Last night I found condoms and viagra while cleaning out garage

[MindFuckDailyMailisshit]

Second marriage of 12 years. We are in our 50s. We've had our ups and downs with a particularly bad year in 2015 when my husband became withdrawn and depressed due to work problems.
Things have improved and I thought we were happy. I don't see very much of him as he works away and has elderly parents he visits on Saturdays ( when I tend to spend time with my elderly mother).
He's generally good company although will not go on holiday or away for weekends due to his work commitments and his parents. He is unaffectionate and due to his depression our sex life has suffered but I've been trying to get that back on track. Yesterday I was cleaning out the garage and his sports bag was open and there was viagra and condoms.he has never needed to use condoms with me as I had the coil. I asked him last night and he said he bought the viagra to spice up our sex life. He said he bought the condoms by accident in a pub machine by pressing the wrong button.
I'm absolutely heartbroken. He says it's the truth and his behaviour was a whim he can't explain. He has apologised and said he will do anything to save the marriage. I've been awake all night and I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry OP, but I think you need to find the strength to deal with it now as it sounds like he's been cheating for a long time.

Thank you for your replies. He's still insisting this morning that he hasn't cheated on me.

Ah here love. Come on.

He has sex with escorts during his work days when he's away.

LTB.

2 different brands?
That blows his accidental purchase out the water then.
Unless his a bit thick and accidentally buys condoms twice and of differing brands.

Yes it was the two different brands that made "pressing" the wrong button seem even more unbelievable to me

You don't have to prove it beyond all doubt to act on it. You can just leave him because you want to.

And I'm really sorry you're going through this

If it were true, why didn't he tell you he'd bought the viagra? - why didn't he laugh and say "guess what, I got condoms by accident?" - why hide stuff in the garage? ... for me there are too many secrets here and I'd have to know - threaten him with Jeremy Kyle

I love my life, I love my job, I run my own business (which without going into detail I can only do from this house) I'm reluctant to disrupt my son who lives with us. I have a dying dog and an elderly cat and another dog I don't want to move. How do I go through this? I'm in turmoil

Looks like he was cheating ten years ago via the hook up site, and probably never stopped. Those condoms weren't bought by accident. Not twice.

What do you want to do?

Ah, he didn't buy condoms twice by mistake, no ones that stupid. And the sex website you talk about, clearly things don't fall off screens and into wallets.

Yes, he's sleeping around when he's not with you. Be it with prostitutes or women he meets on line. I don't think it can be doubted that that's what he's doing. I'm sorry.

The question is what do you want to do about it?

Fortunately I'm meeting up with a really good friend who I've known since I was 17 and I won't be going home tonight

I think escorts sounds quite a strong possibility as 99.9% will insist on use of condoms or no sex. Sorry OP. What a total shit.

Be fab if you could afford a private detective to catch him... failing that can you get into his phone/computer and find booking texts/emails/conversations??? Wouldn't normally want to pry into my other half's private communications but you've got clear concerns that I feel would warrant it. Normal courtesy is kind of off the table.

Yeah, two different brands and hidden - he's buying them from a chemist or elsewhere whenever he passes somewhere that sells them, not from the pub vending machine.

If there is ONE positive to this (and it's hard to find I grant you that) - thank Christ he's been using condoms plus your lack of sexual activity together is another protective element for you.

I might follow the bastard myself if I thought I could get away with it - but I think if you keep at him hard enough you might crack through and he'll finally tell the truth. I hope so.

Truly awful situation for you and I'm most pleased you're not ignoring it and have had the necessary level of disbelief at his 'explanation'.

Yes, Bluntness, from watching many episodes of Lie To Me, the more convoluted the 'explanation', the more it's likely to be a bare assed lie.

I'm so glad OP that you can get away tonight and do some clear thinking.

I'm not saying escorts is impossible but is hook up sites not more probable given that was the website address the OP found?

In any event dump him OP. Don't waste any more years on this guy.

I fucking hate him

Good call.

He doesn't even have enough respect for you to try to lie convincingly.

Escorts sound more likely to me
50 year old men are very unlikely to pull on a hook up site

If he admitted to me he has cheated I could deal with it better. It's the lies.....

The question is, do you think you could forgive if he actually told you the truth (assuming he has messed about?) - if so, ask him to leave unless he tells you everything and wants to work at your relationship .... if you couldn't then you need to ask him to leave in any case - so hard for you, so sorry

If you did tell him to leave, could you afford your house/business on your own?

Very sorry but you know he has likely been cheating on you for 10 years now.
Meeting up with your friend sounds great. Expect him to try and pull the perfect husband routine to keep his ideal set up, you at home and him getting what he wants.
Could you not stay in the house and him leave? Don't stay in the relationship for your son, he'"" pick up on the atmosphere and unhappiness so much more than you realise f you decide to stay living together just for him.

What serialweightwatcher said.

And somehow you need to find the strength to call his bluff - try not to worry about how you will cope with the financial issues at this stage.

Tough - feel for you.

To be honest it sounds like you spend very little time together anyway so if you can't afford to stay at the house on your own, is the house big enough for you to have separate bedrooms and bathrooms and lead separate lives?

I know someone who did this quite successfully as her H worked away all week and they just did their own thing at the weekend.

OP I know you want life to continue as it is for you, your business, son, animals, so can you ask him to leave? He is clearly being/has been/pans to be having sex with others. Why wouldn't he want the marriage to continue- he is absolutely happy with things as they are I imagine. Other option is that you accept that you are no longer in a sexual relationship with your husband, just sharing a domestic life. Would that be a solution?