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Original poster

Just found this FB message exchange between Dh and a woman, not sure what to think?

152 replies

HuskyLover1 · 19/11/2016 21:58

Message was in July:
Him: Thanks don't think it was up long
Her: Sorry, it was a mistake. Only meant to send the pic to you. Won't bother you again
Him: Don't be silly. I wasn't bothered by it. You don't have to be like that. What happened in your marriage?
Her: Ok, sorry again for shocking you. I'm still married but it's not the best. I feel very unloved and have done for years. It will be our 9th wedding anniversary on 20th July. I want to enjoy my life with someone who loves me for who I am and wants to spend time with me. Hope you are happy.
Him: Not shocking. Good pic actually. Didn't want my wife to see it and put 2 and 2 together. I'm so sorry that hasn't worked out for you. You moved out or are yu going to get a divorce?
Her:No I'm very scared. How long have you been married?
Him: Scared of what? I've been married years.
Her: I'm scared to leave and be on my own. Hate life at the moment. How did you meet?
Him: You'll be ok I'm sure. You have a lot on your plate. I met Husky on POF.
Her: POF?
Him: Plenty of fish
Her: Where is Husky from? Hows life Hows work?
Him: Tells her where we live

^^ this was all in July

Then last night he sends her a message saying "how are you"

God tell me what to think about this :-(

OP posts:
HedgehogHedgehog · 19/11/2016 23:08

the 2 and 2 together comment wouldve worried me but coupled with the rest of the convo it doesnt seem like anything is going on between them? Hes very openly said hes married and not said hes unhappy with that or anything. The way hes speaking to her doesnt sound romantic just friendly. Maybe you should just ask him about it?

bibbitybobbityyhat · 19/11/2016 23:10

How do you find facebook messages like this? Just curious.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 19/11/2016 23:10

I reckon the photo was an old picture of them when they were together. That would be the "putting 2 and 2 together".
I think she's an old girlfriend, very old if she's unaware of your marriage to him and how long it's been, or even when and where he met you - and yes, I agree that she's fishing to see if he's available.

However - the question is not so much about her but whether or not your DH has any interest now - if there was no contact between them since July until the latest "how are you?" then it wouldn't seem like there was much to worry about - but he might have deleted stuff in between. But if he had, then he would have deleted that convo you just found as well, so that seems unlikely.

Ask him.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 19/11/2016 23:12

I mean, when she says "i'm scared to be on my own" he replies with "you'll be ok I'm sure" - no suggestion that he's going to help her, he's backing off and telling her that she'll be fine.

PopGoesTheWeaz · 19/11/2016 23:17

I wouldn't worry, but would probably flag it with DH that i'd seen it, for the sake of openness and all that lark

RolfsBabyGrand · 19/11/2016 23:20

She was sussing out if he was interested in July. He's not interested. She was obviously feeling miserable. He checks how she's doing now. I think it could all be pretty innocent. Ask him who she is, does sound like an ex.

Phalenopsisgirl · 19/11/2016 23:24

Yeah he doesn't sound interested, and its obvious they hadn't been in contact prior to this for a long time. The fact that there was nothing between July and november confirms he isn't looking for anything. I think you can safely say if the first time she crossed his mind was 4 months later he isn't keen, he probably just genuinely wanted to check in. Sounds like something I would do without any intentions beyond a bit of kindness.

WingsofNylon · 19/11/2016 23:39

I disagree with everyone saying he was clear about being disinterested. First, he was the one to turn it into a conversation. He could have left it at the first line but he carried on and showed concern for her.

He then commented that it was a nice picture and that he hadnt minded getting it.

This would upset me regardless of any further conclusions that could be drawn.

lottieandmia · 19/11/2016 23:46

He shouldn't be having conversations like this IMO. It doesn't sound like he's having an affair with her (at the moment). But why is he asking how she is? Men don't do this unless they have some agenda Ime.

CondensedMilkSarnies · 19/11/2016 23:48

message was in July:
Him: Thanks don't think it was up long
Her: Sorry, it was a mistake. Only meant to send the pic to you. Won't bother you again

Sounds like she posted the picture in his FB page publicly but meant it to be sent as a private message . Could you make out that you or a friend saw the pic and ask him about it ?

nancy75 · 19/11/2016 23:48

Lottie that's rubbish, I had an hour long conversation with a male friend this morning, he asked how I was, we have been friends for 30 years and there is no ulterior motive from either of us.

lottieandmia · 19/11/2016 23:53

Yes but Nancy, if he knows she's interested in him then he shouldn't be encouraging her.

nancy75 · 19/11/2016 23:54

Or maybe she isn't interested in him and he's just checking she's ok because she's having a bad time?

BubblingUp · 20/11/2016 00:03

I don't get anything sinister from that exchange. Sounds like someone from his long ago past - not even a romantic past necessarily, but maybe just someone he was close friends with at school or something.

Propertyquandry · 20/11/2016 00:07

If you have access to these messages and he doesn't know you have access then I'd be tempted to wait and see how she responds to him asking if she's ok. That conversation may either prove you have nothing to worry about or confirm that you do. Either way, he shouldn't be flirting around the edges of something that could easily develop into an emotional affair.

mya83 · 20/11/2016 00:09

.

WingsofNylon · 20/11/2016 00:09

Nancy your example is different though. This isn't a friend of his. The op doesn't even know if the woman.

coolaschmoola · 20/11/2016 00:12

The accepted meaning of 'putting two and two together' is that the person adding them will jump to the wrong conclusion.

BlueFolly · 20/11/2016 00:13

I would ave jumped to conclusions too OP.

GrabtharsHammer · 20/11/2016 00:18

No, put two and two together usually means coming to the correct conclusion.

TokenGinger · 20/11/2016 00:21

I only read the first page so sorry if this has been mentioned.

But it doesn't sound like an affair at all. The first messages in July... the way she explains the marriage/being together for 20 years is as if they've only just begun talking properly. She's telling information as if it's new. If they'd been having an affair or seeing each other, she wouldn't be discussing it in this way.

My interpretation is, they're work colleagues, there's been a do, there's a picture and she's shared it. He's asked her to remove it out of respect for you.

The message last night could be anything. She could have had a breakdown in work yesterday and he said he'd message later to check in. Or she could have just posted an emotional status on Facebook.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 20/11/2016 00:28

I would interpret this very differently to most people who have replied. She must be an old flame or something, but they stay in touch - he knows she's married.

She posted a photo and tagged him in it. Could be a photo of them together or of her, but he asks her to take it down. She does, says it was meant to be private, and says she won't bother him again. He says he doesn't need to respond like that and introduces her husband into the conversation (an easy but ineffective way to remind people they are in relationships, at times). She makes it clear they are splitting, he entertains the conversation but isn't shutting it down, he calls it a good picture... then they start talking about you.

Unfortunately his comments are difficult to analyse without the photo. If it's an old photo of them together, it's possible it was a good photo and he just didn't want you to see it (or anyone else on Facebook!) and think they were back together. His response was okay in that scenario - he still entertained it longer than he should but he seems to want to keep this person as a friend. If it was a flirty photo of her, it's a lot less appropriate and saying it was a good photo is worrying - as is the 2+2 together point.

I think I'd go and sit with him somewhere that he won't be leaving any time soon, and then tell him you were contacted by First Name today and see what he says. Hopefully you have enough info that you'll know if he lies at all or distorts the truth, so you'll know if the rest of what he says is true.

Don't contact her. She would probably find the information that your marriage may be in trouble rather valuable.

wowwee123 · 20/11/2016 00:57

i didn't read much ìnto it tbh.

i read the 2+2 as in come up with 5.

i thought him msging her after so long was just a misplaced concern but nothing sinister.

lottieandmia · 20/11/2016 00:58

Who really puts photos of themselves with their ex on Facebook though? It just doesn't happen. I think I'd be worried it was an office party photo or something which shows the two of them in a compromising position. Or perhaps he means the photo was funny.

lottieandmia · 20/11/2016 00:59

2+2 together usually does mean to come to the wrong conclusion though.

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