Last night I found condoms and viagra while cleaning out garage

[MindFuckDailyMailisshit]

Second marriage of 12 years. We are in our 50s. We've had our ups and downs with a particularly bad year in 2015 when my husband became withdrawn and depressed due to work problems.
Things have improved and I thought we were happy. I don't see very much of him as he works away and has elderly parents he visits on Saturdays ( when I tend to spend time with my elderly mother).
He's generally good company although will not go on holiday or away for weekends due to his work commitments and his parents. He is unaffectionate and due to his depression our sex life has suffered but I've been trying to get that back on track. Yesterday I was cleaning out the garage and his sports bag was open and there was viagra and condoms.he has never needed to use condoms with me as I had the coil. I asked him last night and he said he bought the viagra to spice up our sex life. He said he bought the condoms by accident in a pub machine by pressing the wrong button.
I'm absolutely heartbroken. He says it's the truth and his behaviour was a whim he can't explain. He has apologised and said he will do anything to save the marriage. I've been awake all night and I don't know what to do.

You are well set up to be just fine without him.

Whilst it may be unconventional, is there a way he can live somewhere separately in the house? It doesn't sound like you see each other much anyway. I would get a divorce but if it is too disruptive to move, see if there is a way he can live his own life (convert garage?) and stay somewhere on the property. You have to weigh up what is more painful - to have him around, or lose the business and move your son/ animals etc.

Sorry to hear all this OP.

Can you buy him out of the house? If it is important to your business, with a business loan? With an interest only mortgage? By doing something clever with your pension?

I would go quiet, keep your cards close to your chest while you find out your options - go and see a financial advisor.

Good luck.

You're only in your 50s and you're living half a life.

I was married to that kind of person. I found a blue tablet on the floor in the room where exh kept his clothes.
I was horrified. I thought my son was using drugs. No it was my filthy, lying bastard husband at the time using viagra.
Things were already going downhill but he was using dodgy sites too , worked away

He's lying op and you deserve better . The truth would be better than his lies.
He's taking you for a mug.

OP, how did he try to lie explain about the two different brands?

I absolutely agree with Blu. It doesn't sound as if there is much marriage in existence to try and save. I'm so sorry. This happened to me. I am not much younger. The first time I found my husband cheating on his many business trips abroad I felt sick for weeks but I forgave and tried to move on, but nothing really changed. I genuinely think he just took my efforts to save the marriage as evidence of how clever he was and what a chump I was. Second time I realized he was lying I realized it had actually never stopped and was escalating. I hid my knowledge. I photocopied a record of every asset I could find in joint and single names. I got the house valued. I did some training. I bought some work outfits and a good winter coat. Upgraded my car. I persuaded him to move some money we had held offshore back into the UK. I found evidence of his pensions abroad. I cleared debts and I got a roll of hard cash together by doing cashback every time I was in the grocery store. I got legal advice, then checked that advice against others experience. Sometimes lawyers tell you the law but forums can tell you the bitter reality. It has taken 4 years to come out the other side and I'm glad I made the decision but it was scary and hard and very expensive. There is a chance you will not meet anyone else I'm afraid. My experience is that men want someone 10-20 years younger so 50 yr old men are looking for 35-45 yr olds and 70 yr old men are looking for 50 yr old women. You will not keep all your joint friends if you divorce, even if you disclose the reasons. You have to be confident you could face life alone but it sounds like you have been doing that for years anyway. This way you do it without a lying cheating husband to deal with too. Whichever decision you make you will always wonder if it was the right one but if you collect all the facts and make a calm slow decision you can have reasonable faith in your judgement. Sorry this is so long. Good luck

OP - you know what's going on (whether it's with prostitutes or OW, does it matter?) and you know that your marriage isn't great anyway.

You don't have to throw him out right now. Get your head around this, talk to your friends and a solicitor - look after your lovely dog, make plans for you and your son. There will be a solution (clue: it involves getting rid of the feckless idiot) but it doesn't have to be now - he's hardly there anyway. Do what's best for you, when it's best for you. So sorry OP - but life will get better than this.

The two different brands of condoms doesn't look good, but the viagra wrong button press could be plausible and account for one of the brands of condoms. It doesn't help with the rogue brand though.

Thank you all for your replies. I'm going to read them now as back home. H gone to visit his mum in hospital so I have some peace.
We have had another discussion, he admits now he bought the condoms on purpose (as opposed to laughably "pushing the wrong button on machine ").He said he thought about having sex with someone else but didn't go through with it. I'd like to believe him and almost do as he's seems so contrite and sincere but after reading threads on here I know he's probably lying.
I'm feeling very calm, too calm, possibly still in shock/denial.

So he was planning to have sex with someone else, and had even got the condoms/viagra stuff? Regardless of whether he did or didn't, the intention would be the end for me.

And he's changed his story, the second time you asked. So he'll probably change it again if you asked him again. I would start lining up my little ducks if I was you OP, because I wouldn't trust him an inch. Sorry you are going through this.

You paint a picture of a crap boring unfulfilling unaffectionate marriage even before you get to the Viagra and condoms.

But then enters the potential of infidelity and NOW everyone wants to save the marriage? Why?

And just who is this person he was planning to have sex with?! You deserve to know that, at least. Are any tablets or condoms missing from the pack? That's quite important, I think.

Viagra can be bought as a recreational drug. Condoms can be bought as a posh wank, maybe to combine with the viagra.

But saying he pushed the wrong button on the machine is NOT CONSISTENT with either of the above because why would he feel the need to lie?

My bet is Ashley Madison, Adultwork or something similar and he is most probably fucking someone else.

So he is minimising to try and see what he can get away with to get you just to sweep all under the carpet like you did ten years ago cause it was easier to stay and many reasons against splitting. Same as now.

Why would he of bought two different packs and kinds of condoms and have them in two different bags when he was just considering sleeping with someone.

You don't seem to spend alot of time together so he realistically has plenty of opportunity to cheat.

So sorry I know how hard it is to take in. It's horrible how one person who is suppose to love you, can completely crush you.

Heart broken for you dump his arse

Go live your life without him

Thank you Cary he seems to think it was ok to buy the condoms as long as he didn't (supposedly) use them. He's making out I'm over reacting. He keeps on putting his hand on his heart and saying I know in my heart I've done nothing wrong. I'm beginning to feel like I'm being paranoid but I'm not am I?

He's making out I'm over reacting of course he is, he's looking for any available get out
He keeps on putting his hand on his heart and saying I know in my heart I've done nothing wrong
again, of course he is

He said he had no one in mind in particular who he wanted to have sex with. He was drunk, lonely and going through a midlife crisis. My heart weeps for him.
He is now texting me constantly suggesting holidays. He can fuck off with that idea. I have great holidays with my friends which doesn't involve fucking other men. I also go away with my sister and her partner.

he admits now he bought the condoms on purpose (as opposed to laughably "pushing the wrong button on machine ").He said he thought about having sex with someone else but didn't go through with it

he realises the first excuse wasnt plausible and so he changed his story, (rookie error on his part...it just makes him look worse)
he admitted the first version was a lie, why should you believe the second version?

refuse to believe him and you'll get version 3, then version 4

It's not looking good is it?
I think I would follow PENDRAGONS advice ^^ and get all my ducks in a row - protect myself as much as possible and then decide what to do from as position of strength.

He's still lying. He's minimising.

It's scary living with someone who looks convincingly "contrite and sincere" while they tell you a succession of things (each of which they judge to be the minimum truth that they can get away with at that moment) isn't it?

Im afraid that making you feel guilty for your very reasonable suspicions and suggesting you are overreacting is simply a clever attempt at gas lighting. He is attempting to manipulate your sense of reality and mess with your head in order to distract and disguise his deceit and his potential actions. You are not imagining the lack of love, respect or affection in your marriage. You are not overreacting. I fear he has been using you as an unpaid housekeeper for several years whilst pursuing other sexual relationships. Why would he not wish to maintain the society acceptable veneer of family man when it suits? You need to decide if the veneer would suit you for a while too, perhaps until your son has left home but you need to trust your instincts and responses. I still believe it would be better to hide your cards while quickly researching all available options for getting him out of the house. These days while you have to give a reason for UK divorce any infidelity will make little difference in the end to the financial settlement. To use adultery as grounds for divorce it must be used within 6 months of discovery but you would also need names of other parties I believe so would be better to simply use 'unreasonable behaviour'. If you have a dependant child still living at home you may be more likely to be awarded the house, or a financial majority share of the house until your child is 18 or 21 then it may have to be sold to release your husbands share to him. A lot depends on other available assets in family and whether the house was owned before the relationship by one of you. You really need legal advice. Most solicitors offer 30 mins free so think up focused questions on most important things to cover first. You are strong. Whatever decisions you make will be the best ones available with limited information and resources. How close is your son to your husband. What is likely emotional fallout for your son?