Online dating...... where have all the good men gone? Thread 110.

[Evilwater]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

pringle yay!!!!!!! that is fantastic! Thank goodness you fooled bumble. I am really pleased for you. There is hope! So when is date 3?

Clawdeen I need to check my diary and suggest a day. But he's definitely up for a third date. This is all new...

Maybe a dinner date? You learn a lot about a person from eating out with them.

So exciting pringle! 3rd date coming up also moose burgers

Yay Pringle good news. If I was in your situation I'd message other iron to say you have a busy fortnight, he may not hear a lot from you. Go on 3rd date as you'll have a better idea and then can let him down gently, as Mr 2 sounds keen and so do you.

I'm still seeing my iron and next three date's arranged. I have some reservations, but think that's healthy. I fancy him and thinking of him lots do that's positive

good morning ppl
lovely, pringle is on a roll :-) well chuffed for you.
See? when it works, you know it.... onto the very defining date 3
ref Sporadic, I will just send a generic msg "my number is changed etc..."
what's the story with Mr Bumblebee ? (sorry forgot the name)
Keep the irons going, dear......its easier now

Pisssssedofff - cough cough - is Mr Outstanding - err on o k c ? just curious

Lilacpink sound very good, I love waking up thinking of someone, it is usually a very good sign for me as normally I do not any "thought" whatsoever till 11am and plenty of coffees

Who else is missing ?

my very own update
Mr Monday still talking / friendly, hope to keep that going to hung out as we like the same type of events - weather he is going to ask for more hard to tell, but he seems pretty chilled
Mr Cutie (nb the one and only i actually fancied A LOT) is back on, although we have had only nibbles so far
Mr Deliveridoo quiet, I'm fine with that, but if he wants a repeat he will need to come up with some incentive

ok I officially need new irons and I'm ready go go back on-line

Clawdeen it's interesting too re the men I didn't fancy... One, I was about 29 and he was 2 years younger, we met through his friend who was dating a close friend of mine... Had sex it transpired it turned into a relationship but he was very generous (with money, time etc) but he also saw women very much in traditional roles (opposite to me!). I also didn't really fancy him, he was quite good looking but not my type... 2 years later we broke up but was very on and off. The second man, met him OLD, first date was ok but certainly he was different (much fatter at least 2-3 stone!) from his pics! On the second date which I agreed to because he was nice and funny I remember sitting in a bar with trendy people and watching him go to the bar and thinking I don't fancy you as he walked there... Then when he came back he was talking about getting a posh hotel but making a night of it, a show etc as he lived by the sea and me in London and I wasn't keen about bringing a man back to the flat with my flatmate there (she was a bit of a psycho) so I said hmmm maybe... And we ended up meeting up and then dating from there on. But although there was lots of chemistry after 2 months it was "I love you" from him and although he had charisma and a huge ego he wasn't my perfect man in looks at all! I admit I rushed into these 2 relationships but I also felt shoe horned into them by the men as people tell me I'm very pretty ((I personally think I'm attractive but not beautiful) but I've been told I'd make a good trophy wife)) but men obviously got for looks some times and like an attractive partner.

Clawdeen I don't meet men in real life much, I mean I see them and sometimes in the right situation I'll get looks and approaches it really is bloody hard for lots of men to actually approach a woman unless they've had drink or they're super confident. I get the same as you whenever I'm with girlfriends men never approach but if it's 2 of you they approach more as less scary I think! You never know re the market you're off to, if I were you I'd just be friendly with some men if they are with you. The ones obviously handcuffed to their wives leave them alone but any suitable or nice men nursing a mulled wine and with a smile may be single dads etc!

datingbarb I agree with Lilac as his confidence is probably low why not arrange a second low key date?

Me so far has been rubbish but had a message from Mr Political (second one) seems interesting. Need to reply.

I can't believe some of you have got 2/3/4 irons on the go!!! And you say us men are bad! 😃😃
OKC, Bumble, Tinder, PoF...all very quiet...ghosting happens to us men too!😃

its a jungle out there ;-)

Genuine when dating at first it is possible to see a few people, whether you're male or female as it's really around date 2-3 onwards that you know whether it may last.

Now you're back on OLD it would be fine to write to as many potential women as you want (and have time for) and go for lots of short coffee type meetings. On a second or third date it doesn't hurt to see how the other person feels about dating and say that you wouldn't want to multidate in the long run. Personally I like to know before mooseburgers that multidating isn't going on, so both have to drop other irons.

If both people want more flexibility it's ok, it's when someone is really 'led on' or lied to that problems occur.

Lilacpink40 You think stall Mr Sporadic until I see Mr Two again?

SuperFlyHigh Good luck with Mr Political.

genuineguy Given the number of first dates that never go anywhere, I think we all have to keep talking to people. I don't believe in dating people at the same time, but a first date doesn't really count as dating.

I am massively conflicted with Mr Two now... I am ignoring all new connections and pondering what to do with the other irons.

Still, until/unless I arrange a third date, I am definitely still on the market as men disappear all the bloody time. I've sent him a message... wish me luck!

BoxingHelena Mr Bumble Beard is Mr Two. I renamed him just to be extra confusing.

I hope he agrees to a third date. He just seemed really... normal. Normal is so attractive...

Pringle I don't see stalling as lying as until you've had that next date, and had a conversation along the lines of wanting mooseburgers to know a lot more about each other, you're right you're not off the market.

While Mr 2 Bumblebeard seems a good potential, if something stops this developing you'll have other opportunities to hand.

pringlecat you must follow the same advice you give out :-) keep the ironing going in a relaxed way ;-)

f**k i keep hearing his voice round and round my head

Guys what is going on ? We all seem a nice friendly bunch, I do not understand why this is all so hard ? The nutters I am meeting beggar belief. Genuinely potentially dangerous men, with a hatred of women they want to vent at me.

One said my son will grow up knowing I'm a slag if I meet a new man why would I do that. Another said I looked like a bunny boiler - never even spoke to him so this from my photos alone apparently. It's going beyond just not enjoying it and really quite getting me down now.

Lilacpink40 BoxingHelena You're right, of course. Assuming Mr Two replies to set up a third date, I shall text Mr Sporadic to stall. I don't feel comfortable meeting someone new when I have an iron I'm keen on. I need to follow my gut here.

Pisssssedofff Really sorry you're having a shitty time. I agree wholeheartedly no one deserves that level of crap! Have you tried a new site/app lately?

Pisssssedofff no-way, you must report any rude/abusive posters
what site is this?
block block block
remove any mention to kids, decent men understand the need for privacy, believe me

Pissd they're probably not genuine men looking for dates but just weirdos. If you report them they can be taken off the site. Unfortunately sick people can't be screened out at the start. I've heard that men are often sent messages of interest then messages begging for money, e.g. I'd date but can you pay my air fares?

This may have been said many times before but I find OLD so demoralising! I don't think I'm an oil painting, I could do with losing a few pounds, but I'm still a size 12 and look after myself. I have a good job and I'm well presented.

So why do the men that I think I'm sort of on a level with in looks/lifestyle etc never ever reply to any messages I send, whereas the messages I do get are from men that I can safely say are probably never really going to be my type. Is there such a saturation of women in OLD that the half decent men are receiving so many messages they have the pick of the crop?

I'm so close to throwing it all in, but then think this is probably the only way!

Pisssssedofff Report and then block. Every time. I had one a few months ago telling me he knew who I was, my profile was a complete lie, I wasn't who I was making myself out to be. There are some complete fruitcakes!

longtermsinglemummy Men always say that they find it sexy when a woman makes the first move, but in my experience, that's really not true! What are you using? I have found better results getting their attention (e.g. viewing their profile so they get a notification I've looked) and waiting for them to message (doesn't work with Bumble because women can't talk first, but that's the exception).

I know the feeling LONGTERM

the joy of OLD aka " how to get rejected by men you wouldn't touch with a bargepole" or if you prefer, "how to be rejected by people you wouldn't sit next to if it was the last sit on the last tube and your heels were killing you"

ive blocked both, both off pof. Gee I do worry I'm going to end up dead in a ditch one day if this is what I attract.

I'm going to try meet up again, it simply cannot be worse than this !

BoxingHelena It's even worse when you meet someone IRL who clearly is below your league and he STILL doesn't want to see you again!

We have to keep ourselves (and each other!) up and keep going. Remember, we are all bloody well prizes!

Pisssssedofff I haven't tried Meet Up, but if you're attracting those kind of losers on POF, I agree it's time for a switch. Btw, do you have any age/profile pic/reply restrictions in people messaging you? It doesn't catch all the crazies but it filters a few.

pringlecat Mostly POF which is half the battle! I tried Encounters, something I hoped would be more cerebral but my matches never changed. At least POF has a higher turnover of people on there. I wasn't too keen on Tinder as I like to know a little bit about someone too. Not necessarily their life history but you can glean quite a bit from a few words.

BoxingHelena That's exactly how it is!! Half of them don't even read my profile so have no idea what I do/enjoy/aspire towards etc. Dreadful.

Should I persevere? I'm just not sure I have the energy for it at the moment. Nor the enthusiasm.