Babys dad wants the stuff back hes bought

[lexi873]

Hi,
Well the subject line says it all really, I am 30weeks pregnant and have had a very on/off turbulent relationship with babys dad.
We split up for good yesterday after he went through my phone and found messages from another man (an old school friend who has his own partner and child) but this was basically the last straw in a very controlling relationship that has seen me stop going out with friends and called names consistently.
Anyway, after this very nasty row the babys dad has screamed that as I text other men, our baby isn't his and he doesn't want anything to do with us, and he wants everything back that hes bought so far.
I have to say that he has paid for almost everything all the clothes, blankets, bottles, steriliser, pram the lot. If he takes it all back I am left with just about nothing for our son.
Things have become even worse today and hes said he'll be at my door at 6pm for all the things, and will kick the door in if he has to, to which I said ill phone the police if I feel threatened and he said "they will give me it all back anyway its my property as I paid for it!"
Is this true? Do I really have to hand over hundreds of pounds worth of stuff he bought for our son that he said hes "going to burn" anyway ?? Surely this cant be allowed as its pure spite.
please help

No you are naive if you think giving things back is what makes an abuser go away

Instead it gives them more ammo and more power

Eventually, yes Jodie, but it would take some time. As long as the OP is consistent, keeps on refusing to engage with the BF, calls the police and so forth. The abuser will get bored and will most likely find its next victim.

It took me a year to get rid of ex.

If felt threaten by someone, I would NEVER want to give them a reason to get back in contact with me.

But giving back the baby's stuff WILL NOT MAKE HIM GO AWAY. He doesn't want the things back,he wants control and to be able to dictate how difficult OP's life is. She gives him this, then he'll demand X, then Y, then Z.

Jodie the BF doesn't care about the stuff. It doesn't matter if OP gives back the stuff or not. It's all about control and if OP doesn't stop this now (e.g. Not calling the police, blah blah) it would be something else and it will get worse.

Your BF is pathetic OP, if his like this now... I bet you he would be like "you were rude to me on Saturday, so I'm not going to see the baby on Thursday". Urgh, sounds so much like my ex..his showing his true colours op. Get rid, get rid, get rid.

Omg don't be desperate women.

I'm not saying don't involve the authorities, granted but why think up a plan before hand. Why not clean house and then you know he has no reason ask anything of you.

Obviously he is childish (pick better next time) but who would want that to be your first memories of your child.

Ooh I will tell what he will do next. He will be the guy who drops their child off without any clothes, because he does not want the mother to benefit from that. You have to show them that you can do better without them. Put the ball back in your court.

Send him packing, ultimately him will be the one who has to face you with his tail between his legs.

And no I'm not missing the point, the OP say he said he would do that if she does not have his things ready for him. Doesn't sound like victim/abuse to me, threat yes!

I really don't care, you all sound a bit desperate.

You sound really quite dangerously naive about abusive men.

And no, what you need to do is protect yourself and your child from a man who has more than one of the, research backed, warning signs of being a man who kills his partner.

desperate women

No. We are realistic

I'm no way naive, just that my energy is bested place elsewhere.

Sounds like you like the sound of words and just use them. No one actually knows where he is an abusiver just that he did the "or else" thing. That's a threat, nothing else

Have you even read the OP?!?!?

Interesting split of opinions.

I would be tempted to give it back and tell him to fuck off very clearly. I can see how people think this would be weak and giving him control. On the other hand it could be a clear message that OP can and will do this alone.

I would probably ring 101 and ask their advise and see if anyone could be at the house at six. I would make sure I had someone with me. I would record him if he's aggressive as you may need evidence in the future.

I'm a bit on the fence but it's going to niggle at him that he has spent all that money and I would be worried that he won't stop until he gets what he wants. I think if he turned up I would return it and make it very clear he was not to harass me any further or I would call the police.

Do you know his mum?

I envy your naivety Jodie I really do.

And your idea seems to be to waste a lifetime and your children's childhoods playing a pointless and dangerous game of one upmanship with an abusive man.

Yes, doing it this way requires a greater effort to start but in the long term it stands a better chance of getting you away from an abuser who will drain you and ruin your life.

Did you guys make up? Are you back together with him now, op?

It went from he's a childish prick asking for his things back to omg he's a narcissist/voilent/abusiver. Perspective ladies

Well the subject line says it all really, I am 30weeks pregnant and have had a very on/off turbulent relationship with babys dad.
We split up for good yesterday after he went through my phone and found messages from another man (an old school friend who has his own partner and child) but this was basically the last straw in a very controlling relationship that has seen me stop going out with friends and called names consistently.
Anyway, after this very nasty row the babys dad has screamed that as I text other men, our baby isn't his and he doesn't want anything to do with us, and he wants everything back that hes bought so far.
I have to say that he has paid for almost everything all the clothes, blankets, bottles, steriliser, pram the lot. If he takes it all back I am left with just about nothing for our son.
Things have become even worse today and hes said he'll be at my door at 6pm for all the things, and will kick the door in if he has to, to which I said ill phone the police if I feel threatened and he said "they will give me it all back anyway its my property as I paid for it!

So this man who is convinced the OP has cheated, who has been controlling to the point where he calls her names and stopped her going out, is simply going to walk away with the stuff he bought for his baby and never been seen again?

No way. He is just getting started

Have you read the OP Jodie?

Yep I did read it. She said nothing about him threatening to hurt her or their child just smashing the windows/door etc....so? Not every situations needs to be view as the worse case scenario. People chat a lot of shit.

It really is not naivety. It's just that I have pride and would never want anyone like that have a reason to harass me. My first priory would be my child and not teaching someone obviously cannot be taught a lesson.

Maybe he will take the things and then return to seek access to the child. But we all have a conscientious he will feel quite silly when he's asked why he's here since he doesn't feel it's his child and he's taken the things back. Then he has not been put on the child's birth certificate (his choice entirely)

What do you think of the extremely controlling behaviour and the verbal abuse the OP mentions?

Seriously, if you think these things she has mentioned in her OP are minor and childish I wonder what is going on in your life and worry about the safety of your children.

So he's out the door now..........he cannot say anything to her now, right? Unless she want to play tug of war for the things.

Plus when I originally read the OP I thought it was a classic case of an excuse to leave. Pathetic really but it's her life. A bit extreme to say this instant draws parallels with man who kill their partners. Who is to say who's at risk. He just sounds childish and selfish and I would probably be a bad remodel for his son, but who's to say

It is not extreme. It is based on research into men who kill their partners. Maybe you should read it...

And if you are willingly entering into battles with men like these, I'm sure you no longer have parental responsibility for yours.

Are you reading the same post?

Where did she say he was physically violent towards her?

What are you saying?

I never used to word minor, I asked you to put the information into perspective.

Well what would you call asking for your own child baby things back? Not childish? Maybe it's not a dramatic enough word for you.

Why would you be concerned about my children, if I would never entertain someone like that? Hmmmmmmmm. Oooh just in case I come across someone of sort and can't spot the signs, don't be silly. Maybe I need 24hr protection just in case 😂

Nice...