Just found this FB message exchange between Dh and a woman, not sure what to think?

[HuskyLover1]

Message was in July:
Him: Thanks don't think it was up long
Her: Sorry, it was a mistake. Only meant to send the pic to you. Won't bother you again
Him: Don't be silly. I wasn't bothered by it. You don't have to be like that. What happened in your marriage?
Her: Ok, sorry again for shocking you. I'm still married but it's not the best. I feel very unloved and have done for years. It will be our 9th wedding anniversary on 20th July. I want to enjoy my life with someone who loves me for who I am and wants to spend time with me. Hope you are happy.
Him: Not shocking. Good pic actually. Didn't want my wife to see it and put 2 and 2 together. I'm so sorry that hasn't worked out for you. You moved out or are yu going to get a divorce?
Her:No I'm very scared. How long have you been married?
Him: Scared of what? I've been married years.
Her: I'm scared to leave and be on my own. Hate life at the moment. How did you meet?
Him: You'll be ok I'm sure. You have a lot on your plate. I met Husky on POF.
Her: POF?
Him: Plenty of fish
Her: Where is Husky from? Hows life Hows work?
Him: Tells her where we live

^^ this was all in July

Then last night he sends her a message saying "how are you"

God tell me what to think about this :-(

Why do you check his messages? I'd hate someone checking mine and i have nothing to hide. Also, It's none of my dh's business who I'm friends with or what we chat about. I'd suffocate in a relationship like this.

I agree with those who think that your husband's behaviour here has been, at worst, completely unremarkable and, at best, kind to an old friend. I can't imagine how suspicious and claustrophobic the relationships of those who call this 'troubling' or 'grooming' must be.

Your snooping through your husband's Facebook is far more problematic than his having social media conversations with old friends.

The "I don't want my wife to put 2 and 2 together" means he doesn't want OP to find out whatever is happening! Jeez not bloody hard.

Not necessarily, I say it when someone has reached the wrong conclusion and made an ass of themselves.

Yeah how did you come to see them if they were in his private messages? It's not really ok to snoop, having been cheated on before is not an excuse unless he was the one who cheated and it's been agreed between you both.

I think he's telling the truth but I'd ask him not to message her anymore I've been cheated on it does cloud your judgement.

The 2 and 2 together is suspicious as is the pic that could have shocked him but he said it's a nice ic by the way. I think it could have been a pic of them together but maybe a long time ago. It might have been them having a meal together at some point and he doesn't want you to know as other woman was complaining about her marriage. I hope it isn't anything awful. Hugs xxxxx

I really don't think it's suspicious. You can't go around reading your partner's personal communications, and in this case there's nothing incriminating anyway so you should feel doubly bad about it to be honest! Don't tell him not to contact her again, it just makes you look paranoid and controlling.

I agree she might be sending out some signals but he's been carefully neutral on those which if anything should be very reassuring. The most 'smoking gun' thing is the picture, which even if inappropriate was obviously initiated by her. The absolute worst you could say is that he was complimentary about it, this really is the very mildest form of flirtatious interaction I could imagine, if you even interpret it that way. If anything had been going on there's be a lot more than that.

2 and 2 together just means he doesn't want you making 5. Which you are. Sorry you've been cheated on in the past but don't do this to your DP. He deserves your trust and his privacy.

I believe your husband, I think he's just being kind to her. But I can totally understand why you thought it could be more, because of what you went through in your first marriage- sounds horrible. If anything I think this woman needs to back away as she is being a bit nosey and forward..

By 2 and 2 together he quite clearly meant "draw a conclusion" not "find out the truth".

It reads to me like she's persuing him and he's not interested. He's told her that he's married, and has been for years, and where he met his wife. All very innocent to me.
I've also been included in those annoying selfies at various events, so I'd believe him on that too, and also understand that he wouldn't have wanted you to see it if you're the jealous type, which is understandable as you've been cheated on in the past.

In fact I think she was giving him an opening to tell her that she's gorgeous, how any man would be lucky to have her, etc etc, and he didn't 'You'll be fine' = not interested.
He was rather silly to continue the conversation though, IMO.

Oh, it's sad that you think no one should care if an old school friend is sick. When my sister died I had a couple of old school friends I'd not heard from in years pop up to say sorry and share old memories and it meant the world. I'd have been so sad if one of their partners had had that attitude.

It isn't about me wanting attention from people. It was just nice to feel they had remembered us.

I agree that your husband doesn't sound as if he has done anything wrong. I would watch her though as she is clearly reminiscent and the scared comment sometimes seems to spark mens knight in shining arming nerve.

We had a chat last night about it, when he got in from work. Reading your replies, I had already come to the conclusion that I had been OTT, and I did make a lovely dinner for him coming in (as normal). She is a family friend from years back, but I've never met her, so she's someone on the periphery, so to speak. But their paths cross at work. The photo was taken at work, a poutie selfie. She posted it to his FB wall. So defo not a photo that was inappropriate (you wouldn't post that to a FB wall!) He asked her to take it down, as he knows that I have trust issues (he knows how I was treated by ExH). I feel absolutely awful that my issues have made him moderate his behaviour. Because that's it really. He has never done anything to make me think he would cheat. He's totally open with his PC and phone. I feel like a total Tit. Have given myself a good talking to. Thanks for replies. I think after 20 years with ExH cheating and gas lighting, sometimes I just don't trust my own judgement. Feel 100% better and very positive today. And I've decided that by being "on alert", I'm allowing ExH awful behaviour to affect my future, and enough is enough, I just cannot and must not do that! Thank you!

I don't understand what could have been in a picture containing three people to make your DH worry about you putting 2 and 2 together and getting the wrong idea? If I were you I'd be wanting to see what the picture was, after all DH can explain to this woman that as you now know the context you can see it without jumping to conclusions. Unless of course he was worried you'd put 2 & 2 together and get the correct answer...

Sorry X-posted. I still don't think you were wrong for feeling the way you did though, I'd be upset if my DH kept anything from me because he'd presumed to judge how I'd feel about something so obviously innocent.

I think it sounds like he meant put two and two together and get 5 rather than he has something to hide.

Your DH sound like a nice man, but even nice men can have affairs. She sounds manipulative, not that he wouldn't be responsible for his own actions. But this woman is fishing isn't she? She wants more contact, he needs to be aware.

This happened to my DH years ago, out of the blue a woman messaging him, reminiscing, he was responding in kind, then she started over sharing about her marriage and how she longed to be a princess and feel loved. I think she was expecting my DH to respond but he's a bit slow on fishing for compliments!! I saw it all, private messages, and explained that all this could lead to a coffee, then a drink, then you're making the decision whether or not to kiss. Not everyone, not anyone but normal loyal humans can also cheat if they're not mindful of the first steps.

I've not read the full thread but it sounds like she's unhappy and bored in her marriage and seeking attention/validation from others and he's not really biting.

I think you've nothing to worry about even with the how are you? message recently. He either a/ genuinely cares how she is as a mate b/ was bored and fancied a chat with someone.

Lovely update OP!

Yeh, I think on reflection, that she was fishing and he didn't bite. Made me feel a bit territorial. My ex best friend did the same to my first Husband. Of course being the twat he is, he did bite and within weeks they were shagging! I think that's why my back was up, so quick. I said to him that she was fishing and he said, god I didn't see that, I'm just a bloke, I don't over analyse! The contact on Friday, was because he heard that her sister (also a friend, but not on FB) is very, very ill and likely to not make it. He would definitely hear this through work, given the work he does. He is very, very good looking (tall, dark, handsome cliche), but genuinely he doesn't seem to have the faintest clue! Doesn't preen, doesn't even look in the mirror! I can totally see why she would have a try.

Happily married men are such a draw for some women.

To be honest I wouldnt buy that hed be clueless that a woman who was suddenly texting him out of nowhere could be sniffing around because lets be honest who genuinely would be, but either way he seems to have shut it down.