Online dating...... where have all the good men gone? Thread 110.

[Evilwater]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Bant If you want a second date, I absolutely think you should ask during the date. Go you. Here's an even better second date.

Pictures are difficult. The two guys I've met both do look like and don't look like their photos, if you know what I mean. It's very hard to capture someone's true likeness in 2D.

Apparently I don't look like my photos. I don't purposefully try to put something fake online but I think there is also such a thing as being more attractive in person because of your voice or your body language. I'm not slim or particularly you know, Instagram gorgeous (I have fluctuating skin) but I get told I am sexy

Mr Shy didn't wow me visually initially but not only is he lovely, he has a really sexy voice. I love it 😍

Great update Bant! Here's to a good second date..

I don't find many men look like their photos! I have had one time where he looked way better but mostly they dont look as good looking or not, so much worse as different

I have my first date tonight with mrunsuitable looking forward to meeting him after a few weeks of chatting but hoping I actually don't fancy him on account of his unsuitability

Great news Bant, hope the second date is a success!

I have had a few more bumble matches, bit disappointed about 2 POF ones that I was talking to that went quiet. Not sure whether I talk too much. If they are messaging back and forth when they make contact should you keep doing it (I was) or play it a bit more cool? . One has his daughter this week so not sure if he will get in touch after or if he has vanished. Oh well, I would have quite liked to meet him to see whether we clicked.

I have a few more bumble people to send a first message to but I am worried about doing something wrong/replying too quickly these days.

arggghhh.

Lastnick can he change his unsuitable qualities if he wanted to i.e. really fancies you?

Bumble still on 3 only. I haven't replaced my photo as I'm in regular contact with two strong options now using Whats App. Both friendly, funny, photos look like my type, professional jobs, DCs similar ages to mine. Really want to meet them both but think it may be next weekend and on same day. Grr like buses wait around then two arrive. Will the one I pick breakdown after 2 min? 😂😂

Hope you all don't mind me popping in.

Not OLD but at work. A guy has really been making an effort in pursuing me. Going out of his way to talk to me daily (he's usually very introverted), asking loads of questions about what I like etc, making me laugh, giving compliments yada-yada-yada. This doesn't happen often so felt really good.

I find out today that he's married. He must have had me lined up to be an OW. I'm gutted and feel a right fool. Why do some men do this?

Bunkai because they aren't happy and, rather than work at it or leave their partner, they'd like a soft OW's pillow to fall onto. At least that's what my experience has shown me.

...why not try OLD instead?

Hi Been lurking on here a while. Just wanted to ask you if you all find that the men who describe themselves as "self-employed" never actually seem to do any work. Is self employed just code for unemployed?

Bunkai sorry looked at my post and thought it may have looked like I was blaming you, which I wasn't as you did right thing and walked away. Horrible that he led you on.

Thisis I thought that and ignore messages from self employed men unless they clearly say what it is that they do early on.

Hello All
this thread moves sooooo quickly! I am a teacher and had the inspectors in this week so have not even thought about OLD, but have spent this evening trying to catch up, sounds like Bumble is working really well!
I had my 5th meeting/date with Mr Beard last weekend - well, he came round to mine and watched a movie as I was done in after work.
However - still no action, not even a kiss....confused.... he has had a crappy cold, but still. I can sense he is quite nervous too.
we did curl up a bit on the sofa + had a hug/cuddle which was really nice, but still...Not sure what to do as I am also not very forward and came out of a sexless marriage with quite battered self confidence. I did drink last weekend too (he doesn't drink) for dutch courage, but, nope. He has been a bit more forward/flirty in messages recently.
He is really thoughtful, messages me every day, and we have lots in common in terms of interests, music, movies etc and I think I need to reserve a spot in O.I's corner really.
I have had a few other messages on OKC, but just some really seedy ones, nothing that interests me.
I'm not sire whether to disable that account + go for it on Bumble or give Mr Beard a little more time. I'm also not sure I have time to meet more than one person at a time . Sorry if rambling, it has been a really long week!
I hope some fabulous dates are happening this evening.

Ah thanks lilac. I didn't read your post like that. Feel better after my little vent.

I did try OLD for a bit but didn't like it. I need to have an emotional connection before I fancy someone. Oh well at least I found out sooner rather than later.

hygge after 5 dates I'd have to move into either friend zone or a bit of passion! You definately need a snog by now. I suggest either asking him by message if he feels it is friend or more, maybe if you feel brave ask if he finds you attractive etc? Or go in for the kiss when you next say goodbye?

My date went surprisingly well with mrunsuitable last night
I don't know whether I'm happy we had such a lovely time and I fancied him way more than I expected or worried because I was kind of hoping not to on account of the long list of reasons it's not likely to go anywhere! Gah...

We met in London under the clock at Waterloo, mulled cider by the river and walked through the Christmas market and all the beautiful lights. Went into a posh bar and drank probably too much fancy red wine and then just managed to catch the last train home. We had some rather lovely snogging goodbye on the station platform too I think that may have been me, he was a little reserved and I wasn't sure if he fancied me or not so I just snogged him in my tipsy state but he didn't appear to complain

Hoping he asks to see me again, even if he does live 2 hours away...and is younger than me, no kids, travels a lot, smokes when I don't and alllll the other stuff that made him "probably unsuitable"

Good job LastNickName sounds like a great night

Lastnick I like your confidence and wish I had more.
I have to wait until I see signs before I do anything. I have sent ever so slightly suggestive messages more recently, but even then I'm nervous!

Hyyg I could easily get into your situation. I think the advice of saying that you know you like each other, does he see it as friends or possibly more may help. Through a message would give him time to think. Also, does he add kisses to his messages?

lastnicknamefree Sounds like you had a great date, hope you get another one lined up soon.

Is anyone else getting OLD fatigue? I have a first date lined up with Mr IT tomorrow, he seems relatively sweet and fun, but I'm already dubious as to whether we'll click.

After not replying to me for days, Mr Too Good To Be True sent me a message and I thought 'Yeah, I can't be be bothered with this.' I've also let all my Bumble matches time out and I have two men who have connected with me on CMB who I can't summon the enthusiasm up to talk to.

It just seems like so much effort to meet yet another person who probably will take one look and me and decide there's no point.

As much as the idea terrifies me, I know Lovestruck do real life dating events where you can talk to people IRL. The biggest problem I'm finding with OLD is that you have to invest part of your self until you meet and then at least one of you realises the spark isn't there and never will be. IRL, it takes you 30 seconds to realise if it's worth your while chatting.

Hi all - promise I'll catch up properly - seem to have missed loooads!!
I had my sort of date with my RL guy last night. OMG. It was fricking AWEsome. It was very definitely a date. In fact I've just dropped him off
I think I might be in a proper relationship. I've known him for years and years, and I though there'd always been a frisson, but we were always one of us in a relationship.
He's pretty fricking brilliant. I don't think I'm OI but you never know I guess. He's said he wants this to be something and we've planned more dates.

I would Never have even come across him on OLD - he's slightly older than my settings and on the cusp height wise, but holy fuck it doesn't matter!

Sorry to gush, but this is exciting!!

SkyRabbit That sounds really promising, am very excited for you. He sounds enthusiastic, which is the way it should be! Congratulations.

How exciting Sky!

I would have gone to those events for that reason Pringle but I didn't want to go alone!

I may have got a bit tipsy last night and sent some slushy over invested texts to Shy last night who was out with his mates . We are going to dinner later so I will see if i have made a twat of myself. Also find it hard to hold back on affection? It's been so long since I snogged and cuddled that I think I could turn into some limpet teenager haha

I haven't been on here for a while. I think my last post was that I was giving up on old for a little while.

Anyway since then the guy I had an ons with randomnly texts me every now and again. Then he offered me tickets to see a show he's working on which was really nice but unexpected.

I had a last minute date this afternoon. I met the mechanic on a night out about a month ago and just been texting a bit. He was really nice and much more attractive than i remembered. He kissed me but I kind of froze and gave an uptight kiss back.

I feel better for having a break from old, I was finding it overwhelming and it was making me feel down.

Think I'll join this thread.
Started OLD, started to speak to one guy who seemed OK, then started a bit strange, so had a break for a bit.
Now I'm speaking to 2 guys.
1 has 2 kids and is quite cute, but been pretty quiet and chats seem a bit awkward.
Second one is someone I kinda know, I looked after his niece at my work, used to see him a lot around outside my work and always thought he was nice looking, he very jokey, gave me his number after chatting for a bit and has been messaging me since.....there may have been some 'dodgy' pics but it hadn't put me off him..... I must be crazy!

Can I join you all please. I have been lurking on and off on the last couple of threads.

I signed up to match a few months ago but haven't had a lot of interest. The one guy that asked me on a date cancelled saying he wasn't over his ex.
I have been chatting to a lovely guy this week and we have arranged to meet next weekend for a drink.

I am excited but really nervous as I have absolutely no experience and I am the wrong side of 20. I have never been on a date, had a relationship, sex etc. So starting to worry that I will just panic and muck everything up.
Any advice or reassurance would be appreciated.

Myusernameismyusername Hope you have a great time! I know what you mean, I would quite like a nice man to kiss and cuddle. It's not the sex that I miss, it's the affection surrounding it...

motheroreily I might have a break too. Will see how this date goes tomorrow and consider giving up for a bit too if that goes badly.

winchesterfan Welcome to the thread! The dodgy pics raise questions for me... but I do think if you meet someone IRL that can often be better, because you tend to have people in common and know what the other one really looks like.

needyounow Was that a typo? I don't think there can be a wrong side of 20!

First dates from OLD often don't go anywhere. That has nothing to do with you and everything to do with OLD, so please don't think you're doing anything wrong if nothing much happens! Just take a deep breath, put on your glad rags and try to let your personality shine through.

As someone said to me IRL, "every crap date is just another story to share with the girls." If your date goes well, fantastic! If it doesn't, it's another story to laugh about.

Good evening
lastnick that sounds like such a lovely evening, even if he is not totally suitable!
pringlecat I hope you have a good date with Mr IT. I think I'd be terrified going to a live event, but it would certainly cut a load of the crap out...
I agree that dodgy pics would really put me off.
lilac, two dates next weekend sounds good!
Re moving things on with Mr Beard, he told me last week/ 2 weeks ago that he finds me attractive and he has taken his OLD profile down. He also said on a message 'that is why I find you so attractive'
No kisses at the end of messages...There was close hugging on the sofa last weekend. But nothing else. I am really lacking confidence with making the next move, and I know I need to get over it, but I would prefer it if he took the initiative. If I ask him, I am thinking it will put pressure on next time we meet - I am also overthinking quite a bit!