Babys dad wants the stuff back hes bought

[lexi873]

Hi,
Well the subject line says it all really, I am 30weeks pregnant and have had a very on/off turbulent relationship with babys dad.
We split up for good yesterday after he went through my phone and found messages from another man (an old school friend who has his own partner and child) but this was basically the last straw in a very controlling relationship that has seen me stop going out with friends and called names consistently.
Anyway, after this very nasty row the babys dad has screamed that as I text other men, our baby isn't his and he doesn't want anything to do with us, and he wants everything back that hes bought so far.
I have to say that he has paid for almost everything all the clothes, blankets, bottles, steriliser, pram the lot. If he takes it all back I am left with just about nothing for our son.
Things have become even worse today and hes said he'll be at my door at 6pm for all the things, and will kick the door in if he has to, to which I said ill phone the police if I feel threatened and he said "they will give me it all back anyway its my property as I paid for it!"
Is this true? Do I really have to hand over hundreds of pounds worth of stuff he bought for our son that he said hes "going to burn" anyway ?? Surely this cant be allowed as its pure spite.
please help

Give up Offred

Some people won't be told and it can't be doing your blood pressure any good

The OP has never said that he has threatened her or the baby and whilst he may display some concerning behaviour he hasn't done anything physical.

Looking at both sides of the story, he has happily bought lots of baby things for their baby. He just found out that she has been talking to another man and he's angry. Most of what he said sounds like reactionary anger. (. And very childish)

Whilst I would cover the bases and have someone with me, pre warm the police. I dont think we should say he's a murderer.

No, because of this poster's experience;

I did what you suggested, I didn't call the police because I didn't want to deal with all that drama... You know what happened ? After a while, my ex was waiting for me to come out of my house (I didn't see him) and assaulted me in broad daylight (the man had no shame)...police was called, social services got involved and the fact that I didn't notify the police about my ex's threats etc, was used against me.

SS consider your suggestions to be a failure to safeguard your children...

soubtiquez. Told what? I can read, I just don't agree and think it's over the top. And don't do well with sly remarks.

The OP has never said that he has threatened her or the baby and whilst he may display some concerning behaviour he hasn't done anything physical.

Richard, he told OP he would kick her door in. If that's not a threat of physical aggression, then I'm not sure what is.

What has this got to do with the OP ? Irrelevant

As I don't know who I'm talking to I can only assume there's some bitterness from past experiences. I'm sorry this has tarnished your views of men in general

It just sounds like a threat from an angry immature idiot. I'm not saying ignore him, but he's not a wife killer yet.

Sly remarks? I mean it, I am genuinely concerned that your attitudes put you and your dc at risk, probably that is worse.

And once he kicks the door in as he has threatened what then Richard?

If the OP attempts to stop him taking stuff do you really see him just saying "oh okay then" and walking away....no he has already been emotionally and psychologically abusive. Nothing the OP has posted makes me think he WON'T become physically abusive if pushed.

She has had messages from a man who is married....perhaps he is a work colleague, perhaps an old friend but to a controlling nutter it will always mean "she is cheating".

Fuck him ...if he is the father then this baby stuff is in lieu of the maintenance payments he won't be making while he ties the OP up in knots with DNA testing or threats to take the baby away.

Sometimes I fucking hate men....abusive fuckers some of them.

If you read my post I did suggest prewarning the police and also having someone present.

This is the list of risky behaviours btw. For anyone who is interested in why exactly people in the OP's situation should not treat this as 'immature' and 'childish' behaviour. You can't unkill yourself but nothing much bad will happen to anyone if you take the 'just in case' route.

I read the list he hasn't really done any of them?

She is breaking up with him.
She said he's controlling but didn't quantify it.

He is extremely jealous and possessive. This characteristic becomes even more worrisome when he appears to be obsessive, constantly keeping her at the center of his thoughts and appearing to be unable to conceive of life without her. He has, for example, made statements such as, “If I can’t have you, nobody will.”

She is taking steps to end the relationship, or has already done so.

He has exhibited extreme behaviors when his current partner or past partners have made attempts to leave him.

Don't worry about me Hun. Just continue with your research into the psychology of men. Just be sure you can spot the signs yourself because you never know. Someone could say they hate you, but maybe a sign that they maybe just about to commit murder. Thanks for the love, anyway

The list is a list of 'Factors that should be taken particularly seriously'

Wow just wow

Omg are you ladies being serious.

Please go back and read the OP.

This isn't a Hollywood movies.

Do you ladies even like the opposite sex?

Do you think this kind of behaviour is manly Jodie?

Not all men are abusive you know.

I don't think your behaviour is normal.

As for the other questions, if you actually read anything other than irrelevant snippets about abusive men you would know my answer.

Stick to the topic and this scenario. You are shamefully drifting and it sounds quite bitter and anti-male.

Why are you telling me that men aren't all abusers. I've been trying to enlighten you on that fact 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈

Ahhh, you always know when a poster repeatedly calls other posters "Ladies" exactly where they are coming from.

WOW up until the 'he wants the things back' I could've sworn you were describing my ex! (And baby's dad).

He won't get any of it back unless you decide to give it back to him. No one can force you to hand over the baby stuff. He's being so petty, wtf is he gonna do with a load of baby stuff anyway hahaha. Guys are morons sometimes!

In my (personal) experience and opinion, he is using the baby things as a way to still see you and have contact with you. If you give the things to him I don't think he'll leave you alone, he'll just find something else to text you about and shout about.

Call 101, ask for advice and DONT answer the phone to him. Keep everything you and him say via text so you have evidence.

How is it anti-male?

It is anti-abuser. For your logic to apply you would have to believe that all men are abusive and that being abusive is just the same as being a man.

Indeed Chipping.

"desperate women" too.