Online dating...... where have all the good men gone? Thread 110.

[Evilwater]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Clawdeen interesting re you being a widow as Widower had similar problems and admitted them re childcare in his text just now. He feels 5 (his DD's age) is too young to arrange childcare or presumably babysitters aside from his family.

No harm in thinking how you present yourself though in future!

Had a nightmare with TInder Sex Man texting me up until 11.30pm re me getting a cab to his place and sounding drunk! I had this problem a year ago with a man from OKC (also delivery driver also north london!) who wanted me to come over and got drunk then sent drunk sexts/texts!

Where do men get off on this??!!

Clawdeen I'd find his pitying look and holding hands annoying slightly (because you're a widow?!) is that how you felt?

superfly sorry I didn't explain what I meant. I deleted my Facebook over two years ago. I don't want to go back on Facebook again properly so I made a new profile so I could use tinder.

Ah mother that makes perfect sense!

I am sick and tired of OLD now though only on tinder but have been on OKC and Match Affinity in past few years and though they occasionally throw up some good uns the vast majority have been run a mile from....

Can I join you again? Was on an earlier thread back in September then my ex came back on the scene and we had a FWB thing going on but I've decided I need something more now! I've been on a few dates, and got lots of irons, I'm really struggling with getting the balance between letting them know I've got a very healthy sex drive and getting stuck in that sexting that they all seem to expect, got no issue with sexting after a few dates etc but I must be talking to 6 on whatsapp and I'd have enough to write a book if I was st it with them all! Any advice?

superflyhigh I know the feeling I'm feeling sick and tired of it too and just being back on Facebook has made me anxious! I have social media issues.

But I thought everyone seems to do tinder so I'll do it too. Although I. My Facebook haste I let my birthday default 1st October 1924!!!

Maybe we should look ourselves and swap tinder stories.

I do know someone who potentially could arrange dates in real life for me but...

I was off FB for a few years due to workplace bullying so know exactly how you feel re social media!

Nobloodymore personally I think 6 is too many to be texting at the same time and I agree no setting until you have a few dates. Can you narrow it down to eg 4?

I'm lucky or not lucky that I'm only on tinder now!

hello ppl, caught up with msgs
Crazycat how is it going with -the new puppy- tinder guy ? on date 6?
Bant wondering what you would make of my photos after your analysis above
SuperFlyHigh sounds like you need new blood darling...Take a little break, get a ne photo and start again ;-)

any new first date from last night to report?missing in action ?

Myself Mr 1 will go to concert next week
Mr 2 suggest going over after long nice chat (phone-much needed cause both of us are equally prone to monosyllabic answers) he had his kid, but tempted as I was I didn't - what would you do? I think he has to find a way to come out to be honest, even if I view him as a potential for fwb / non exclusive relationship
Mr 3 who was meant to be the super keen etc, messed up big time over something minor and I have now stop replying

however my Mr cute has been in touch and I am super excited about that

Clawdeen on holding hands & co. I'm sure all in good intentions but blimey, that is not what defines you. I do not lie but I hold back family facts till later, and considering the poor success so far, I am glad I do

Yes super he was really genuine and I guess there aren't many 'young' widows out there so it probably was a bit of a surprise. I did find it annoying though. It kind of killed the conversation and he started treating me like I was really fragile ( I did point out that it was nearly 7 years ago!). I then found myself gabbling to fill the silence and going on about how I have babysitters, the kids go on sleepovers etc etc. How long has it been since your widower lost his wife?

It's hard because until I'm ready to introduce a date to my kids ( and that would take a long time), I'm realistically only free one night ( maybe 2 sometimes) a week. A lot of the dates I've been on don't have children so I think are expecting a woman to at least be free every other weekend during the day.

boxing You're so right; it's not what defines me. I've had a really hard few years but now feel more like me again, not just a mum or a widow, and I really want to rediscover that and have some fun. So it is irritating when the widow word is mentioned that I'm suddenly treated as a fragile untouchable! Last week's date kept going on and on about how he'd never met such a young widow. . If I'm asked how long I've been separated, I feel I need to say that my husband died so that I'm not hiding anything but equally I want to avoid scuppering otherwise good dates.

boxing I would try to get Mr 2 to be honest even if you want a FWB relationship. I think boundaries need to be really clear particularly with FWBs otherwise you risk getting your head ( and possibly your heart) messed up.

super Do you trust your RL date organiser? Might be worth a go as at least the dates would have been pre-vetted so hopefully more on the normal scale!

mother I set up a fake Facebook so I could use tinder but then got freaked out as it somehow brought up my contacts as suggested friends and a neighbour sent me a friend request! So I disabled it and panicked! How did you manage to avoid that? So I've yet to enjoy the 'joys' of tinder. Is bumble also linked to Facebook?

Hi all Claw my date today said he thinks most men go into dating following physical urges (sex and intimacy), so hearing the word widow may make a man feel conflicted, i.e. worry they're taking advantage. It's not fair as you're in the same position as me, but men are less likely to feel sorry for me being cheated on and dumped as I can actively express dislike for my ex.

You've probably tried this, but could you say at first that you've been really happy with your time as a single person and now have time to enjoy with another person? Then after saying you're a widow change the subject to positive things about you and keep changing back to them to keep away from the word widow?

My date today could be my date for a long time to come if he continues to be honest and interested in me. We had a good day. Mousseburgers served in morning and afternoon.

BoxingHelena Hi it's actually going well thanks. I've got over the puppy dog thing and actually really like him. Think we have had about 7 dates now (including moose burgers) and he is really growing on me.
Part of the puppy dog thing is that he is very soppy but part of it is that I've just not had men be that nice to me in the past so it kind of freaks me out.
We have both said that we have hidden ourselves on Tinder so I guess we will see how t goes....

Crazy good news 7 dates

Lilac yes but I think I firmly belong in the OI corner now...
Can't believe I've had moose burgers with a man from Tinder...! So not me, but fun

Crazy I can't believe fun I had today, but then again why not?

Hi long term lurker here just had to share this message I have just received .....words fail me.

11/26/2016 7:24:16 PM
Report this message for inappropriate content

Good evening...

Thought twice about writing as you will probably say thanks but no thanks but here now!
Was going to pop a picture on here but I work with very nosy inquisitive staff who would roll around the floor laughing like hyenas if they saw me on here.
Okay more drivel, work for myself, bla bla, all dull and boring. Love a yummy red wine, sarcastic humour and a little cheeky but in the nicest possible way! Why here, lets just say I yearn and dearly miss laughter, smiles cuddles. I stay in a very austere cold environment and have two young children whom I adore. Not perfect but hey what/who is? Don’t see the point in telling a lie!
Anyway looking for a spark with one and only one woman for a long time to share laughter and smiles with. So if you are intrigued and wish more drivel feel free to write back.

xXx

My instinct is that this has been sent to lots of people. Sorry but nothing personal...

lilac indeed.... why not?!

P.S. Lilac how many dates in was this?!

BoxingHelena

That's great with Mr 1 but unless you do want a FWB etc with Mr 2 I wouldn't bother especially with monosyllabic answers! Mr Cute sounds nice!

Ijust need to find a new dating site Boxing so think I'll do Lovestruck again I wonder i have time to reactivate my membership and put up new photos possibly tomorrow night as out all tomorrow?

Clawdeen he lost his wife a year ago but has dated since and has said his main mistakes on those dates was telling people about his wife's death on first dates. He doesn't seem to want to entrust his DD to anyone outside his family area apparently his FIL resents every time he asks for help other than a weekly Friday night arrangement and his parents help but means 90 mile round trip. I think he has siblings or his wife did but not mentioned those re help, and he says his DD isn't really ready to stay with a child minder or presumably a babysitter at 5 so.... I think he'll end ip meeting someone near where he lives, I live SE London and he's near Tunbridge Wells. He has been in London for work and also meets friends after work so he can get out near London. I'd be prepared to eg go to his area eg a city.

Clawdeen I don't know her that well but know her enough for her to say she's set me up.

Here's another dilemma one of my brother's young friends who was interested in me a few years back (a male model!) I friend requested him ages ago on FB but he never responded... Anyway he's responded to a post my brother wrote on FB but I've got no idea if he's single or anything should I ask my brother to find out. I brushed him off before.

Lilac that's more like it! Moose burgers sound nice!

I had "interested" glances in and outside a family pub and at a Christmas fair with stalls, the fishmonger was quite friendly! Gave me fish for my cat! Not an euphemism! . Fishmonger will be there next week!

Paddington it does sound like a generic message but what's wrong with it??!!

Crazycat 2-3 depending on how you count initial meeting.

Super ask your brother about his friend - nothing to lose asking?

Paddington it is probably a general message, but not offensive?

paddington - so he's married and asking if you'll help him cheat, right? And generically so.

Bant think I've missed something does it say he's married?

lilac that sounds fab! Very jealous How long have you been seeing him?

super that's really helpful. I definitely need a different approach; you're right- it's not really first date convo. Frustrating for you re your widower. I can see his problem- DD1 would not have allowed me to leave her with anyone other than my mum in the first year and even then she got really upset and anxious that I wouldn't come back . I can see how the distance would compound all the other difficulties in meeting. But sounds like you are getting a lot of RL interest! Wow- go you! And definitely ask your brother to investigate!!