Online dating...... where have all the good men gone? Thread 110.

[Evilwater]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

faffalotty I am not young at all by any stretch of the imagination ;-) I am obviously rather fabulous and lovely ;)

I'm clearly putting them off with my face as they're not even looking at my profile.

Just got notification that someone has added me as a favourite. Ooh! Another one in late 60s... ( I'm not looking for a father figure!)

Hi Forme!

faffalotty is this o k C ? move photos around, answer more questions (have you answered at least 50?) cause the system doesn't take you seriously if you don't, be patience, at the beginning they do not show you the best. Oh and do the photo shuffling and answering later tonight, around 9.30/10 when it is rush hour.

Evil. I read "sorted out all the guys within a 50 mile radius" in a way that probably wasn't intended.

Wasn't sure if congratulations were appropriate.

Thanks Boxing, I am! I am also relieved that I found him early in my search

Hi Forme, sorry to hear you're feeling jaded by it all x

Faff, it weirdo me out when guys my dad's age like me - are they really that entitled!?!

Ontheair your reply to Evil as I read "sorted out all the guys within a 50 mile radius" in a way that probably wasn't intended. 😂😂

Maybe it's a plan for some, but surely would take at least a year?

Evening all,

After some deliberation I have changed my thing on POF to the dating, rather than a relationship option to see what happens. It could go horribly wrong with who messages me, but we will see. I don't have much time/energy for a proper relationship yet (I don't think ) and might be alright with a more FWB situation??...

I have a couple of nice looking blokes that have started messaging me, will see how it pans out

You lot have your head in the gutter!

Really! What do you lot think???

Now he's asking me what to wear. I'm sure he's worse than me.

Just had a message on OKC. From a 60 year old Chinese guy... "why is your dating age set to 54 (I am 53. My ex was 3,years younger. Don't want to date my dads lookalike). So I stupidly replied prefer younger guy.

His response " you don't look that dumb". I just blocked him 😬

I think 6. has happened to me from a hi busy weekend etc on Sunday to a nothing radio silence for the next few days!

I sent him texts saying "so you mentioned meeting possibly for a drink shall we talk more about that and fix a date up!" Then after no reply texted him my number and finally did an amercanised tinder message asking for feedback which the tinder seduction site says called Mirror Message. So far nada on all counts. So will probably unmatch after tonight. Shame that because I thought he was nice. I do wonder if he wanted me to text him last Friday when he was working from home and we'd had back to back text exchanges the last few days. He seemed to want to talk Friday but it was my last day in work (unplanned leaving, gardening leave) so didn't have time to text etc. and I saw on the tinder seduction that if you leave things re tinder then other people can jump in chat and then catch their attention. No idea!

Widower has been busy but at least texts first thing in morning and during day. Need to firm up date if at all.

Forme2016 I'm also jaded but only on tinder now! Hard work.

Thisisnotwhatiwant some men are really rude and direct and if they see you as insulting them as this guy may have then some insult you right back!

Catching up BoxingHelena re Cutie I just emailed what lastnicknamefree said re he suggested meeting for a drink and should we maybe talk about that and fix a date up?

Was that ok or not?

What did you mean about backing off?

Have skipped other messages. Not really that interested sorry guys nothing personal but just feel down about the whole thing

Have not been on here for a week .. It's all been a bit go! So finally had my date with mr mountain bike ... 6 weeks of chatting so very nervous as I'd got used to having him around! Wasn't a quick first date ... 2 hour walk followed by 2 hours in the pub, 2nd date arranged there and then .... It was lovely, he was lovely . Going out for dinner on Friday, he's picking me up, only issue is the distance 1 hour away but I guess we will just see how it pans out, so far we are both smitten! . As for mr burm, I enjoyed his company but then he let himself down.... "I've just had a wank looking at your photos! " just didn't do it for me so have said goodbye! Funny how they seem to change!!

Wingle don't you just hate when men sext soon after a meet up, then you almost certainly know what they're about eh?!

Mr Mountain Bike seems a good prospect I don't think the distance is a huge problem as long as you both agree that it's there.

Super I don't know how Tinder works, but after he didn't reply the first time did you think of leaving it? I haven't been on OLD for long, but heard a lot about ghosting on here and it seems the typical way potential irons disappear. So much so, that I'm preparing to be ghosted by both men whom I like.

Maybe I should try to keep optimistic!

AintThat - I've had mine set to dating from the off and think it puts off potential "serious" deters and attracts those looking for ONS which, even if you want a casual arrangement, are seriously only after one thing, not even conversation. I'd be interested to see how you get on!

Mrsfluff, thanks. Just can't be arsed with it at the moment. Am going to have a break and maybe try again in the new year, probably on different sites as I've only tried pof up to now. (Although I've also recently got back in touch with my old housemate from uni who is living in Rome and has invited me to stay in January. We once had a very brief "thing" but then I got together with my ex so it didn't go any further....Over investing again, me??)

Lilac I would have left it only his last text before busy weekend was "good night lets arrange something soon" after the "busy weekend one".

Why send a nice weekend text or arrange a date one??!!!

The one lastnickname suggested was just to follow up on his date drink suggestion. Maybe I shouldn't have texted that!

Anyway have had a message from a man I matched with on tinder seems... Ok...

I'm sure I was ghosted but can't make head nor tail of the modern way of texting or behaving re OLD! Total mystery to me.

So, Mr Sudden has suggested meeting at the weekend (I'm not sure from his photos; intellectually he seems compatible but after Mr IT, I am placing zero reliance on pictures).

Mr Bumble Beard wants to meet soon, just trying to agree a day. He seems vaguely interesting, maybe not quite as smart as Mr Sudden, but more laid-back.

Mr Bad Feeling wants to meet next week.

Mr Lazy has sent me a "hi" message after I ignored his last slightly weird message. Mr Work wants to meet up, but the only thing we have in common is doing a vaguely similar job. I hate, hate, hate his written language (such a turn off) and I don't even think he's that attractive.

Haven't heard a peep out of Mr Sweet or Mr Geek who had wanted to meet up this week.

I think I'll meet Mr Sudden and Mr Bumble Beard. I don't feel that I have the energy or the time for any other irons.

I think I'm learning that it's important for me for there to be an intellectual spark as well as a physical one. I run out of patience and energy if the guy can't hold my interest through his language.

SuperFlyHigh I am ignoring everything as a positive sign unless the specific following wording is used: "I would really like to see you again, what about [specific date]?" Everything else is a bizarre type of brushoff.

pringle I think that is a really sensible attitude to have regarding whether they want a follow up date.

I agree about the language of messages. I was messaging one guy and his writing style was so flowery and long winded that I ran out of patience. Not the one for me!

I can't work out whether it's the weather/darkness or whether it's because I've been doing OLD for 5 months, but I seem to be far more picky now. In the summer, I was agreeing to meet pretty much anyone that asked!

Boxing I wasn't on OK C but signed up last night. Had more views in an hour than I've had in weeks on the other sites put together!

Oddly, a few of them are from men in the States and they've messaged me - think they are slightly outside of my search area.

Also had a message from someone more local who wants to chat, but in one of his photos he is wearing turquoise trousers

SuperFlyHigh so sorry I haven't got around answering/expanding on my personal back-off theory ;-) Pls do not feel down it really aint worthy. It is appalling reality of OLD - they had to make up a new word for it "ghosting" !

in brief, if a second date is on the cards you would know, he would make sure you are clear about it - if you are left wondering take it as a resounding NO...