Online dating...... where have all the good men gone? Thread 110.

[Evilwater]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

lastnicknamefree absolutely, it does happen. He may have felt a bit unsure himself, or maybe even if he was attracted your holding back and not giving much away held him back too. I find this very healthy actually. As you can read on here lots of "exciting" first dates turn out to be just "polite flirting"
You have kept the communication going after seeing each other, I see that as a positive. I wouldn't worry about expectations on the night, men can be very patient when they are keen. Meet on neutral ground, Take your time, you will either like him more or not.

datingbarb it happens... I personally would like to think I'm not judging a man just because he can't perform because as we age sometimes we can have problems in that area. I'd just take it easy and not make much of it and don't take it personally!

Clawdeen I don't try to pull but when I go out, based probably on the dating programme that was on a few years ago and others like first dates etc... I try to act normal round men, eg friendly but if I'm interested I try to flirt a bit. You soon get used to finding out if they're married, not interested etc. also helps if you have a friend out (or not!). My Christmas fair was good because the stall holders are friendly but you have other people (usually parents with kids!) in the vicinity! I bumped in (sadly not my type) the younger brother of neighbours in my street at the fair... He was there with his sibling and his wife and their kids. He'd just come by for the weekend. And is single.

Malteaser I hate to say it but I either email them or text if not interested! And of course it's fine to ditch if you don't find them visually attractive! Your date with the cucumber eyes would put me right off!

faffalotty inbox, taco, the-cat, and other suffix are added by the system when a new user tries an alias that is not available, but people are not forced to use the suggestions. The general consensus seems to be that it is a bit sloppy/rushed/lack of imagination not to come up with a personal alias. They tend to be profiles that may disappear, made up without much care. Not always of course, there are people who are not that tech - savvy and if they are free users they cannot even change it once they realise that that in-a-box is so common

do I not get any brownie point for my goose burger monday feast ?

pringle that sounds good, always nice when a man makes an effort!

lastnickname that's interesting re chemistry etc. I knew a woman who had a 3 date rule eg enough time to see if she was interested...

One guy I saw earlier this year, he said after our first date he "hadn't felt any romantic spark" (or something like that) but I liked him and persuaded him to give it another go. He responded saying he really fancied me would prefer casual, I said no, but we ended up coming to a compromise and dating but because he didn't see me as a romantic proposition really (or long term) then after a while i knew that and we ended up "using each other" - we dated, had sex but I knew he wasn't the one for me... I had felt chemistry eg good looking and we did have it but there wasn't much "likability factor". So yes you could give it another go but if no chemistry eg by second date then ditch. I did find 2 relationships where it went very badly (great sex though) I didn't fancy them at all at first and should've been a warning sign for me.

Boxing great re Moose burgers and Number 2 but why do you want to friend zone number one?! I almost never keep them as friends even if I want to not worth it.

blobby i feel the same! I've been on POF for a day and got 11 messages, all of them are so not my type and I doubt would like me in real life as I'm on the larger side.

I'm not sure I'm confident enough for this!

What's the etiquette with POF? Do i wait for them to message me?

ARKKorox take initiative if it suits your personality, be prepared for no response though. You can also try to click on their profile a few times, I do that now, seems to work better

arkk It's up to you. What have you got to lose?

As for guys that message you, and you don't like them, don't reply back.

boxing congrats on mousse burgers!

I'm going to give mr friend a second chance. When I was on the date, I had ALL my walls up, looking out for red flags, things I didn't like etc. I spoke to my best friend and she said am I having fun?
I have fun when we talk, in fact I do look forward to talking to him.
I had fun on the date,
I had a lot of fun with mouse burgers,
He treats me like the prize,

True, I don't have anything to lose.

I'm 2 months out of a relationship of 7 years with my EA ex. Though I think checked out way before he left me. Bit worried I'm rushing it? Argh I don't know. Chatting to guys can't do any harm though surely

I thought I'd get a couple of days chatting via the match emails before thinking about exchanging numbers but the men who've emailed me seem to want to jump right in! I'm cautious by nature when it comes to feelings (mine AND the other persons) and 18 months out of a 20 year marriage I dont really know whether I want another relationship or just friends or what!! Doesn't help the poor blokes messaging me and I hate feeling like I've led them on :-( x

Also how the hell am I supposed to date with a 2 year old with me 24/7

arkk be prepared for a lot of crap.

arrk baby sitter?
blobby see rule 3 and 4

Evilwater from the bottom of my heart - you sound just as -f**dup-
...... optimistic ...as I am
you shalt see Mr Friend again !

(why can't i -Strikethrough-

arrk do you know any other parent up to a babysitting duty swap ?

What are moose/goose burgers?

It will have to be babysitter OR a day date when ex twat decides he would like to be a parent for a few hours. Which is not very often! No way am I having dd around any of these men till I know them a proper amount

faffalotty I had never heard of it before I joined this Topic
I assume it means s h a g

Update: PRIZE. That is all.

lastnickname I went on a second date with someone I wasn't sure about and we have now been seeing each other about a month and I'm much more sure now....

OMG faffalotty I think I was messaged by the same PVC guy this morning!! Was his profile pic a snowy scene? No actual photo of him? He asked if I had s PVC coat, boots or other rain ware (sic) items as he thought I'd look nice in them. . .
Please say it's the same guy and there aren't more than 1 rain ware lovers out there!

Am going to read rest of thread now

Last I think you need to snog to be sure and don't feel guilty about it. For me I usually first fancy a man within hours, often when they're looking away and I can have a real look. The shape of face (I like angular faces), hair, profile, movement e.g. smile, build, hands, all make me suddenly aware that I want to touch them. When I saw my date on Fri he was obviously trying to have a good look whenever I was looking away, which I haven't had for ages. I think I start a date imagining I will fancy a man to try to make it easier to iyswim.

Faff and claw do you should both turn up to make his day in mac and wellies?

Claw - yes think that's him! I've deleted the message but I remember it wasn't a picture of a person.