would you tell the other woman's husband

[lotti37]

My husband has had an online relationship with someone that works for him . They went away together and slept together. She moved 5 minutes away from where we live and I have to see her house everyday as I take my children to school. She makes me feel sick. She was actively after my husband but they are both to blame . She sent him videos of herself masturbating which I have kept copies and all her messages. I feel like she has ruined my life even though we are working things out. The fact she is carrying on as normal and her husband knows nothing . Should I tell him ? I hate the fact she lives so close and she reports into him.

I wouldn't tell. You're deflecting the blame onto the woman because it's easier to believe the evil woman lured him, than believe that your DH didn't have enough respect for you to keep away from her.

It might give you momentary pleasure, but longer term you'll want to look back and believe you acted with dignity.

I'm just curious as to why she has moved with her family five minutes from the man she pursued and had sex with. Seeing as you are trying to work things out with him, I'd probably let her know that if she doesn't tell her husband, then you will, and give her a deadline. I mean she's brought all this up again, because unless she's an idiot, she would have known where you both lived. And anyone that had any sense wouldn't move to that very area. That takes effort. She's up to something......

Seriously OP wise up. Your DH didn't do anything he didn't want to. I know you would love to think he is the victim but that is just complete bollox. Sorry babe; big hugs xxx

Yes tell him. Id want to know

Yes I would tell the ow's husband.

I would also tell everyone about my h and what he did.

Neither of them would get away with it.

I did just that. It was messy but I didn't see why I should be the only one holding up other people's mess.

Another vote for telling him. It's only fair he should know.

Yeah yeah tell her why not because there are no consequences to that at all

Sorry! Him!

I never understand these threads. Why wouldn't you? Why would you feel responsible for keeping their secret? They threw a bomb and its exploded. Why endlessly think 'shall I shan't I?' If you tell him then it's played out to the end. No more cards in your hand. No agonising. Just done and over.

Because what happens if they end up having to co parent? Yeah that's going to be productive if she exposes the situation.

Don't tell him. Not your place and a child is involved. Ignore her and focus on your own problem - you're married to a dickhead.

I normally say yes to this, but... you are clearly still hurting very much OP and if she lives so close I would be reluctant to unleash another shitstorm on your doorstep. You don't need the stress of that right now. Focus on yourself and coming to terms with your H betraying you. If when you feel more stable you still want to tell her H, the option will still be open, but for now focus on you.

Another consideration for me would be the work implication?
As her superior, could this negatively impact on his position? Is there any possibility of her seeking revenge by accusing him of forcing her to have a relationship or face the sack etc.

Obviously that's the sensible side of me, given the move, I'd be round there like a shot

I don't think you should tell him. Let the OW sweat it out, every time she sees you she will be shitting herself about whether you will tell. That's actually worse than giving her the relief of it coming out......she will always be wondering if and when you will tell. Or she could've already told her husband, you just don't know. You have the upper hand right now just by knowing. If the husband is supposed to find out, he will do without you being the one to tell him. That's just my opinion.

Does she know that you know?

Yes, tell him - neither of them deserve your loyalty and discretion, you have nothing to be ashamed of.

It is of course his relationship with you that he broke, but even though she owes you nothing she still knew he was married, with children, to you. That doesn't make her innocent or absolved of any blame, it means she's a bit of a cunt.

I have a dilemma like this. I don't know the ow or husband but could get in touch with him easily enough.

I wouldn't be doing it out of spite. I just feel he should know. I actually feel bad knowing about it when he doesn't (or maybe he does, I don't know). It's a very difficult position to be in.

Yes do it,

Would you want to know? I would. You only get one life and her poor husband is being made to live a lie.

I would print off the texts and photos of her masturbating and send them to her Husband at his workplace... he, like you, is innocent but what she is doing is unfair and does not deserve to play happy families knowing she has upset another family home....

The thing that strikes me here is that you're entirely blaming this woman for chasing your husband. Perhaps she did, but your husband happy went round to her house and had sex with her while her child was there! He did that..he did it! ..I think you're trying to punish her by telling her husband.

If it was me I was certainly want to know but I think you need to take some time and think about you're reasons and the consequences if you do go ahead with it.

Yes I would... if she was single then it would be different but she has a husband who deserves to know the situation.

Maybe I'd be a bit bitter unlike other people here who say rise above it, but why does she get to carry on with her happy life and get to move into your estate to rub it in and have you on pins?

I've done it and would do it again... but I'm if the opinion you fxck my life have some back but that doesn't make me a great person I know or this the best advice.

The quote earlier in the post that says if her husband knows her focus will be in him not your husband is food for though

Sorry obviously if she was single you wouldn't.. I mean not in a marriage when I say single

I have several long term married friends one has just celebrated her thirtieth wedding anniversary. I remember her brief affair it's irrelevant to their marriage now and their dc and dgc. You are just being spiteful and keeping those videos and texts with the intention of showing them is against the law. I understand your desire to ruin her life, it allows you to negate what your dh did but you really need to look at your own marriage and why you are behaving like this. Revenge rarely makes people happy and potentially destroying her marriage, devastating her child and getting yourself a well deserved criminal conviction doesn't sound very smart to me.