Last night I found condoms and viagra while cleaning out garage

[MindFuckDailyMailisshit]

Second marriage of 12 years. We are in our 50s. We've had our ups and downs with a particularly bad year in 2015 when my husband became withdrawn and depressed due to work problems.
Things have improved and I thought we were happy. I don't see very much of him as he works away and has elderly parents he visits on Saturdays ( when I tend to spend time with my elderly mother).
He's generally good company although will not go on holiday or away for weekends due to his work commitments and his parents. He is unaffectionate and due to his depression our sex life has suffered but I've been trying to get that back on track. Yesterday I was cleaning out the garage and his sports bag was open and there was viagra and condoms.he has never needed to use condoms with me as I had the coil. I asked him last night and he said he bought the viagra to spice up our sex life. He said he bought the condoms by accident in a pub machine by pressing the wrong button.
I'm absolutely heartbroken. He says it's the truth and his behaviour was a whim he can't explain. He has apologised and said he will do anything to save the marriage. I've been awake all night and I don't know what to do.

Good for you, OP.

You can very quickly step back into a great life:

" I'd learned to live without expecting my H to contribute to my happiness. I really enjoy my job and have fantastic friends. I have a good social life and holidays with either my friends or family. I didn't see very much of H as he works away. When I did see him he was generally pleasant so I just made the best of what I had."

So...you still have your great job and your friends. You can have a great social life, and holidays. You have lost someone who was 'pleasant' and was not necessary to your happiness.

In fact, book a holiday with friends asap - give you something to look forward to.

I am sorry you had this horrible experience, you didn't and don't deserve to be treated like this. But - your great life is ready and waiting for you to resume it. Good for you, and Good Luck!

Very well done OP. You have the upper hand, you are not a cheat or a liar and worth far more than being treated like an idiot as he has done.

You will be fine, your life sounds full of support, you have the loyalty of your son and you sound independent. It will all work out and it's his great loss. What a fool, what arrogance.

Book a solicitors appointment and then a holiday.

A quick update. I'm still living in family house with H. I wasn't able to move on straight away as I was in a great deal of emotional pain. It has been one hell of a roller coaster but I have finally got my ducks in a row and moving into a flat when presented tenant has left. H is staying in family house when I leave. This is my choice as I have no attachment to my house anymore.
My H has been very remorseful and now realises what he has lost but I know he has been minimising and I don't know the full story. I'm not sure I want to now. I find it strange that I still feel love for my H but I could never let him touch me again ever. I feel sorry for the next woman he meets and I know he'll have my relplacement pretty soon. On paper, if you didn't know what I know, he would seem quite a catch as he's kind, has a good sense of humour, lovely to animals and is a high earner.
If I've learnt anything from this it's a cheater must face the consequences of their behaviour. I have also learnt that life can change forever in one brief moment. I think we are unaware of how strong we are until we are challenged and we rise to that challenge. This whole episode has been horrific but I have experienced such support and kindness. I'm so glad I found out the truth and I'm looking forward to starting my life again. One thing I know is that I'll never marry or live with a man ever again as much I love them ( well some of them!) as I just long for independence.

Gosh OP, wonderful update. Proud of you. You sound so switched on and strong. You are going to enjoy your new digs SO MUCH! When I moved out I was devastated (was def still attached to the house) but within a couple of days, the penny dropped that I was free and as you say, I could start my own life again!

Totally agree with you, marrying again or living together sounds the absolute pits! Independence is wonderful and so underrated!

Love to you, what a brave thing you've done.

Brilliant update. It was a given, condoms and viagra are a sure sign of cheating, especially in those who are in mid forties onward and have been in a long and seemingly stable relationship.

I love my independence too. Good luck. x

What a stupid wanker. He'd have had half a chance of staying together (by what you said at the very start) if only he could tell the truth.
You'll be fine.
He'll be miserable, his fault.

I know, it's all the lies which made my mind up as I know I can never trust a word he said.

Good for you OP. Living with an unremorseful cheater who refuses to come clean is a sure path to self-esteem destruction.

I hope your move goes well

I remember your story.
You've been strong and brave and I think now you have a whole new life to look forward to.

I really hope so. And the good news is my son has saved enough deposit for a flat. It's in the same development as where I will be moving so we can be there for each other but have our own space. I haven't lived on my own since I was in my 20s.
So, on reflection, although this isn't easy, I can't regret marrying my H as he's been great with my children and I've enjoyed our lovely family home with our dogs. Now is the time to move on.

That's good you will be close by each other.
Hope things work out well for you

Hello to anyone who read and remembered this thread. I’m the OP but obviously with a different username. Well, I survived my move, I really love where I live and for the first time in many,many years I have peace of mind. I don’t miss my old life, not one little bit because I realise it was based on lies. I miss my animals, all of which have sadly died in the last year.

A massive positive from this situation is that I have reestablished a close relationship with my daughter as my H divided us ( I should never have allowed that to happen). Another plus is I am better at diy & I’m much more capable than I ever thought I was. I’ve also become an expert on online dating,I never thought I’d be typing those words in my 50s. I’m having a break from that at the moment as I’m seeing a lovely man who is treating me really well, although I’ve turned into a complete commitment phobe which is hardly surprising.

Although I said in my first paragraph I’ve found peace of mind I think it will take me a long time to completely recover from the mini earthquake that happened in my life. Some days I wake up and feel incredibly sad but again I suppose that’s normal given the situation.

Reading back on this thread is like reading a diary and I find it amazing how I tried to believe my H when it was completely obvious he was talking complete bollocks! How could I have been so stupid? Anyway, to conclude on a positive note ,there is a way back from a massive betrayal no matter what your age. I know I’m going to be ok. I hardly talk about what happened in RL anymore as I don’t want to put my friends through it, but they have been truly amazing. I don’t have much to do with ex H anymore but I wish him no ill as life is far too short to be wasting anymore energy.

I remember this thread well, although i don't think I posted.

Very, very pleased to read your update, op. You have shown a lot of bravery and self-awareness to get this far and I'm glad to hear that things are going so well for you. Best of luck for the future.

Aw I'm happy for you op. I remember your thread and felt so bad for you then.

Thank you. Life doesn’t always work out as planned but you’ve got to roll with the punches. Overall I think my ex has suffered more than me as his life has just crumbled. He is no longer the arrogant, self assured man he was. To say I feel sorry for him is probably going to far but I hope he gets his life back on track, although I must admit he almost repulses me now..

Wonderful update. Im glad you're doing well.

So happy for you op.

Thank you all

I too remember your thread well OP. I can’t believe how quickly time has passed (maybe not for you) and I am so so pleased to hear you are doing well.

You sound like you’re in a really good place right now.

This update is inspiring, thank you so much for this it gives me hope, and I really needed it today.

It proves we don't have to put up and shut up, there's a whole world of new beginnings out there.

A really positive update, I hope you have the most wonderful times ahead.

How could I have been so stupid?
You weren't stupid.
You loved someone and trusted them and wanted to believe what he was telling you.

Well done on moving on.
It's a great update.
You'll let your barriers down when you are ready.
Do that at your own pace.

Thanks hellsbellsoften notice your very wise words on mumsnet.
Big hugs to you Badtimegirly , although you can’t see the woods for the trees at the moment your vision will be come clearer in time and things will improve. These ‘life crisis’ seem to render us in a catatonic state which paralysises us and make us unable to take action. I’m glad my post made you feel better.

I found a condom in my dryer on the back it said how to use the pills blue zeus is the brand. First time i ask him he said there not his and cant remember using them , Second time he said they🙄 where his and they where for us and the pill to see if he can last longer. We do not use condoms ever so i don't no why i think he is lying