What happened when you told the husband/ wife

[Molly333]

Following on from a recent thread in here what happened when those of you told the partner/ husband/wife of the person who was part of the 'affair' ?

And another one!!!

Do none of you have a heart???
Why discuss his suicide like its some fucking topic?
He was my brother I gave said how much I am hurting and I left the thread yet here you are still taliking about him.

Fucking stop it you cruel people.

And yes mnhq I know they will report me and I know I will be deleted. I am sorry for that but they really ard just being cruel now.

Bubble, I really do think it's time for you to step away from this thread now for your own sanity and benefit.

Bubble why are you still on the thread? No-one is being cruel or discussing your brother. Everyone has said they feel for you. It would be cruel not to. It's being discussed in a general sense following your comments, and people have a right to feel strongly - it's an emotive topic experienced, sadly, by a lot of people.

Incidentally a very good friend of mine also committed suicide 4 years ago. Her husband will never get over it, but it wasn't his fault. We all have to cope with the aftermath. It's sadly more common than many people think. I hope you can find a peace with it - I had to, along with her family and friends, and her husband. X

Bubble why are you still on the thread

I have left well alone but here you are discussing my brothers suicide regardless.

Bubble, I really do think it's time for you to step away from this thread now for your own sanity and benefit.

I did yet people are discussing my brothers suicide like some fucking question time.
You want me off the thread then stop talking about it.

Nobody knew about your brother until your brought it up to justify your own choice of language. People dont commit auicide because someone has cheated on them. They do it because they are mentally ill. You are placing blame where it doesnt belong. Deal with your anger better:

Another one new to the thread just to have a dig.

Whats wrong with you people?
Just leave well alone.
I wish I had not shared such painful information. I mistakenly thougjt posters would understand and leave me al9ne once I left the thread but no it has just been used as thread fodder.

You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Fucking hell Callu can ypu bot think of anything more heartless to say than that?

He was not mentally ill he was heartbroken.
I cannot believe how cruel some of you can be.

Please pkease do not use my brothers death for more discussion. I am begging you please stop.

Bubble put a sock in it!

The only one discussing it over and over and over again is you! Tired of trying to show you sympathy** and feel for you.

Other people suffer grief. Other people experience suicides and other types of grief.

If you want to stop talking about it -

1 leave the thread or
2 stop bringing it up.

Again- am sorry for yours and your family's pain. I have felt it, as have others.

Bubble put a sock in it!

Ok.

I read this thread at the start, and somehow it seems to have taken a life of it's own since then. Bubble I hope you're OK? Perhaps Mums net could take this thread down now because the original q is no longer being discussed, and a bunch posters a putting intellectual point scoring over compassion. Shame on you

Bubble, my brother killed himself too. I would like to blame someone for that, but I can't. He wanted to, so he did.

Anger can be a more comfortable feeling than grief. Consider that you might be holding on to it because it's an easier way of explaining why this happened to your family.

You are not a child, and you are not stupid. You know people make their own decisions.

Agree with PP that it's probably an idea to pull this thread.

Yes, me too.

Bubble, if you are still looking, just hide the thread. It's not helping you.

I don't think this thread should be pulled. It has some extremely valid and interesting posts. It is also one of the rare MN threads on a subject that reflects real life responses rather than a generic MN all cheaters need stringing up.

It is desperatle sad that one PP's family has suffered so much but until her very strong respnses had context, we couldn't see why she was so vehement.

Suicide is such a terrible and painful thing. My best friend committed suicide as a teenager and it haunted me for years. In her case it was related to her parents divorce although there was no adultery there. The thing I remember vividly is how much anger it left behind - I think we all wanted someone to blame there too. Looking back, it was a part of the grieving process, a way of trying to make sense of some thing that had no sense. I'm so sorry for how you feel, Bubble, if you're reading. I think it's very normal to attribute blame whatever the reality of the situation. Ultimately, though, I don't think it helps. I hope you find peace.

Wait, so Bubble chooses to tell us about her brothers suicide (on a public forum) which forms part of a debate for her justification for slating me, and others who have been in a similar position, yet when we try to defend ourselves and carry on the discussion we get told to fuck off and not discuss?

I'm confused. If you don;t want something to be discussed on a public forum then don't put it out there.

'I mistakenly thougjt posters would understand and leave me al9ne once I left the thread but no it has just been used as thread fodder.'

• As did I when I posted my original comment. But when i checked back I could see that people had been forming their own opinion of me and my situation (which at that point no one knew much about) and calling me awful rude names. If you put stuff on a open forum then that was what is going to happen Bubble - like it or not!

I don't doubt for one minute that you are finding it hard people discussing your brothers suicide or posting their own opinions about it and his situation, i didn't overly enjoy all the OW bashing or cheating slut comments, but guess what? People are entitled to their own opinion. And no one really knows the ins and out of others business or situations.

Hope you're ok Bubble

I did report the thread as I think this thread has gone in the opposite direction to how it was intended. Maybe MNHQ don't care?

MrsSapphire - My Mum is with my Stepdad as the result of an affair. I'm still friends with her, took a long while mind. My Dad's heart was ripped to shreds though. More so behind closed doors tbh. I was the one left to pick up the pieces when she left him. It was hard. Very hard. My Dad went for the OM in the fallout, he was fortunately restrained and no damage was done. I understand the OW anger in your case. Doesn't mean I agree with what she did. Violence is never acceptable, especially not to that extent. Glad your DS is happy anyway, that's the most important thing

Anyway, MNHQ, I really do think you should pull this thread. Bubble is clearly upset and you really do have a duty to your members to prevent any further damage in this case

Why should MN pull the thread?

Bubbles was the one who was namecalling. She shared something on a public forum, didn't get the reaction she wanted, no one has insulted her over what she shared. I think she should step away from the thread but to pull it is ridiculous

Hopefully Bubble has now really hidden the thread; it wasn't about her or her sad situation and posters have left her alone.

I don't think this thread should be pulled and I'm going to report to ask MN not to.

Of course the thread shouldn't be pulled. What a ridiculous suggestion.

In terms of the discussion itself, IME society does not have the reaction to affairs which commonly exists on Mn - not in the long-term anyway.

I grew up in a small town where affairs were common. Not only that, but it was common for the parties to end up together, their children etc to accept this fact, and for everyone to move on accordingly. And as far as I know, most of these couples are still together decades later.

Many affairs don't last, but some do, and if a marriage born out of an affair lasts longer than the original marriage which the affair ended, can we really say that the affair was just about someone e.g. Getting a cheap thrill? Clearly not.

\o/ waves to WannaBe, nice to see you back, you've been missed.