Online dating...... where have all the good men gone? Thread 110.

[Evilwater]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

theM

Malteaser80 personally this makes me cringe and I usually back off as far too much (delusion) --->Should I really judge someone who counts down the days to a date by message, tells me he's deleted his pof account and is preparing for our 'date' with cucumbers on his eyes?

well unless it is totally mutual and both parties have gone bananas ;-)

BoxingHelena it made me cringe a bit too. Especially when he added 'no pressure'. I have responded to his request for meeting up with "happy to meet for a coffee if you are in the area not certain that we 'clicked' enough for anything more"
He's replied saying, well that's not a no and that I may feel differently after a second date. What am I looking for? Truth is, he was a bit boring. The dates I had on Saturday and Sunday were definitely more enjoyable.

I'm probably too soft for this. Must man up!

Malteaser80 - man up you must, they smell fear, you'll be eaten alive out there

Mr One has disappeared. Twat.

Mr Two, I couldn't message if I wanted to. My Bumble is broken.

The only hope on the horizon is now Mr Sporadic on Sunday.

Feeling very disillusioned. Well, it just proves I was right to see both on one day because I've only wasted one day of prettiness rather than two...

It's very disappointing when they bail last minute, these guys have no idea how much thought re clothes, make up, and general ' mind preparation ' and how much just general effort goes in before the actual date. I would be so annoyed. My POF guy was meant to be calling me for a general chat but says he's currently busy with his hyper child, but he has been in contact via messaging most of the day. I'm thinking that I should have a couple of potentials on the go (I.e messaging etc ) but I just can't seem to find the energy for multiple efforts to be made ( I.e remembering whom I said what to & when ) But good for you ladies who manage to do that.

Well, that's it, I'm over Bumble. They've disabled my account because I'm not me, apparently. This is worse than speaking to my bank.

Feeling increasingly disappointed. How does someone have so many normal dates that don't go anywhere?

Malteaser I agree with boxing, very cringey and OTT. Can you imagine sharing mooseburgers with him or would he rather sit and have you put his face pack on him?

Pringle I think you're due some better luck soon. Wondering if Mr One just likes attention rather than dating. I previously was writing to a man who was talking as though we'd get married one minute then as though he was bored the next. Just irritating! we never met btw

Piss if he's put off when you've been friendly he doesn't sound very nice. A simple "I'd like to see how things go and possibly do that" would have been fine. It may still have felt too soon, but how can he know how he'll feel in 5 weeks time?

Rosie I was writing to multiples over several sites and it was confusing and tiring. Now just writing to one.

I've now been seeing the same man since last Mon, in terms of time seeing each other it's my second longest relationship since split in Jan. I'm glad though, it's been good to have thinking time after split. If this doesn't work out I'm having a break over Christmas.

Lilacpink40 I'm incredibly pissed off at Bumble for randomly locking me out (if you are chatting to anyone you like, make sure you exchange numbers before the app does the same to you). Who knows, Mr Two could have been The One? We'll never know now. Unlikely, but we'll never know...

I was really enthusiastic about Mr Sporadic when we first matched. Now, I don't think I really want to see him at all. I'm not sure how much of that is his fault and how much is me generally feeling down.

Right, I think after Mr Sporadic, I'm out. I can't take being rejected over and over again by people who claim to like me.

Mr Doctor and Mr Wildcard incidentally have deleted their profiles (had a discreet nosy). I hope they found love, apart from the leading me on part, they seemed like nice blokes.

Pringlecat - this online dating shit sucks balls. Sorry to hear that you are finding it shitty, we all feel like that about it at some point.

Update... the guy who has been messaging me constantly, And I mean like non stop since we first spoke ( not in a stalker kind of way but very good banter & lots of laughs, messages going back & forth ) I thought that he was busy with messaging me, well he seems it with how often we message ( which is just fun finding out about one another for now ) I just logged onto POF to see if he was online ( curiosity got the better of me ) and there he is online. I've not been on POF for the last 3 days since we started messaging as I'm an all or nothing girl & I can't be arsed with pursuing other leads when I seem to have a good one here! But seems I need to up my game! Clearly he's still got time & energy to be messaging / looking at other chicks. I'm not possessive or anything but I just hate the thought of being in a list of girls to meet .

AGHHHH I hate it.

It's fucking brutal.

But here's a nice little story I would like to share... my friend met her guy on POF and they've just had a baby & got married.

So there is hope. Not much. But there must be as it happened for her.

Ugh. Will try to compose myself and allow present guy to carry on window shopping as if I display any sort of reaction I will no doubt be written off.

Happy smiley face cool chick here. Grits teeth. Carries on smiling & playing ' The Game '

Pringle if Mr Sporadic doesn't amount to anything why not have a weekor two off it? Meet up with friends instead then start anew? Don't leave this thread though!

I was writing to a man I only met once, but when I told him I was seeing someone, and wouldn't write anymore, as well as wishing me well he said that he may take a break from it. So I think it can be very wearing for men too. I have no idea if I'm jumping into a 2 week fling or a relationship now. It's really 50:50. He's had lots of around 2mth relationships so maybe gets bored easily. So I'm not leaving the thread as it could cushion a fall.

I agree. A break from this brutal game playing is necessary every now and then.

Take time out.

Then rejoin when had a nice little rest & enjoyed time away.

Lilac - men get tired of the same old rigmarole too... making the first move, making the first message meaningful and relevant takes effort - usually with little return.
I've had a periods of OLD and then deleting them all, to then go back after a few weeks...
What does everyone think of contacting old girlfriends on FB??
Would you accept a friend request?
Would you try and arrange a date through FB?

Genuine why not make friends on FB just to make friends. Then see where it leads?

I'd prob accept a friends request. I can think of 1 ex I'd accept a date from, and v even them is think twice.

But I'm very much a don't look back kind of person...

Sorry, that was verging on the incomprehensible. It's very late...

Rosierose98 One of the best and worst things about POF. You log on, see the online circle next to someone you met, realise they've logged back on to find a better date... you wait, they don't message you. You know they've been online. They probably know you've been online. Twats. Line under it, move on. You do get that bit of closure.

Lilacpink40 I meet up with friends all the time. My social diary is so packed which is partially why I'm finding OLD so draining. I'm already doing a lot (so I'm tired) and trying to find a time to meet these irons is genuinely hard work. One of the first guys I exchanged messaged with told me he was quitting because he'd had enough of the site - I agree, it must be weary for them too.

genuineguy It's not the trying to arrange a date through FB that is the problem, it's trying to arrange a date with an ex. Generally people are exes for reasons... Many people refuse to go back, myself included.

Right, update...

I tricked Bumble into working for long enough to get my number over to Mr Two. He's up for a second date. Unfortunately the one day I'm free he already has plans, so he's trying to wriggle out of them.

The fact that he's even trying to rearrange his plans to see me and replied almost immediately is very encouraging.

I AM THE PRIZE!

And a bloody loony too. But finally, I feel a little bit like the prize. At this point, anyone turning up to see me for a second date will appear 100 x more attractive by virtue of being there. That sounds very sad. But true.

If he can't do the date I suggested, I'll suggest another one.

Oh Pringlecat I do hope that you give the rest of us hope & that he does treat you like the prize.

Your last post made me giggle, the bit you write at the bottom ... hell yeah please let us know ' IF YOU ARE THE PRIZE '

Well my POF pen pal has just ruined all the hard work by messaging me telling me he's horny. Yes we all have needs, me included. He's very pretty but not caving regardless of handsomeness. I will not be the prize if I give in to night of lust so soon. Albeit he's done well for POF, 3 days of solid messaging to get to ' The horny ' text. Nope ... jog on Mr pretty eyes.

Oh I hope you get your date.

Keep us posted

went out with mr monday again (he's lovely and I want to friend zone him, if he let me) but after the goodbye i went to serve goose burger to mr two
i feel better than this morning for sure

Pringlecat try not to feel rejected they are really just strangers. I am sure you did not particularly like any of them (1,2) so it doesn't really matter. Did you actually text Mr 1? Because post-date you wrote what he said "let me know if you want to do it again" - Its a bit clutching on straw but if you have not texted, you could?

I was just posing the question to find out what the consensus was around using FB to meet people...I've heard of people using it and arranging dates! I'm not that comfortable with that kind of approach.
No irons at the moment must be the holiday season, have a few events over the next few weeks so there's a good chance of actually meeting someone IRL...😃

Morning all!
Reading through your posts recently it seems that the general concencus is, if you don't feel immediate spark and chemistry no point carrying on or seeing them again because it won't grow. Doesn't anyone have a story to tell where the romantic feelings have grown slowly after being on the fence first date? Slow burner and all that?

I'm asking because of my current situation. Bear with me, I'd love some advice!

I had a first date with a tinder match 3/4 weeks ago. I didn't exactly feel fireworks or any major chemistry but then I wasn't totally offended by his face either. Honestly I wasn't sure I fancied him or not, probably leaning towards no but I would have seen him again because he was easy to talk to and I enjoyed the date.

The next day he sent me a message which was kind of a brush off, about staying in touch etc and we did. Just the odd what's app every day or 2 nothing interesting. But last week for some reason we started chatting again properly and over the weekend the tone had changed to flirting. It's a definate shift and we now have a second date Thursday.

My worry is that I still won't fancy him and it will be really awkward because I think we both have expectations after the tone of our messages. I don't want to string him along only to have to friend zone each other again.
What I actually need is to snog him so I can see if there is any chemistry
But this worries me as it's kind of an awkward test.."excuse me can you just kiss me please so I can see if I fancy you? ........oh wait, no sorry!"

I just wondered if anyone has had a not sure date and gone on to a better second one? Is there any chance the chemistry will grow or am I flogging a dead horse? I'm very attracted to his personality and love getting his messages

Can I join this thread please?

I joined POF and Muddy Matches yesterday. It's a bit overwhelming!

Arkkorox feel just the same! I've been on match for 3 weeks and thinking about deleting it already. Just like in RL, the ones I like dont like me and the ones I dont like just keep messaging! Perhaps us overwhelmed folk should stick together!!

Does anyone know what a username ending 'inabox' means? I've seen quite a lot of them and have suspected it's code for some sexual preference!?

I'm a bit overwhelmed by okc. Constant stream of messages and updates. I can't remember who I've looked at, which are normal etc. Nice to feel popular for a change. Got a message yesterday which made me laugh - they wanted to know if I had a pvc Mac and boots as they thought I'd look good in them