Online dating...... where have all the good men gone? Thread 110.

[Evilwater]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

I wasn't sure about Mr Tinder at first but he's really really grown on me

Crazy I should think so - on date 7/8 ?! :-)

I am getting slightly nervous about meeting this guy now

The others have been well endowed, and have been cervix bashers, they all have been very testosterone filled. Pretty much after every sex session I've walked like John Wayne, and been sore.

Last night wasn't, it was still good. Multiple times, which is a new thing for me. Quite honest I don't know if it's a good thing.

Hi sumo, you needed to get that off your chest, lol! Perhaps a break from it would do you good, until you regain your enthusiasm? It's so hard to know what to do, isn't it.

You may remember my Mr Gosport? We're just friends now, as things are moving along with Mr 31. I'm even giving him dating advice - I ignore the fact that I'm in tears whilst I'm doing it

Evil, last night sounds lovely! It sounds like he knew what he was doing

I'm new to this thread - and to online dating. I was really hoping I could jump in and beg for some help!

I joined Guardian Soulmates. Can someone give me some tips on etiquette...
So....if people 'like' me and I'm not interested I should....just ignore? or something else?
If people message me and I'm not remotely interested should I just not reply? or message back saying sorry no thanks?

Starting to feel like this is all too much hassle and I'd just like to go and hide and read a book instead....

pootle - there's no single set of rules or etiquette, but the rules at the beginning of this thread are helpful.

If someone likes you and you don't like them back, then ignore. If you respond with a 'thanks but no thanks' message, there is a chance they'll get pissed off or bitter, and you'll end up having to block them.

If someone messages you and you're not interested at all, then don't reply, for the same reasons.

It's harsh, but easier than having to justify why you don't fancy them.

From a mans point of view, if I message a bunch of women I find attractive, most of them don't reply. Many of the, don't read the messages (but I realised many of them were inactive profiles)

Then when someone does respond I think 'yay' and I read it, only to be told they're not interested. And sometimes listing my flaws (I have kids, I'm not taller than 6 feet tall, I'm divorced etc)

And that annoys me. I'd rather they just didn't reply.

Totally agree with Bant, the abuse I've had because I've kindly said no thank you, you just don't need the whole you're a dog, ugly etc on a Tuesday morning with your cornflakes

What I can never understand is the two messages, if I haven't responded to the first one, why would you send a second ... It baffles me and the oh I see you've blocked me on Whatsap but I just wanted to say .... I don't care what youve got to say that's why I've fecking blocked you !!!!

Pootle I wouldn't reply if I didn't see potential. It's different if you texted regularly for several days. I've let my other irons know that, as I've agreed to see a man several times and won't multidate (beyond first dates), I won't message again. Also said that their profile, photos and chat didn't put me off. I'm aware I may get sarcasm back, but actually I've received "good luck" type messages or no message. I feel better that I haven't ghosted them.

pisssed - I read somewhere where a woman said that sometimes she would have a large number of 'hey babe', 'hi Hun' type messages to wade through, so sometimes she would just delete loads, and miss a potentially decent one. So she said there was no harm in sending a polite follow up if there was no response, that she wouldn't get upset by it,.

In fact I did have a few dates with a woman where I'd sent a follow up message a week or so after getting no response to my first. She said she'd missed the first one, and we ended up going on two or three dates I think?

So it works for some people.

A third message is just silly though.

Thanks everyone, that makes sense. I wouldn't just fail to reply to someone I had been chatting with, but it seems a bit mad to try to justify nicely why I'm not interested in someone from an initial 'like' or message so will just ignore. Also makes me feel a lot less stressed about the whole thing....

HI, I'd like to jump in. So have dipped my toe into OLD for the first time since my divorce four years ago from EA Xh. I've been chatting to a guy on Meetic he seems quite nice, we both have similar objectives and he's sent me his number. I am feeling quite apprehensive at contacting but as I haven't paid for Meetic opportunities to continue online are limited.

So do I text this evening? Is it ok to give my mobile number? I'm not in the UK so there is also a bit if a language barrier, I'm ok in face to face conversations but phone is a struggle.

I met my XH when I was 20 and I'm 45 now, the dating world has changed so much.

Genuine for your own good, let her go and focus on new opportubities.

Brittany texting can be a good way to get to know someone briefly before meeting, so I think it's ok to share a number. Are you ok with written messages (in French)?

Bant and pissed I've responded to a second message once. First time I thought in his profile that we didn't have much in common. Second time I responded and he's the one I'm seeing now.

Well. First first date went better than expected. He said to let him know if I wanted to do it again sometime i.e. in person, at the end of the date. Very easy to talk to. He also described me as pretty when referring to me, which is all I wanted. A nice bloke who thinks I'm pretty to ask for a second date. Oh, and he looked like his profile pictures.

I am now going to my second first date, whilst thinking about the first guy. Lining up two dates for the same day was a terrible idea. Terrible. Hoping the second guy doesn't turn up. There are train problems, so you never know...

Pringle I felt like that with a two day gap, but you may meet number 2 and feel a real spark that changes your outlook. Alternatively, it may confirm even more that number 1 is good for you. Good luck!

I like to pace myself, you guys are demon daters back to back 😂

Loo update: second first date also nice!

Lol Pringle!! Better than them both being twats, but probably more difficult for us OI'ers

I need some help,
I'm not sure to go on a date with mr friend zone. Yes, it was good, we talked well, our personalities worked, but is it enough?

I have a history of bad choices regarding guys.

I don't want to get hurt again, and I'm finding it difficult to open up again. I'd like to, but I don't know weather he'd fit with my family, let alone be a father figure to my Child. There's the matter of in the bedroom, I didn't feel any connection. Is that my fault? Or is there nothing there?

pringle wow! Two dates that were good let alone just 'normal'! You've hit the jackpot!

evil Do you fancy mr friend zone? If the idea of snogging him is vaguely appealing, I'd give him and the moose burgers another chance. It might be you were still on your guard last time and not able to let go?

I seem to be in an odd mood tonight. My kids have been playing lots of Chrisgmas music and it's made me a bit melancholy. I have been considering texting my ex tonight- I know my friends would give me a slap and confiscate my phone, but I do miss him. I'm sitting on my hands ( well, when I'm not posting on here!) as I think it wouldn't end well ( he is mr no commitment/emotionally unavailable). So tempting though, it's like an addiction.

Mr drums from Friday has been in touch and asked me on a second date. He's really researched it and found a lovely place near me ( quite a schlep from him). The conversation really flowed on our first date and it was very easy and enjoyable ( other than the weird 'widow' reaction at the end) but I just couldn't imagine snogging him, let alone having moose burgers. Such a shame as he would treat me well I'm sure ( unlike mr no commitment that is currently occupying too much headspace). I hate sending a thanks but no thanks message.

Well, second first date was nice. Also game for a laugh. Physically I would have expected me to be more his type than Mr One, but I got more positive vibes from Mr One.

If Mr Two gets in touch, I might see him again. In the meantime, I am going to try to arrange a second date with Mr One. Wish me luck. I mean, he suggested it. Let's hope he meant it.

evilwater For me, the spark is most important. You may have awkward conversation due to nerves; a second date can correct that. But the spark? Hard to grow.

Clawdeen I know exactly how you feel. My ex isn't suddenly going to become emotionally available, so I'm not speaking to him.

Shame about Mr Drums, but if you're not feeling it, kinder to walk away early than draw it out.

Evil is Mr Friend-zone one of the "bashers" - Why do you want to involve him with family anyway?

Clawdeen no idea the background with Mr No Comm nor when is the last time you had burgers together but I would say listen to your wise friends

A friend of mine always does this double dates and she suggested that
I don't think I have the stamina for it, although if I call it a day with the 2 misters I may take a deep breath and play the numbers ( before going into hiding over xmas )

pringlecat well done you. Cant wait to hear more about the 2, but also how did it work strategically ;-)