I know) or it's something that you don't want to live with and you move on from him, either way you are not happy and things won't change if he feels this way about you (females)

Know one can tell you what to do but I think it wouldn't matter what you did or how long you held on to him he isn't going to change and you deserve to be happy.

[LuluJakey1]

You don't sound compatible at all. If he is not into vaginas he isn't into women. He sounds like he prefers sex with himself to sex with anyone else. Is he a cold person?

[MysweetAudrina]

It's seem you are as disgusted by him and his cousin as he is by your vagina. Sounds like you have about equal disgust for each other now. Move on.

[user1475501383]

Used to be normal. My Great-Grandparents were cousins. Not just second cousins but actual first cousins. It's weird but apparently it used to happen a lot.

[LatteLady]

It is neither illegal or wrong and marriage of cousins was common here and is still common amongst the Asian community. However this not even a direct link as it is second cousin.

Undoubtedly, it was an exploratory fumble when he was a teenager so forget it or do you want him to be fixated on your early explorations too?

If you have anything to worry about it is how to resolve your own problems together and perhaps that's what should focus upon rather than the red herring you are currently pursuing.

[Jog22]

Maybe you're just not sexually compatible any more, you got together young, people change. Do you fancy him? Does he do anything that makes you feel love for him? Do you think you could split amicably and co parent in a positive way?