Ohdearme.. We all have our own coping mechanisms. It might appear that I find comfort in his predicament, it is merely moral justice.
He has consistently treated both myself , and his children with utter contempt.
I have spent the best part of thirty years supporting him, the best part of twenty years being a stay at home mum. Because we are not married he has walked off with everything, except my half share in the house.
He refuses to acknowledge even a moral responsability to myself. He has consistently insisted he will only include his children if they included his friend, who is only a couple of years older than our children.
I invited him to visit on our son's birthday to try and build the bridge between them. He turned if into a manipulation to try and coerse me to agree to sell the house. Even suggesting he would take legal action. We found out she (predictably) has left, got bored.
Our children are stable, settled, with less than two years to go until they finish further education. My son suffered a meltdown at his father's abandonment. I virtually had to give up part time work to ensure he was safe. I was in the middle of a university course and now have a new career.
I have been on antidepressants, had counselling, considered taking my own life on many occassions.
I am only inviting him to the house for our children's sake. He needs to know he has given up everything that is really important, family. Once he has come, and gone, it is up to them to work it out between them, not down to me.
I might appear to be callous, and "rubbing it in", but over the last 18 months we have been through absolute hell. He has bought himself a house...
And is trying to negotiate us out of ours.
So, no, he is not getting cake.
We all cope as best we can, and some of us are prepared to be civil for our children's sake. But when this is manipulated, we fight back, to the best of our ability.
I'm glad you have understanding, but not all of us do.
Not looking forward to tomorrow, but it needs to be done, for our children.
Xx