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Original poster

Babys dad wants the stuff back hes bought

235 replies

lexi873 · 15/11/2016 12:52

Hi,
Well the subject line says it all really, I am 30weeks pregnant and have had a very on/off turbulent relationship with babys dad.
We split up for good yesterday after he went through my phone and found messages from another man (an old school friend who has his own partner and child) but this was basically the last straw in a very controlling relationship that has seen me stop going out with friends and called names consistently.
Anyway, after this very nasty row the babys dad has screamed that as I text other men, our baby isn't his and he doesn't want anything to do with us, and he wants everything back that hes bought so far.
I have to say that he has paid for almost everything all the clothes, blankets, bottles, steriliser, pram the lot. If he takes it all back I am left with just about nothing for our son.
Things have become even worse today and hes said he'll be at my door at 6pm for all the things, and will kick the door in if he has to, to which I said ill phone the police if I feel threatened and he said "they will give me it all back anyway its my property as I paid for it!"
Is this true? Do I really have to hand over hundreds of pounds worth of stuff he bought for our son that he said hes "going to burn" anyway ?? Surely this cant be allowed as its pure spite.
please help

OP posts:

adora1 · 15/11/2016 15:34

Tell him to fuck off, and give him fuck all, he is full of baloney, if he does turn up at your door, just call the police.

Simonneilsbeard · 15/11/2016 15:35

I don't think the police will care about the stuff either..can he prove he bought it? what an utter prick!!
I'd be inclined to give everything back and try and start on my own ..you won't need expensive things. That man is not someone I would want round my child! What happens in a few years if he throws another tantrum? Will he take all the kids Christmas presents away? This is the kind of man I would want far far away from me and my child x

Shiningexample · 15/11/2016 15:37

He has no claim over gifts, just wants to intimidate and control you
cut him out of your life asap
to quote a poster on another thread
'YOU BAD MAN, GO AWAY BAD MAN'
get rid!

Suninseptember · 15/11/2016 15:40

I strongly agree with Shallichangemyname

SilentBiscuits · 15/11/2016 15:41

Text him saying you've called 101 and they have told you he has no claim on the gifts. Add that you have logged your address with them and they are on alert for a call from you if he turns up.

expatinscotland · 15/11/2016 15:50

I'd keep it. Wouldn't bother me a lick if it came from him. It's good stuff for the baby and the baby needs it.

I would never put that man on the birth certificate, though.

shopaholic999 · 15/11/2016 16:16

I tend with agree with those saying hand it back and get rid completely.

My mum used to do stuff like this, although not with baby things. Used to gift stuff to me and either ask for it back or throw it back in my face. I turned down a holiday of a lifetime because of this reason.

The less people have a hold over you the better as you end up being more in control.

Pisssssedofff · 15/11/2016 16:58

Ffs keep the stuff, you need it. It'll be the last contribution you get from him no doubt. Then ignore him completely, he won't like that at all. Best revenge ever, remove his power. He does not go on the birth certificate

Boolovessulley · 15/11/2016 17:14

Whatever you do with the stuff I would cease all contact with him.
Block his number and refuse to communicate with him.
Communicating with him will make him worse.

SandyY2K · 15/11/2016 17:14

I wouldn't give it back to him on the basis he thinks it's not his child. I'd tell him that once the baby is born he can do a paternity test which you know will show him it's his child.

If by some miracle it's not his, then he can have the stuff back.

SandyY2K · 15/11/2016 17:19

The police have far better things to do than come out and deal with this kind of thing. These are basically items bought for his unborn child. Nothing has changed, in that the child is still his.

Was there anything suggestive in the text messages with the other man?

Janey50 · 15/11/2016 17:20

Yes I agree with previous posters call 101 and ask their advice before anything kicks off. Personally,I think the police would take a pretty dim view of a man threatening a pregnant woman. And I don't think there's much they can do tbh,it's probably a civil matter. I had an incident a few years ago when I was in a relationship with an alcoholic. He was hopeless with money,so he had given me his debit/cash card so I could dish out money to him on a daily basis. This system worked fine for several months until,one evening,he turned up off his face,in a coffee shop,demanding money (to buy more drink presumably). I had no more cash until the following day (I was on IB at the time) and I had already given him all his money,plus some of mine,that he said I could take from his bank when he was next paid). Anyway,he started going lairy when I wouldn't/couldn't cooperation with his demands,and demanded I give him his cash card,which no way was I going to do as I knew I probably wouldn't get my money back. While he was shooting his mouth off in the high street,2 coppers happened to be walking past. They came over pretty smartly,and stopped him from trying to walk off and the whole 'sorry' tale came out. Even though he was doing the 'poor little me I've got no money and she won't give me my cash card' act,they were not very sympathetic towards him. Their attitude was that it was a matter between him and me,he admitted he had willingly given me the card,I hadn't stolen it from him. They could only act if I had stolen it from him. So I would imagine it would be the same principle in your case OP. Hope everything turns out OK.

Whocansay · 15/11/2016 17:23

It's a gift. For the baby. Keep it. If he turns up, call the police. Go through CSA once the baby is born and don't put him on the birth certificate. Communicate through a 3rd party if he can't be civil.

I think it's nonsense to say if you don't give the stuff back, he will have a hold over you. You have a child together. If he is a controlling bastard, that is going to be the hold he has over you, not a load of stuff from Mothercare. So you might as well keep it, because he will only move on to something else anyway.

Milklollies · 15/11/2016 18:07

I second all the calls that he not be put on the certificate

Redcrayons · 15/11/2016 18:09

I'd box it all up and leave it out for him.

It would take the wind out of his sails as he's expecting a fight. He probably won't even take it.

toptoe · 15/11/2016 18:14

If you are frightened or worried he's going to carry out his threat and break in to forcibly remove the stuff, I think the police will want to know. In fact, it's best they know because if he does anything nasty later on it will be on record he made threats whilst you were pregnant.

Also, let your family know so someone can come and keep you company.

MagicSocks · 15/11/2016 18:36

That is your baby's stuff. Don't be bullied into giving it away. He hasn't got a leg to stand on.

luckylucky24 · 15/11/2016 19:31

Did he show op?

Hope your okay.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/11/2016 20:01

I think that giving the stuff back without argument would really piss him off - I suspect he is hoping for a fight, for the chance to intimidate the OP, for her to beg him for the stuff for the baby.

If he turns up and it is all boxed up, waiting on the doorstep, and he doesn't get to be the big, aggressive man scaring the woman, this will take the wind right out of his sails and leave him completely wrongfooted.

timeisnotaline · 15/11/2016 22:54

Keep the stuff and definitely call the police. You don't know that giving him the stuff would get rid of him , and I think it's a valuable opportunity to start logging stuff with the police before you are super vulnerable from having just given birth.

SandyY2K · 16/11/2016 00:03

I would love to see him in front of Judge Judy, trying to explain his reasoning.

Indeed. She'd eat him and spit him out.

JodieB12 · 16/11/2016 01:06

Ffs give the prick his stuff back. Why on hell would you try desperately to hold on to something from a man like that?

Something similar happened to me when I was pregnant with my dd. Her dad had been giving me money to put away for her pushchair, then after an argument asked for it all back. Well, I've never seen a person so lost for words when I went into the other room and throw the cash on his lap (£600 in total) along with his marching orders. Funnily enough, it was him begging me to keep the money at the end of that argument.

OP, all the dramas of police, calling 101 etc really isn't worth it when you are pregnant and dealing his these types of men. Ok it's a gift, but ask yourself what will it be next time? Ok it's bad of him, but he's a bad person. You really need to have some pride and take back the power.

This is a basic rule we are all taught as children in any situation. If someone gives you a gift then asks for it back, give it back, just don't taken anything off them again. I know you are all thinking, but it's for his baby. So? What does that tell you about the person? Yep, he would probably do the same thing to his own mother lol RED FLAG!

Joysmum · 16/11/2016 07:48

Giving the stuff back is a small price to pay to sever this arsehole from your life.

Keeping it gives him power over you and your emotions and a sense of entitlement.

I struggle to see why anyone would want to keep the stuff when that the price you'd have to pay

FoofFighter · 16/11/2016 08:03

This needs logging for the future when he takes you to court, everything that happens now, get it logged

Offred · 16/11/2016 09:27

He wants the stuff back so he can tell people that you know it isn't his baby.

He has no right to get the stuff back and if he does come round kicking off that will, in a way, help you because then you should call the police and his abusive behaviour will be on record.

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