Online dating...... where have all the good men gone? Thread 110.

[Evilwater]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

A couple of things to add..

One guy messaged me asking did I mind that he was married. I asked, are you cheating on your wife? He replied, our marriage is dead, I just haven't moved out yet. Turns out they moved house 4 weeks ago. Why would you sell your home and buy a bigger one if your marriage was over and you were living as sister and brother? Pah!

Also, one guy in my town was displaying willie pics (they are allowed on this particular site) hard and soft, and his real name. I googled him and turns out he is a well known local photographer and he and I have 25 mutual friends on Facebook. I was astonished that a man would display willie pics without anonymity! If I meet him in Tesco I would blush!

Thanks Pringle for the welcome. I did read the rules. Thank you for reassuring me that even slim women are faced with an array of freaks, perverts and unavailables!

I am using a PC and I checked out Bumble and found it was an app for phones. Hmmm that is awkward, I am not good on the phone. Mind you, I do have an android tablet, but it is sometimes used by another person and I do NOT want that person knowing that I am on a dating app.

Can anyone give me the names of some free or reasonable dating sites for the PC not phone? I am on POF and cupid, olderdatingonline, friendfinder, twoo, bbwdatefinder and bbpeoplemeet. Also adultpartyplace but I think that is supposed to be for sex contacts.

ROSEANNE1958 Were the photos at least impressive...? The lack of shame surprises me too!

Yes, Bumble is a smartphone app so not everyone on this thread is using it, but the people who have downloaded it seem to be getting on well with it. I am using POF with varying results. There are some awful awful men on that site. A few interesting ones.

I hate eHarmony - you have to pay a lot to do anything meaningful. And having borrowed a friend's lapsing subscription, it's not even worth paying for IMHO.

I've never tried Lovestruck, but that one always sounded interesting to me.

Are you near a big town, or are you more limited in your pool of men?

Hopefully one of the other ladies (or our resident non-crazy man Bant) has some suggestions for you. I haven't branched out very far yet myself.

I'm in Hastings. So when setting a radius, south is out as it's the English Channel!

I will try Lovestruck.

I was shocked to my core when I filled out my profile with eHarmony, clicked "next" and received THIS message.

I joined lovestruck and did a search for men in my area aged 47 to 65. There are exactly four and one of them won't date a woman as old as me so that leaves 3. Bloody hell!

Hi. long time lurker on this thread and the whole of MN. But I'm so confused and I dont know if I'm a terrible person or not.

I'm stuck between two guys i met on POF. number one is lovely, we've had two very nice dates and is a gent, pays for everything, doesnt mind coming to the city i live in for dates while i'm looking for a job and conversation between dates tends to steer to what i'm doing and how i am. but he's too lovely. theres been no physical contact at all (not even a hug at the end of a date) and i know i need someone who's more physical. he also keeps reminding me i'm 5 years younger than him. I'm early 20's, just from dropping out of uni and no career direction, he's late 20's in a good career and starting to get his life settled. There are also other small differences like that he doesnt drink, whereas i do, that shouldnt be such an issue but seem like they are.

Number two is my age, have been on one date and been chatting for two weeks online constantly. he lives an hour train journey away which i cant afford to pay for atm but we got on really well until last weekend when conversation died down a bit. He split up from a long distance ex of 3 years about 6 weeks ago and i'm not sure he's over it. We get on really well chatting but when i first me him i didnt initially fancy him, i could tell he fancied me though and when he tried to make a move to kiss me i blocked his face with my hand because i'm bloody awkward and cant do anything right.

so after that essay i basically dont know if i'm doing wrong by dating both of them for now (neither one knows about the other) or what to do about either one. OLD is bloody hard!

beena you are not a terrible person! I think it's sensible to have a few irons on the go until something becomes more serious. It sounds like neither is the perfect fit from what you say so I would look for other irons too. I'd also be wary of someone only 6 weeks out of a LTR. I'd been seeing someone 3.5 years out of a LTR and it transpired they were still emotionally attached.

Evil re your bingo post - did I miss something? Bad date?

Can I ask some advice please?

Yesterday's date ended with him saying 'let's keep in touch' which my friend reckons is the same as saying he's not interested.

I like him though! He hasn't messaged since so I'm guessing she's right but I'm thinking of messaging him on the off chance he's shy/ I was giving out weird signals. Am I clutching at straws?

I was thinking of something along the lines of' I enjoyed meeting you yesterday and I don't think I thanked you for buying me lunch in the chaos of moving tables. Hope you got to xxxx ( his activity) despite the rain. Let me know if you'd like to meet up again'

What do you think? Too desperate? Should I wait a bit longer?

I know- don't get over invested- but he is the only OLD in 5 months that I've actually fancied!

Roseanne welcome to the thread wow you do seem to have your share of weirdos! Keep going, it really is the proverbial needle in a haystack but we all support each other and try to laugh at the odd bods.

If it makes you feel any better, I'm very slim and petit, reasonably attractive and have been disappeared on several times after meeting, asked fetish questions loads, been blocked, insulted and lied to loads. It's normal sadly. Not just you!

beena also welcome. Not bad at all, most of us start out chatting to then meeting a few irons because you need to test them and see what chemistry is like before choosing one, if either!

So, the guy I've been seeing for a few weeks rang me yesterday to tell me he's met someone else he wants to give it a go with. Meh. I wasn't heavily invested emotionally, and really our schedules/locations weren't a great fit for meeting more than once a week, but still not a great feeling...
So I signed up to Bumble last night and quickly realised why I found it so easy to stop OLD while seeing this guy... not sure I can be bothered with it! But I'll give it a go in the hope it will give my confidence a boost and maybe feel more ready in the New Year.
Hope everyone has a good day on Bumble

clawdean I don't think there's anything wrong with that message because either way at least you will know. I did similar with an iron a few weeks ago and although it came back as a no, I was able to move on and not think "what if..."

Thanks crazy. Yes, hearing a 'no' is hard but for me the not knowing takes up far more headspace! At least you think the message doesn't sound too desperate. I'll wait until lunchtime and send it then so it doesn't look like he was the first thing on my mind when I woke up!

Sounds perfect clawdean good luck!

Can I ask a question? I texted Cutie last night and told him drunkenly... after answering his questions and chatting on Tinder that:-

"Have to say I am getting distracted by how damned cute you are or should that be attractive?" (he already knows I think he's cute etc...)

Would that put a man off?

and Widower when should I push for meeting him it's been since end September we have been chatting he wants to meet but lives in Surrey and can find it hard to get childcare but he can get it and is in London a few times a month (when he suggested meeting before).

Clawdeen the message is fine he will either reply with yes or no.

beena I agree with consensus - good to have a few irons on the go until you decide.

Roseanne welcome - not much to add - phone dating apps can be useful. It is a minefield out there though!

doingsomething would be good if you were in London not sure if they cover Hastings. basically you suggest something to do. you pay to send messages.

superfly if you've been chatting that long he needs to shit or get off the pot as it were! Were not on these apps for pen pals so I'd ask him to arrange a date now!

Good luck Clawdeen - hope he gets back to you!
Welcome Roseann and good luck
Superfly that is the sort of thing I do too

I have had 7 bumble matchy things. I have sent a message to 5 so far, and one replied back very soon after, and he looks nice. See if he replies again. 2 first messages still to formulate. Some of the messages I sent were a little witty, which may make them run for the hills. Oh well.

Bumble is going slowly for me (3 but one hasn't replied to my first message) but I just have one photo in dull light. Need to add more.

Clawdeen yes send the message. Nothing lost in trying. Then I'd give him one day to answer.

Roseanne sounds like you've seen the worst of OLD so far. I've been on OLD sites for 4 months and haven't had any amazing moments, or slow burners really. Still waiting and chatting. My problem is it sounds good but when we meet they often seem to have unresolved issues with an ex.

I have a second date with LukeWarm from a week or so ago. He is not very forthcoming in his communication by text however... and I have been here before!

We are meeting for coffee Saturday. I am taking my thick skin with me.

Looks like I'm going in a date with mr friendzone. We are trying to find a date, and time.

Sorry for not replying to the thread.

Does anyone else get days where they are like a dog in heat?

Oh Evil frequently!! I think for me it's the aftermath of a sexless marriage, I've gone too far the other way but there's not much I can do about it.
It's led me to make some less than sensible decisions recently but I've had some fun and am hoping that I'm learning something about myself at the same time.
Sorry, that probably doesn't help much!!

Back again, I think the wine got the better of me last night and put me in a bit of a panic, but thank you for everyone telling me I'm not a terrible person haha!

I think I'm going to give each one another chance and see from there, though both of them mentioned their ex's at some point today which was a little off-putting..

Evil, yup I recognise the dog on heat description. I hadn't had sex for many months and my confidence was starting to bounce back. I was horny!! Also, it was lovely to feel desirable again and to desire someone else. Enjoy it!!

I had a date last night. We'd had to reschedule once because of childcare issues, but I drove over to near hers and we sat in a pub and chatted and made each other laugh (I'll never think it's worth a second date if they don't make me laugh on the first date). But I asked her for a second date during the first date, which I should have learned not to do as refusal often offends :) but she said yes.

Wasn't quite as attractive as her pictures but it's rare for anyone to. I've learned to always trust the worst photo, never the best one. She was better than her worst one.

Quick kiss in the car park and we're arranging the next date when we're both free.